majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 ok, majord, I may disagree with you hear. shocking isn't it. I almost fell off my chair bro I agree with the concept that you are talking about in the case of when you first start dating someone....absolutely. If I'd just met someone, sent them a text and they ignored it, of course I would lose interest. But in my eyes and my experience, when a couple have already been together and have already established strong feelings...the rules change. GeeCee's ex will start question why someone who loves him and has been flirtatious with him up until a few days ago...now doesn't feel the need to even respond to a text. GeeCee isn't some girl he has just met....she is his ex, and the prospect of an ex that you thought you 'had it over' no longer being under your power is a daunting one. Case in point - my ex. I responded to EVERY bit of contact she initiated for 10 months, and I initiated my fair share of it as well. Eventually I got sick of making the effort and getting very little back in return....so I ignored one of her emails. After not hearing from her through any other medium other than emails for those 10 months.....she called me. Why did she call? Because she wondered why I hadn't replied to her email....she rang me, and she was completely transparent....all she wanted to know was whether she still had control over my emotions, because me not replying to her email indicated to her that she didn't. GeeCee, you have replied to his texts before, you have tried this approach and it hasn't got you very far...I just think that you need to make him wonder about *why*, on this occasion, you haven't. Your call. Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Guys, my opinion is that you are both right in some ways. Additionally i think that people will tend to lean towards the advice that they feel most positive about in relation to their situation. By and large this means that given the advice 'reply but keep it aloof' and 'don't reply at all', most people will choose to reply. Whether this is the right thing to do or not is obviously up for debate!! My personal feeling is that its maybe a mix of the two. I would say it depends on what was said in the message, how soon after the break it is, and how far you have got into no contact. Given a reasonable amount of time into no contact, a reply is reasonable, but should maybe be left for a period of time - don't reply straight away. This gives you time to: a) check your emotions - to calm down a bit and THINK before you send anything b) makes them sit there for a while wondering whether you will reply. I am certain this is the case - a few weeks back when i first heard from my ex after 3 weeks of no contact, i decided not to reply for 2-3 days. it gave me a weird pleasure thinking of her sitting in bed at uni waiting for me to reply. However after waiting for 2-3 days to reply, i did not hear anything back from her. I started to think maybe i had left my reply for too long and that it had annoyed her (who knows, it may have done), but we have since had contact, and in my eyes it has been positive. Had i not replied to her, and not replied to subsequent text messages, then in my eyes she would almost certainly have read it as 'given up on anything, eve na friendship'. This is NOT what i wanted, and i feel that the way i have played my replies, i have at least got my foot in the door!! However, it is also hard when you exchange messages not to try and read anything into them. I am getting better, but still try to pick things out. However, i am also using these text messages as a way of 'training myself' to act unaffected, in the hope that when i talk to her or see her at easter that it will go some way to helping me 'act' like i am fine with everything. I think that if handled the right way, texts can be a good way of training yourself to handle some contact, but not get over excited by it. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Spatz At the end of the day - we listen to all this advice, take it on board, indeed ask for it. Majord - I understand completely what you are saying - completely. But, bottom line is that we can only make slight modifications to our game. I know what I will do today, and I know that it will be right for me. That does not mean I won't seek your advice again in the future. Speak later guys. G xx Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Great post spatz I'm not saying that it's true in this case, but we are definitely more inclined to follow advice that is closest to what we *want* to hear.....I know I did GeeCee, No problem at all. The beauty of this board is that there are different opinions available to you...and you can follow the advice that you feel is most appropriate to your situation. How boring would it be, if we all had the same views on what was the 'right' thing to do? If you have decided to contact him, I would advise that you keep it quite platonic. Furthermore, prepare yourself for every eventuality in regards to the consequences of sending a text. ie Prepare yourself not to get a reply......Prepare yourself for a flirtatious response, or a platonic 'straight down the line' one....and think about how you will react to any of these situations. The one piece of advice I would strongly advise you to follow though is this: Don't lose the ball!! It will leave you feeling worse than you are now ....and he will have regained the upperhand. If you do get into a bit of 'banter' with your ex, make sure YOU end the texting....say something like: "Well, I'm off to the pub - have a great weekend!" It will suggest to him that he won't be hearing from you over the weekend...an he will wonder why. Become a bit of a mystery woman. Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 But, bottom line is that we can only make slight modifications to our game. I'd disagree with that though GeeCee...slight modifications quite often go unnoticed, believe me. