How often?

[pumpkinmoon]

How often do you argue in your relationship and what are the main things you argue about and how do you go about resolving them?

 

Just curious to know what issues couples face and how they overcome them.

[Applewhite]

Other than our very few petty/unimportant arguments in the beginning of the relationship we have had 3 bigger arguments. The first was the biggest and almost caused a break-up. In the end it turned out it was mostly due to a misunderstanding. Him not explaining himself more clearly. Not even understanding his own self before talking to me. The other 2 were about his best friend being protective of their relationship and making what seems to me to be ODD statements about me. She is concerned about how much less time he spends with her, even though I never restrict his time. I in fact ENCOURAGE him to call her, he rarely does anymore. But I have decided to try not be bothered by her or her comments. It is not my responsibility how she feels! But I do let him know when I feel uncomfortable with the odd comments (sometimes said bluntly in front of me). Next time, I will let her know as well if it escalates.

 

But overall I am trying terribly to be kind and accepting of her. She is having back problems now and I have arranged for her to meet a friend of mine for a yoga session (she is a yoga teacher). I will even go with her to her first class.

 

So I just realized I have completely digressed LMAO. Anyway over the past year, we have had 2-3 arguments. About to celebrate a 1 year anniversary soon

 

Overall he is very understanding and easy to talk to.

[Ac143]

We only argue about silly things & its usually once every 3 months or so. It usually starts because one or both of us is "cranky" that day lol. By silly I mean - day to day things that one or the other didnt do around the house.

 

Silly arguments we resolve by just apologizing right after.

 

The only serious argument we had was at the very beginning of our relationship & it was because I didnt feel he communicated well with me so it started a huge fight. We resolved it by sitting down & discussed our different communication styles & how to combine them together so it works for us. Since then we have been on the same page.

[pumpkinmoon]

We resolved it by sitting down & discussed our different communication styles & how to combine them together so it works for us. Since then we have been on the same page.

 

 

How did you do this if you don't mind me asking?

[Ac143]

How did you do this if you don't mind me asking?

 

 

Well my SO was not very open at first (he said it was from the 7yrs he was in the army) that he had a hard time opening up to someone/communicating & this frustrated me especially if we had a simple argument, he would just shut down. I on the other hand, am very open & need to communicate.

 

We sat down & talked about these differences, he explained that he needs his cooling off time after an argument even if its silly or his alone time sometimes & I explained that I need answers right away lol, I hate feeling ignored when he was "cooling off"

 

We resolved it by compromising, we are both very different but wanted to make it work. If we had an argument he would "cool off" for an 30mins to an hr or so & then we would talk about it (this was a huge improvement because it would be like 6hrs before!) If he needed his alone time - I would give it to him but he would still call, text me etc... The whole cooling off process works like a charm though, I can say he has never once said anything hurtful to me because of it as opposed to other relationships I was in, we would argue (no cooling off time) and there would be name calling involved.

 

Things changed drastically when we moved in together though...when we argue we apologize almost instantly & when either of us need alone time we just go into a different room to watch tv or read a book. I think the key is recongizing that you two are different, compromise & of course both people wanting to make it work! Hope that answers your question.

[pumpkinmoon]

Wow that sounds exactly like us. I am always the one who wants to talk about it right away because I hate leaving things badly and he is the one who wants time to cool off and think. Not for a few hours though, it's usually a whole day or overnight and that really gets to me because I drive myself crazy. I may suggest something like this to him and see if he is willing to compromise like the two of you did. I agree that it is a good way to avoid the name calling though.

[lostandhurt]

Hi Fairy,

 

All I can say is ARGHHHHHH!

 

lost

[Ac143]

Wow that sounds exactly like us. I am always the one who wants to talk about it right away because I hate leaving things badly and he is the one who wants time to cool off and think. Not for a few hours though, it's usually a whole day or overnight and that really gets to me because I drive myself crazy. I may suggest something like this to him and see if he is willing to compromise like the two of you did. I agree that it is a good way to avoid the name calling though.

