fr5005 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I've been going out with my girlfriend for over 2 years now. After we had been going out for about 9 months, I was away for a couple months, and she became close with one of her guy friends. We were still going out, but she said that he was supportive for her while I was gone. She said she never cheated on me (which I believe), but I later found out that he had feelings for her. She said that they have been friends for a long time but since they became closer friends when I left, I can't help but think he saw that as an opportunity to try to be with her. Ever since then we've both been at school together and this hasn't been a problem. Now our spring break is coming up and she's going out to visit some friends at another school, and this guy happens to go there. I'm not too thrilled about this, since she's going to visit this guy by herself that she admitted had feelings for her. But she promised I can trust her and that she would stay with someone else while she was there, so I felt better about it. Now today, she was using my computer and she left open an Instant Message with this guy, and something caught my eye. she told him that she talked to me about visiting, and said that I was ok with it and trusting. then he said "haha. nice. he can trust you... he is preparing that guilt trip". then she said " yeah no i hope he's not preparing that guilt trip. he said he was fine with me going". something about that just didnt seem right to me. like it didn't reinforce what she told me the other night. and what do they mean by guilt trip? am i wrong or do people only guilt trip for stuff someone else has done wrong? so if you can follow that all, what do you gather? am I just being overly paranoid here? Even if I wanted to say something, I'm not sure how I would approach it since it was in an IM to this guy. thanks for your help Link to comment
Casey13 Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Bro I would be weary of this visiting arrangement as based on those IMs you saw it appears that they are talking more about your relationship than they should. It appears as if they had this whole talk on how they are gonna make this trip happen with out you getting in the way which is kind of strange if you ask me Link to comment
fr5005 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yeah i dont know. I've always trusted her completely and she's not the kind of girl to do something behind my back. So I dont really think that they're trying to be together behind my back. Those IM's just seem weird and I feel funny about how she's putting herself in this situation. But how can I confront her about it. I don't want her to think I'm snooping through her stuff, but right now I don't feel comfortable about how this is sounding. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Personally, I wouldn't be so cool with my girlfriend being friends with and talking to some guy on IM that apparently has "feelings" for her, but that's just me. I think a situation like that just causes trouble in your relationship Link to comment
orangesoda Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I'd be upfront with your GF: She shouldn't be talking about your relationship with this guy, not when he has an interest in seeing it broken up. Everything else is fine, whatever, they want to talk about how blue the sky is, that's their business. Ask her how she'd feel if you were talking about your relationship with a female friend who was interested in you? Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I think I would simply tell her that the fact that he has feelings for her beyond that of simple friendship moves them into a realm other than just friends. If she is in a relationship with you, then she needs to honor that, and respect that... and a big step towards doing that is NOT going to visit a friend who has feelings for your girlfriend. This isnt asking a lot bro. You just tell her look, this guy has a thing for you. How would you feel if an ex or someone similiar had a thing for me and I said, Oh, Im just going to visit her at her dorm... NO BIGGY! BS!! Its a big deal, especially if you think its a big deal. You cant forbid her from going, you can however make it clear that you think its innapropriate and you wouldnt want to be in a relationship with someone who does this sort of thing. The ball is then in her court. Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Yeah i dont know. I've always trusted her completely and she's not the kind of girl to do something behind my back. So I dont really think that they're trying to be together behind my back. Those IM's just seem weird and I feel funny about how she's putting herself in this situation. But how can I confront her about it. I don't want her to think I'm snooping through her stuff, but right now I don't feel comfortable about how this is sounding. ITS YOUR COMPUTER!! You cant snoop something on your own computer. Its snooping if you had to spy your way into her computer. Your computer is simply you looking at your computer. YOu have full right to read anything there. Especially if she was careless enough to leave it on there for you to see. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 She left the IM's up on YOUR computer so you didn't snoop. I am on the fence with this. ON one hand i say you have to trust her, but on the other hand, i don't blame you for not. This guy who has feelings for her is knowing too much about your relationship and i don't think that is all that cool. I don't really know how to advise you on this. I'd be feeling a bit concerned as well if this were me. Link to comment
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