30 years old, hate my job, cant get a new one, I have a ton of debt and the love of my life left me.

[AlwayzRight]

Wow...I really can't believe i just broke down at work. Noone saw but still pretty bad. I feel like everthing in my life is crap. Although I have good health, and friends, and family that care about me...its gottento the point that I dont really care anymore...literally...about anything. I feel FAKE even trying to put a smile on my face.

[JusticeLaw9]

If you want better days, you gotta make those days better.

[AlwayzRight]

If you want better days, you gotta make those days better.

 

LOL...if it were only that easy....

[ratfreak]

I feel your pain.

When I graduated a few years ago, I was $56k in debt, stuck in an abusive relationship and stuck in a depressing retail job that was going nowhere.

 

Things won't happen or change overnight. A bit of time and things will get better.

 

As for the debt, it will take a while to dig out. I'm still working on mine. It's hard but it's getting smaller and it makes you feel SO much better every month when it gets lower. If you think it's huge then look into bankrupcy. It will be hard if you want to buy a car or a home for a few years but...

 

Jobs will suck too. They all do no matter what time of the day you work it at. Have you tried to be your own boss?

There's some online work that you can do just to make some extra cash while you look for a day job.

 

As for the ladies - if they can't make their time to fit in your schedule, they're not worth it. Someone who really wants to be with you will make the time to be with you no matter what. If your love left you, she didn't love you and it's better to be on your own that with someone who does want you or thinks less of you.

[AlwayzRight]

Well, it has been about 2 months since I posted this...NOTHING has changed. They girl I loved that left me called me (her bf dumped her) last week and we talked for the first time in months and then told me she wanted to get some lunch and when I called to set it up a few days later she text me to "go away" (must be back with bf) and when I sent her a text her about what the deal was she told me she was going to change her number...and guess what...she did...yep, shes a complete psycho....and in the process has made me feel more like crap.

 

ANYWAYS 2 FREAKING MONTHS AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED AND I STILL FEEL THE SAME. I AM TRYING TO CHANGE THIS CRAP BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK! * * *

[Wstd]

It is rue that love makes the unbearable, bearable because when I was with her I did not HATE my crappy job as much as I do now.

 

It seems to me that your main interest is to find another girl so that things in your life become bearable again. I can completely understand, after i lost my girl i realized that there are so many things i do not like about my life. Strangely though everything seemed ok before... But it is obvious that the solution to your problem is not only to find another girl but to work towards all the changes you want to make. You should have worked on it while you were with your ex but apparently you did not because things were bearable. Maybe now it is an opportunity to focus on what its important to you.

 

ANYWAYS 2 FREAKING MONTHS AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED AND I STILL FEEL THE SAME. I AM TRYING TO CHANGE THIS CRAP BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK! * * *

 

You can not expect things to change in 2 months. If you were very lucky that could happen but you can not rely on luck.

You are in a tough situation, things are not going well but sometimes we can not have full control on how things turn out. You will have to face the situation and you can do it either feeling strong and confident or felling frustrated and desperate. This should be your choice but if you think you cannot control how you feel you might want to address that first.

 

Anyway you need to make a good plan and work towards that with patience and discipline. I can not suggest anything specific because i do not know your situation. But maybe its not the right time to look for another girl, that might make you feel comfortable again and set you further back.

 

Best wishes

[insecurefool]

Dude, you can't rely on a woman to make things right. I'm a firm believer in the value of a loving, supportive partner but you are so stressed right now that you would just bring her down. You really gotta focus on yourself. I have one suggestion, to go along with the others here. Volunteer at a homeless shelter/center for troubled youth. Get some more perspective. It's what I'm going to do.

[AlwayzRight]

so now I have been doing ALOT of drinking lately on Saturday and Sunday nights...Sometimes I go out on Sunday nights by myself since everyone else I know have regular lives, wives, girlfriends, and dont wanna do anything on Sunday nights ad don't work nights like me....wow I feel lame. Wil I EVER have a normal life, will I EVER feel normal. Does anyone ever feel that they are stuck in a situation and no matter what they do to change it everything stays the same? I do.