 

 

Well as long as you compromise & both of you are willing to change a bit to make it work...then it can. But it does take 2!

 

How long has this been going? I almost immediately realized that me & my SO would not work out if it continued so we had "that talk" very early on in our relationship.

[konstantine]

That is us too. I always want to talk about things immediately. I hate going to bed mad or having something unresolved. He wants to just ignore it until the morning but then we hardly ever talk about it and I can't deal.

 

A lot of times we get in fights about him getting too drunk and falling asleep on me. It's a stupid stupid fight, but when we've both been drinking, it gets blown up into a huge thing. The last time we almost broke up over it. I was furious that I was trying to talk to him about something and he was just falling asleep and then he wouldn't finish it. We got into a blow up fight. Later we talked and he told me that I had to understand that talking about ANYthing when we are drunk is a bad idea and he had to understand that I NEED to resolve issues before I go to bed. So he said he would do it my way and talk about it as soon as it happened (with maybe a 10 minute break to cool off) as long as I gave him some slack if it didn't work out perfectly everytime and he did fall asleep.

 

It wasn't ideal to me, but actually it's worked out quite well. He is more sensitive to the fact that when we have an argument he can't just roll over and sleep and I am more sensitive to getting an explanation and then letting it go and not talking it to death. We haven't had one of those fights in a long time.

[SayWhen]

We don't really argue...there are definitely things that each one of us do that can get under the other one's skin...usually we just talk about it as soon as it becomes a problem. A lot of the time though, we are each others refuge from the other problems in the world. We have been lucky...very few problems with one another. The major exception to that would be my trust in one of his friends who peer pressures him and then makes fun of him when he won't give in to doing irresponsible things. I get extremely paranoid when he hangs out with his friend. Eventually I expressed my concerns and he said he feels the same way but doesn't know how to go about talking to his friend...eventually they had a falling out and barely see each other anymore. At first I felt bad about it, then realized this guy was NOT a good friend to have...I think my BF is better off without him. So yeah...just expressing our concerns and talking through it. We have never had a screaming match and I doubt we ever will because if he even partially took it to that level, I would walk away (maybe to return, but only once he was ready to speak to me as a rational human being). Don't know if this helps...but it's how we handle "disagreements."

[COtuner]

Argue almost everytime we see each other. or rather he starts an argument. We see each other now about once every two months. We simply have nothing in common, it seems. So his solution is to fight about things and get jealous of things I like that he does not.

 

We also fight in email to the point where I've stopped really saying anything at all because I don't feel like getting jumped on. No, this relationship really really sucks.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well as long as you compromise & both of you are willing to change a bit to make it work...then it can. But it does take 2!

 

How long has this been going? I almost immediately realized that me & my SO would not work out if it continued so we had "that talk" very early on in our relationship.

 

Well we were together for about a year and half. Broke up for 4 months, got back together for 2 months, broke up again for about 2 months and have been like we are now ever since.

 

I am definitely willing to leave things for an hour or 2 before talking about it, but usually I just get left to deal with it while he doesn't want to talk about it.

 

That is us too. I always want to talk about things immediately. I hate going to bed mad or having something unresolved. He wants to just ignore it until the morning but then we hardly ever talk about it and I can't deal.

 

A lot of times we get in fights about him getting too drunk and falling asleep on me. It's a stupid stupid fight, but when we've both been drinking, it gets blown up into a huge thing. The last time we almost broke up over it. I was furious that I was trying to talk to him about something and he was just falling asleep and then he wouldn't finish it. We got into a blow up fight. Later we talked and he told me that I had to understand that talking about ANYthing when we are drunk is a bad idea and he had to understand that I NEED to resolve issues before I go to bed. So he said he would do it my way and talk about it as soon as it happened (with maybe a 10 minute break to cool off) as long as I gave him some slack if it didn't work out perfectly everytime and he did fall asleep.

 

It wasn't ideal to me, but actually it's worked out quite well. He is more sensitive to the fact that when we have an argument he can't just roll over and sleep and I am more sensitive to getting an explanation and then letting it go and not talking it to death. We haven't had one of those fights in a long time.

