a 'break'?

[tinkerbellkj]

Hello, I am new here, sorry for the lenghty post!

 

My ex and I have had out share of problems. We have been together just shy of two years, and have broken up once before. He broke up with me at the end of January without actually saying the words. We were still talking, and texting, however, we did not see each other. About 3 weeks ago, he stopped initiating contact, and I contacted him to find out where we stood. He stated he thought we should take a break because there was too much bickering and fighting going on. Of course, I tried to plead my case to no avail. He said he was happy just hanging out with his friends, and working out and improving himself. I asked if he meant to take a break in order to see other people, he stated that it wasn’t about that, and that he was surprised that I’d even ask that.

 

So fast forward a bit, since he refused to elaborate on what the terms of this “break” I resorted to being the dreaded psycho-ex girlfriend, that makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. He still stuck to being on a break. So I’ve laid back a lot, and started to do some serious thinking and have been considering moving back to the state where my family is, since I had moved with him a while ago. I called him once more to get clarity, or closure, he still stated that he wanted a break, but when I mentioned going home, he wanted to know, “why would you even say that? Why would you even think that?” But, still he would not clarify anything, stating that he “didn’t want to talk about this.” He texted me that night after work, stating again, “Tonight isn’t a good night to talk, I am not happy, and I’m tired.”

 

So I left him alone, and on Thursday I texted him around 12:30pm asking him to call me when he woke up, he texted the following, oh-so-lovely message, “ First off stop f’ing calling me, jesus chill out!! Desperatity is not attractive. Second stop f’ing waking me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Told you I am closing at night. F! Do I have to say we’re done forever, for you to chill????? Your acting creepy as * * * * .” Mind you, this was the first text message I had sent in days and I didn’t want to talk about ‘us’, it was totally unrelated. He texted me back later that evening apologizing, and stating that I won’t stop, and that he tried to get some sleep, and I wake him up. I did not respond to his apology, and have made no attempt to contact him, nor him to contact me since then.

 

I don’t know if this is really a vent or a question, or what. But, what is he trying to tell me? This doesn’t sound like a ‘break’ to me. He won’t communicate what he wants out of this break, so in my opinion how can it even be considered a ‘break’ when there’s no expectations. I’m trying to move on and do the NC, but it is so difficult when I’m getting nothing from his side.

 

Also, his ex of 8 years, had asked for a ‘break’ when they were together, and he gave it to her, but in reality she had a new boyfriend the entire time, and just didn’t want to ‘break up’ with him straight-out. My ex was absolutely heart broken, and packed up and moved 1,200 miles away, so he knows what this does to people.

[waveseer]

I think you should focus on yourself. Do things for yourself and primarily concern yourself with fulfilling your own needs. He seems pretty toxic right now, it would be a good idea to stay away. You don't need him to determine the status of your relationship, you can do that on your own.

[HeartGoesOn]

He's not being fair by not letting you know where he stands in this relationship, especially since you've been together for 2 years.

 

I would take some control back by not contacting him, and tell him not to contact you unless he wants to talk seriously about the reltionship. As it stands, it seems like he feels that he can leave you hanging, since you're still contacting him. Just my opinion.

 

Take care...

[Jd1983]

Although he initiated the "break", he may not necessarily be seeing other people. However, his actions do show that he may not need you in his life at the time being. Some people may not know a good thing till it's gone. I'm not telling you to play little games with him, however it's definitely a good idea to stay away from him. If there isn't much of a reason for you to stay where you are at, then it may be a good idea to move back to where your family resides. At least you will have people around who will be there for you and love you. You don't owe him or anyone any explanation for your actions. Do what's best for you and your interest. You don't need someone like that in your life anyways. Best of luck to you.

[catfeeder]

I agree with the folks above, you don't need this guy's permission to go home. You're essentially saying to him, "Give me one good reason to stay," and he's saying, "No." But he just doesn't want to be blamed for your choice. He's giving you the same cowardly non-breakup his ex gave him.

 

I'd NC him, all right.

 

In your corner.

[tinkerbellkj]

Thank you all. I have gone NC since Thursday when I didn't respond to his apology. It's been 5 days, and he's made no attempt to contact, and nor have I. Honestly, I don't have the desire, and I have nothing to say. Not to say that I don't ever hope that he'll call, because I do. However, all I can do is concentrate on myself, and my needs, because if I don't, who will?

 

This sucks, but it gets easier, and I'm sure I'll have some slip ups at some point, but today I feel good! One day at a time!

[waveseer]

I'm so glad to hear you're getting on well, that's fantastic!