ccali78 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 So, I used to post on here about my ex and I am finally over that. However I recently found myself sexually attracted to a guy in my circle that I do not really know. I do not want a relationship as I went through all the bs with my ex and really just want a Friend with benefits. well maybe not even a friend just the benefits. I am new to this so I may have already messed up. The other night we were hanging out in a group. There was total chemistry and I acted on it. We ended in his car and it was fun. After I was totally relaxed and ready to go home. But did not feel awkward. He dropped me off I went home and went to bed. I did not say good bye or anything so I felt rude. I sent him a quick text in the AM. Saying Thank you, you must get me in the school (he works at a school) and you rock! I did not want to say anything to arouse that I was interested in anything more than it was. He replied right back saying thank you and will do! Now is the tough part. I have no idea what the rules are or how this works. i stress I do not want him as a bf and he does not want a gf. So can someone help me out? Link to comment
Robert013 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Just be honest..Tell him that is all you want..The problem with fwb's is someone usually will become attached.. It is hard to keep emotion out of sex.. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 why are your doing this to yourself? you just went thru this big long torture because you were in a FWB situation and wanted more, and now you are setting yourself up for this again... why don't you just try to date in a normal way. if there is something there, it grows into something more. If there isn't it fizzles out and you go find someone else. and honestly, do you want it getting around that you're willing to have sex in cars with men you don't really know and aren't even dating? that is what hookers do, and this guy could be telling all your friends about you having random sex in his car with him.... do you know anything about this guy? does he have a girlfriend already? will he talk about 'getting some' from you with all his friends, then they all come calling because they think you're easy? i think you are very confused and need to slow down and think about what you're doing here and what is important to you... this kind of behavior may not take you where you want to go. Get yourself on a long term plan to get what you really want out of life. i suspect having sex in cars and pursuing random FWBV situations will not take you anywhere you want to go and will make you miserable. Try to get more from life and relationships, not less. Link to comment
hers Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 "Listen, I'm not really looking to be involved w/ anyone but if you ever just want to hook up every once in a while, just let me know." That's what I've said before & it worked out well. However, if what BeStrong has pointed out about your previous fwb relationship, then I don't recommend getting involved in another one. Not everyone is emotionally strong enough for these sorts of relationships. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 ccali i agree with bestrong. I do not think you made a very good choice for yourself with this one... Link to comment
ccali78 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 ok to clarify my previous relationship was NOT a friends with benefits... It was a 5 year live in boyfriend... I was just asking for advice to keep things casual? Link to comment
ccali78 Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 Also as I said this boy is in my circle of friends. I know a lot about him I just did not know him that well. He is single. And all my friends know me and him and know I am not a hooker!!! Link to comment
hers Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Then ccali, saying something like I said in my last post should be suitable enough. He'll get the picture & will either say yes or no! Good luck! Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yeah you are!!! Men have no respect for women that are fwb trust me. I have had them and they always wanted more after awhile. Of course I would never date them seriously. Now worse of all your friends know now. You messed yourself up good on this one... Get your head straight you are 30 time to grow up a little bit. Link to comment
hers Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yeah you are!!! Men have no respect for women that are fwb trust me. I have had them and they always wanted more after awhile. Of course I would never date them seriously. Now worse of all your friends know now. You messed yourself up good on this one... Get your head straight you are 30 time to grow up a little bit. Unnecessary. Fwb situations have an expiration date but it doesn't mean the girl is not classy or messed up or anything less than what the guy would be. Huge double standard. God that's so rude for you to say that to her. Link to comment
rivercitystein Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Don't do anything (ie. texting, calling, etc). Just wait until the next time you run into him and see if the chemistry is still there. He may not act the same at first because he might think you felt used. Let him know that you had a really good time last time you saw him and give him a little wink or smirk. Be flirty. If you hook up again then let him know that you're both on the same page. No relationship, just good sex. Link to comment
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