 

Same here. I don't like leaving things on a bad note and don't like being ignored until the next day or whatever. When the next day comes nothing gets talked about anyway which is why the problems never go away.

[pumpkinmoon]

Argue almost everytime we see each other. or rather he starts an argument. We see each other now about once every two months. We simply have nothing in common, it seems. So his solution is to fight about things and get jealous of things I like that he does not.

 

We also fight in email to the point where I've stopped really saying anything at all because I don't feel like getting jumped on. No, this relationship really really sucks.

 

Sorry to hear that. I thought things might be going well with you. What does he cause arguments about? I am not sure how you deal with that really

[_Asti_]

We don't really argue, never really have.

We've worked through some major issues over the years, which we were both frustrated about, that would leave us frustrating, overwhelmed, in tears, etc but we hack through them and move on.

We have an occasional petty disagreement or upset, but those are rare.

 

I think mainly because we're pretty open and clear with communication, and just sit down and talk. What some people probably argue and fight about, we can casually sit there and talk it out during a commercial, solve it, and back to watching our tv show.

 

I think alot has to do with who we are. We're both easy to compromise and see both sides and very good at communicating, coming together, agree to disagree, work on things early on, and don't let petty things bother us. It's just who we are.

[FreedomRing]

Wow that sounds exactly like us. I am always the one who wants to talk about it right away because I hate leaving things badly and he is the one who wants time to cool off and think. Not for a few hours though, it's usually a whole day or overnight and that really gets to me because I drive myself crazy. I may suggest something like this to him and see if he is willing to compromise like the two of you did. I agree that it is a good way to avoid the name calling though.

 

I was the same, and my ex carried his anger into the next day or sometimes several days in a row. It was awful - cuz we also lived together. There were days when there would just be the silent treatment, and I woud constantly get sick of it. When we tried to compromise, I asked if he could agree to a designated time where we would HAVE to come back to address the issue, and he thought I was pushing him into a corner. Needless to say, this rel ended, and that(conflict resolution) became a #1 on my "must have" list of compatiblities for my next relationship.

 

With current bf, we bicker frequently - like a 10 min thing, similar to a sibling kinda thing. It's primarily bc we're both the youngest, and bratty at times. "serious" arguments - are not very often and if we do have one, he is very much like me, wanting to resolve it ASAP. We don't go to bed angry, whether apart or together for the night.

[Unknown1607307972]

I have depression which sometimes makes me difficult so yeah we have negative moments, I can't really call them arguements though as they never get heated and he is one of the only people I can't hold a grudge against, plus he is incredibley forgiving. We usually end up all emotional and apologising to eachother and saying we love eachother loads and loads and these things never are abotu anything important so they're forgotten easily.

 

I can't stand saying goodbye on bad terms, and he hates it too, so we try to resolve things quickly

[JeckyllNHyde]

How often do you argue in your relationship and what are the main things you argue about and how do you go about resolving them?

 

Just curious to know what issues couples face and how they overcome them.

 

Lately we don't even argue anymore. And I'm surprised since I remember being frustrated and posting 2 or so threads asking (ok, begging for tips so we could communicate better and argue less. Gotta add though that we've never really argued. Usually just miscommunicate and go quiet or disagree on stuff..

Thank god now we TALK MORE, and I don't have to deal with him going quiet when I bring up something. That was a huge issue for us back in Oct or so, when the "honeymoon fase" was wearing off as they say. Now he feels more comfy expressing himself from what I see.

 

 

We disagree maybe twice a month. Sometimes not even that. Other times when we're not on the same page we just compromise and give in to what the other wants. (e.g. what movie to watch, where to eat, what to do).

 

Stuff we disagree about is mostly how one of us handles/does something and the other doesn't like it. Let's say I am too blunt or I critisize too much, if he calls me out on it we'll try and "get" each other's point of view. Otherwise we just leave it at that. At first it was hard for me to just let things be. I felt like it'd just keep eating away at me. But I've learned to go with the flow.

 

Sometimes I'll call him out on how he does something I don't like.