[Jetta]

Take a lesser paying job that you'll enjoy. File bankruptcy, after you get the job. And yes you'll still have to pay your student loans and any taxes you may owe, but the weight that will be lifted will be huge. Make sure you join a solid company and have meet there time employed requirement before you file. It's on your record for 10 years but 10 years ago I paid off tons of debt and although it helped I still wasn't given great credit benefits because my income was low and they always asked for a cosigner anyway. Yes I flied bankruptcy in 2007, I have credit cards, and am doing alright at least until I got this used, in need of repairs, car.

 

Steps I suggest:

1) Find a job you enjoy

2) File Bankruptcy

3) Get back on your feet/begin reestablishing credit

4) Find a girlfriend

[AlwayzRight]

3 months since my original post and nothing changes no matter what I do or try it always stays the same. I didnt know it was possible to actually feel worse than when I made my original post but I now do. I have come tp the point where I really do not care about anything anymore....pathetic....you say how can one feel worse?...well I basically finally found a great job in a city that I have always wanted to live and thought I had the position. After 4 interviews it came down to me and another candidate...and....they give the job to the other person..wow...now I am thinking again about my ex love of my lifr that left me 8 months ago...and I am back here at ENA...UNREAL..I am lost more than ever....amazing.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

3 months since my original post and nothing changes no matter what I do or try it always stays the same. I didnt know it was possible to actually feel worse than when I made my original post but I now do. I have come tp the point where I really do not care about anything anymore....pathetic....you say how can one feel worse?...well I basically finally found a great job in a city that I have always wanted to live and thought I had the position. After 4 interviews it came down to me and another candidate...and....they give the job to the other person..wow...now I am thinking again about my ex love of my lifr that left me 8 months ago...and I am back here at ENA...UNREAL..I am lost more than ever....amazing.

 

Hey guy, I've been in your shoes and yeah it sucks. Girl I was going to marry broke up with me after 3 years together, and I went into a tailspin for about a year. Some guys will make fun of you for being hung up on your ex for so long, but these are people that have never been in a seriously meaningful relationship with someone who had every quality you'd want in a wifey.

 

I know it's tough, but if you continue to wallow in self-pity, you're never going to find someone better. No self-respecting girl wants someone else's broken throwaway. You've got to pick yourself up, and just keep trying. Realize there are lots of people in worse situations than you.

[AlwayzRight]

Hey guy, I've been in your shoes and yeah it sucks. Girl I was going to marry broke up with me after 3 years together, and I went into a tailspin for about a year. Some guys will make fun of you for being hung up on your ex for so long, but these are people that have never been in a seriously meaningful relationship with someone who had every quality you'd want in a wifey.

 

I know it's tough, but if you continue to wallow in self-pity, you're never going to find someone better. No self-respecting girl wants someone else's broken throwaway. You've got to pick yourself up, and just keep trying. Realize there are lots of people in worse situations than you.

 

 

You are absolutely right...it just that I do not know how to do it...everything I do or try just doesnt seem to work....

[iLiveWithMyMom]

You are absolutely right...it just that I do not know how to do it...everything I do or try just doesnt seem to work....

 

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Well meaning people can give you advice till they're blue in the face, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really help much because they're not in your shoes. It's very easy for someone to tell you to get yourself motivated and become proactive about your situation, but if you had that kind of drive and self-confidence in the first place, you wouldn't be here as a consequence. lol. Hopefully though, you're taking some comfort in other posters saying they've been in your shoes- it at least shows things won't always be bad for you.

 

I'm curious though because you never addressed Wstd or insecurefool's allusions regarding what you're really most looking for now. If you could change a single aspect of your current situation, what would it be, if you don't mind sharing?

[AlwayzRight]

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Well meaning people can give you advice till they're blue in the face, but at the end of the day, it doesn't really help much because they're not in your shoes. It's very easy for someone to tell you to get yourself motivated and become proactive about your situation, but if you had that kind of drive and self-confidence in the first place, you wouldn't be here as a consequence. lol. Hopefully though, you're taking some comfort in other posters saying they've been in your shoes- it at least shows things won't always be bad for you.

 

I'm curious though because you never addressed Wstd or insecurefool's allusions regarding what you're really most looking for now. If you could change a single aspect of your current situation, what would it be, if you don't mind sharing?