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Majord I will definitely be taking your last piece of advice. Have sent a fairly ambivalent message. Have been otherwise occupying myself quite well recently, and so, will definitely not be counting the minutes/hours/days until he decides to reply. We are busy, attractive people - the world is at our feet. Sit around waiting.... Ha!!! Not me!!!! (Do I sound convincing?!?!). G xx Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Just so you have all the facts .... the message went off at 11.15 GMT and was purely platonic. Does not require an answer. Shall keep you posted. G xx P.S. I don't think, Majord, that most people can radically change their game and keep themselves honest. For example, I am assertive, fairly dynamic, sensual etc. I could not now become shy and introverted. You get my drift. I can make changes to my game, based on a lot of the advice I have read here. But I will always be an extrovert, and I will always be happy to take the initiative. Having said that, you are right, I did say if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten. So in that respect I am being a bit of a hypocite! I will be able to anaylse this better after a few drinks in the pub tonight. I might even understand myself then!! Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 G xx P.S. I don't think, Majord, that most people can radically change their game and keep themselves honest. Glad to hear that you sound positive GeeCee...and yes, a few drinks always clears the cobwebs (I think I may partake in more than my share this evening! ) As for the above statement. It's all about *degrees* of honesty. If we were all to be *completely* honest, we would contact our exes far too much, tell them we love them and want them back...so it could be argued that the 'game' isn't in fact about honesty at all....and that it's quite the opposite. It's about portraying the image of someone who doesn't feel as much for their ex as much as they actually do....in order to coerce the ex to divulge more about *their* feelings....and maybe act on them. In essense, that is what I feel it is about. There are 2 ways to go about it - either withdrawing contact, or being more aloof when in contact. Both have their merits and both are effective in my honest opinion....I am not 'anti' your actions at all....it's a different path that will ultimately (and I have my fingers crossed for you babes x) arrive at the same destination 8) Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Slight Freudian slip guys - I sent the ex an email - but input his name incorrectly!!! Oh dear, this must be telling me something subconsciously?! I am looking forward to the weekend - and if you recall my indiscretions of last week, my cellphone shall remain firmly at home, under lock and key!!! G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 so...he didn't get the email or what? Did it get returned to you?? Signs, fate, call it what you will!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 No no no - he got the mail - it bounced back to me first and I had to resend! G xx Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 I am fed up with this - this is no way to live!!! I am going to do something very drastic tonight. I have been thinking about it for the last hour. And I know myself - sometimes I get a thought into my head and damn - it just won't go. The logical side of my brain is playing devil's advocate and the wicked side of my brain is in overdrive. Majord - if you had any idea - you would jump in your car and personally stop me. I shall post again later, when I have finalised my plan of action. G xx P.S. I am a bit excited tho! Link to comment
Beec Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Gee, what are you thinking of doing? Play the game, and play it to win. Link to comment
majord23 Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 I am fed up with this - this is no way to live!!! I am going to do something very drastic tonight. I have been thinking about it for the last hour. And I know myself - sometimes I get a thought into my head and damn - it just won't go. The logical side of my brain is playing devil's advocate and the wicked side of my brain is in overdrive. Majord - if you had any idea - you would jump in your car and personally stop me. I shall post again later, when I have finalised my plan of action. G xx P.S. I am a bit excited tho! Oh God!! You sound very much like me GeeCee! I used to have a thought in the morning...about an email or text that I would send - but think "Na, I won't send it". It would usually be a new tactic, or sometjing quite drastic. As the day progressed though, the idea would become more appealing and I would get quite excited by the prospect - I would get to the point where there was no turning back - I was sending it and that was that!!! (Sound familiar? ) Unfortunately for me, my theories were never quite proven in the practical arena, and I was always left disheartened Not to say that that is the case with you.....you have me intrigued! What have you got planned trouble? I have a feeling that this is going to be a wild ride 8) Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 GEECEE, DON'T DO IT If you do something drastic it will only push the rest of us over the edge, and i am doing SO well in my little world. i feel like there is a slight possibility i am making progress. you wouldn't go and ruin that for me by doing something stupid that will make me decide to do the same.... Why would you do that? Why? Why? Hehehe...now STOP IT. You KNOW you'll regret it... Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Majord wrote Oh God!! It's worse than that Major!! He also said you have me intrigued! What have you got planned trouble? I shall build up to it!! And finally, he said I have a feeling that this is going to be a wild ride You're right, I am scared to say it... I am building up my part here Major. Beec, Determined, Spatz, Major - you are going to be soooooo disappointed in me . Beec, I fear you will be harsh with your one-liner. And I don't think you will call me babes. And Determined when you organise that drink in the city, you will conveniently forget to invite me. Hell, I think I will be excluded from the site. So... here goes... I sent an email at about 12.00. And was quite happy with that. (A bit of background - to celebrate World Book Day, (I work in a School), today, we all came in as our favourite book character. I came as a Wicked Witch, and so I felt deliciously wicked and naughty all day). So at lunchtime, I phoned him. And it was lovely and he asked me what I was up to and how had my weekend been, what had I been doing and what was I doing tonight. I didn't ask him. But he told me that he would be with his children tonight, and for the rest of the weekend. And we chatted some more, and laughed a bit and when I was about to get off the line, he said he would call next week. And then my plan of wickedness came to me - like a bolt. I am going to go to his house tonight - turn up out of the blue -w ith red wine. And talk for a bit and flirt for a bit and catch up as friends do, and then go home. OK - as I am writing this - my resolve is fading. I know what you are going to say. What do I expect to get out of this ..... yadayadayada. Hand on your heart Spatz, Determined, Majord, Beec - face-to-face flirtation chatting comes much easier to me. Ok, guys, I know that you are going to give me your best. G xx P.S. In the meantime, I shall go and have a bath, just in case something pops up for later!!! Link to comment
Beec Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 GeeCee, If this is your game and you can play it. I will not criticize too much. You have flirting contact with him. You have to play your game. Not mine. Good luck. I really do hope your resolve is to leave him hanging. Don't stay or act like you want to. Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 GeeCee, If this is your game and you can play it. I will not criticize too much. You have flirting contact with him. You have to play your game. Not mine. Good luck.quote] Beec Did you read my thread? I said I was going to turn up at his house unannounced!!!!!! You must be either getting bored with me, or distracted by work or late nights doing something wonderful. This is not the advice I expected!! G xx P.S. I have had a bath - going into hair and make-up now!!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Majord - I am having doubts... this might not be the brightest idea I have ever had! G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 5, 2004 Share Posted March 5, 2004 Trust me, don't do it. You know you can play the game differently....think of how much better it will be when HE comes begging for it, and you can dictate the pace, and say exactly what happens... DON'T do it. Thats just my advice!! Ultimately its up to you Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 No no no Spatz - let me try and explain. Definitely not begging for it. Just showing up - although I realise that I am backing him into a corner somewhat here. But imagine this - I turn up looking drop-dead gorgeous. Really yummy. And I say something like .... You know me, D, sometimes I act spontaneously!! He's a fairly big boy. I don't think he will be exceptionally troubled by this. Might find it kind of intriguing. Stay for a couple of drinks, laugh at a few jokes - I have a really good one at the moment, remind me to share it with you some time. Talk a bit more. Flirt a bit more. And say, gee, this has been fun, D, a lote of fun. But I have to go now. And go home. Just a thought, Spatz. I promise you, though, I don't beg. Or maybe this could be interpreted by you as a form of begging? Shall think on it some more - still got time - not dressed yet. G xx P.S. And I did plan on wearing something under my coat!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 5, 2004 Author Share Posted March 5, 2004 Beec, Majord, Spatz .... am walking out the door. Don't know yet where I am heading - 2 options - D's house, or meet friends in a bar. Shall let you know when I get back. G xx Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 6, 2004 Author Share Posted March 6, 2004 Morning guys. Just a quick hello. Hope that you are all OK. Shall post later with details. G xx Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Ahhh come on i logged on just to see what happened, and now i gotta wait!!! Oh well, nevermind!! Hope it all went to plan?? Weekend time again guys - so no work, but means i have to try not to let my thoughts get the better of me!! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 6, 2004 Author Share Posted March 6, 2004 Beec, Spatz, Majord... Your faith in me should be restored immediately. Did get in my car last night and decided to go for a quick drink with some friends before heading towards the ex. However, had such a good time, I stayed. Majord - this could have worked a treat. I still maintain that - and have not discounted it for the future - has a great air in terms of the unpredictability of it. And I think if handled well it could have a good outcome. I have not discounted it for the future - who knows about tonight. However, I had such a good time, last night, and then spent some quality time with an old friend late in the evening - just fooling around, and thoughts of the ex were banished. Perhaps, like the rest of you, realising that I had one of those moments (we all get them occasionally), where I thought, maybe life is pretty damn good, anyway, whether he is around or not. Why the hell do we want to be with someone who puts us through nonsense. I live on the basic premise if it feels good, do it!!! If he does not have that same feeling with me - why would I want to be around him! Feeling OK, today, boys. Spatz, hope that the weekend is being kind to you. Speak later. G xx P.S. When I am not feeling so optimistic, can I come back and cry on your shoulders again boys? Link to comment
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