 

 

I woud probably say to have a job where I make the same amount of money and has the opportunity for advacement where I don't work over nights so I am able to have a normal life and can function like a normal person.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

I woud probably say to have a job where I make the same amount of money and has the opportunity for advacement where I don't work over nights so I am able to have a normal life and can function like a normal person.

 

The economy sucks right now, so finding a decent job is tough, so don't beat yourself up over that because you have very little control over the current state of world affairs. But this recession isn't going to last forever, and what you CAN do is put yourself in a position to hit the ground running as soon as things get better.

 

I don't know your educational background or what you do for a living, but if you don't have your bachelor's, now would be a really good time to get it. If college is too much too handle right now, a great alternative is a trade school. I know it requires a lot of commitment and having to look 2-3 years into the future, but it sounds like something this drastic is just what you need.

 

If you already have a bachelor's, you could always go back and get another one in something else you might enjoy, or get your accompanying master's, or maybe an MBA (since they're almost required nowadays for management positions).

[AlwayzRight]

Yeah I thought about it but when you already have 40K in school loans going back t school isnt something that would seem like it would be to wise financially.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

Yeah I thought about it but when you already have 40K in school loans going back t school isnt something that would seem like it would be to wise financially.

 

40k in student loans is a lot, but it's not insurmountable. At your age, once you get a decent job, you should be able to pay it off in 5 years or less, while still being able to build a fulfilling life for yourself.

 

I mean, seriously. Look at what doctors have to go through. 200k in debt coming out of med school, and they wind up living like hobos for 10-15 years before they're able to start reaping the financial rewards of all their hard work.

 

If you don't mind me asking, did you get your degree? What was it in? Regardless, seems like you have a good starting foundation; you just need a couple breaks to go your way.

[Khaosme]

Hi there AlwayzRight. I am someone in the same situation as you and I was becoming depressed as well. I googled a bunch of words that brought me to your post. Heh I made an account so I could ask and see how you where doing in progress since your last post.

 

Being in a similiar situation (yes including the ex) I dont feel as bad knowing other people are experiencing it as well. How are you doing since your last post about this?

[Diggitydave]

wow that 1 million made my 45k seem like chump change, thanks u made me feel better.

[livelife2009]

30 is still really young, and you still have a LOT to look forward to and build towards. i think something that might help is finding some extra curricular activity, something that you really like doing and makes you feel really good it really helps. I know it's easy to say "look at it this way.." but the truth is its not so easy to change your thought patterns or the way you feel. You have to DO something, something that brings some joy in your life. You have to make a commitment to yourself that you will do "this" for yourself.

 

If you're feeling down ALL the time, its going to eat away at you. You should find a way like i said above to add even a little bit of happiness even if just a moment every now and again. Things will change if you want to change them and if you TRY to change them. Thats the thing you actually have to physically TRY. and also remember that "this too shall pass"

[AlwayzRight]

Hi there AlwayzRight. I am someone in the same situation as you and I was becoming depressed as well. I googled a bunch of words that brought me to your post. Heh I made an account so I could ask and see how you where doing in progress since your last post.

 

Being in a similiar situation (yes including the ex) I dont feel as bad knowing other people are experiencing it as well. How are you doing since your last post about this?

 

samecrap, different day.

[AlwayzRight]

I have

been trying for 11 months since my ex left me, trying new things, meeting new people, nothin ghas helped, no progress has been made. I am starting to not care about life anymore...I am tired of being unhappy.

[SnowFox]

If you have health insurance through your job, I would recommend going to get some help for your depression. There may also be low-cost services available, if you do not have insurance, depending on where you live. Some places have more of these services than others.

 

What comes accross in your posts is that you are very depressed. When a person gets to that point, they often feel so hopeless and demoralized that they think they will never get out of the hole they are in.

 

link removed is a test to see if you are depressed - scroll down on the page to the actual test.

 

There are effective treatments for depression. Depression is not just a state of mind, it affects your physical health as well. You probably will not be able to make any major changes in your life if you don't get the depression treated, because depression just paralyzes a person.

 

take care....

[AlwayzRight]

......actually I just wish something good would happen for me. Right now I feel no matter how hard I try and no matter what I do it always ends up as the wrong decision.

[Khaosme]

Do you workout and exercize? that usually helps me. Or try something like martial arts. It will take your mind off your problems and give you something to focus on and take your anger and frustration out on.