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I need some help *URGENT*


Archduke
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Hi, first time poster here...

 

Ok, here's my situation.

 

Here it is, almost 2am- technically Valentine's Day, and all I can think of is how I want to break it off my my girlfriend.

 

My gf and I have been together for a little over a year now and lately my feelings toward her have grown stale. When we both got back to school about 3 weeks ago (we are both seniors in college) things were fine at first, but we have bickered on and off pretty much constantly, except for this last week, when she became cute and sweet again. One night about 2 weeks ago she pissed me off so much I wanted to end it, but I didn't have the heart to do it so close to Valentine's Day.

 

I will not get into all the things we fought about, but one night about 2 weeks ago I tried to get her to go out with my friends and I for drinks, but she refused to come for for usual drama blah blah...anyway a friend of mine brought her very attractive friend along with her, whom I had met once like 2 years ago, and felt some chemsitry, and I got her AIM screen name, but nothing came of it.

 

After a while this girl and I are flirting, joking around just generally having a great time. We had a lot in common, and it just felt great to hang out with a girl who I wasn't bickering with all the time. Anyway at the end of the night we just said goodbye and that was that. I do have a gf after all...

 

Fastforward a week and I get a rather sexually-themed text message from a number I don't recognize. I decide to play along and ask who it is from- it was from the same girl as last week. She somehow got my number indirectly,

Anyway, we've been chatting online or texting pretty much everyday for the last week. Its gotten to the point where I look forward to talking to her more than I do spending time with my gf. I've actually lied and said I had studying to do just so she wouldn't call me.

 

So in essense, here is the problem

My feelings towards my gf have cooled. A lot. This new girl is not the reason for this, but she just made the idea of breaking up more appealing. Don't think I am doing this to rush into another relationship, I just want to see this new girl casually, but I could never cheat on my gf.

In the meantime, my gf has become sweet and pleasant again this week. I think she definitely senses I've become more distant but I don't know if she is expecting a break up. I plan on waiting till after Valentines Day but this will still hurt her. As much as she might get on my nerves at times, I still care about her very much and don't want to hurt her. This is just a mess and I need some input, please.

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I think you need to be honest with your girlfriend now because nothing is worse than a man lying to your for fear of hurting you. She will recover but in the meantime you have emotionally strayed and she needs to know that. The other girl is fast and if you really loved your gf then you would be interested in working things out. What happened is that your uncertainty turned into a solid decision when you realized that you could explore something else. Its kind of the "grass is greener" b/c my gf is spazzing. Think on it and tell your gf soon. Leave the new girl alone until you have handled your business with your current.

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Either way, it's going to hurt. Whether you do it on Valentine's Day or the day after. Let me ask this...if this other girl hadn't come into the picture, would you still want to be with your g/f?

 

Upon breaking up, you have to be honest with her. Don't give her false hope if you do not want to be with her. If you keep acting like you want to be with her, it's only going to lead her on more. Remember this tho, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You might be getting rid of one girl to get another girl with a new set of problems.

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LOL. This thread is the evidence to "there's always somebody else involved in the break up. And they are already preparing for the break up well in advance before it happens."

 

Do what you gotta do man. But do realize that kind of fling never last very long. You better be sure about this because if it fails, then you are going to probably miss your ex and bang ur head against the wall for a long time and add another break up thread on ENA. Be damn sure.

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To be very honest with you, it really does sound like "grass is greener" syndrome. I'm glad that you are waiting until AFTER Valentine's Day to do this (if you do this), because that would be really cruel. One of my friends broke up with his gf on Christmas. To this day, I can't help but think he's a jerk for doing that.

 

You let someone else in the picture. Regardless of what your feelings are with your gf, that was WRONG, PERIOD. You say you could not cheat on your girlfriend, but you are... you are EMOTIONALLY cheating on her...you said yourself you look forward to talking to her more than you do spending time with your gf. That's emotional infidelity, which is arguably, just as bad.

 

If this other girl knows that you have a girlfriend, you're asking for trouble. IMHO, leaving someone for someone else is just bad karma. Think about what's best for you, but understand that no girl is going to be 100% perfect and over time, everyone's feelings "cool down"...

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You let someone else in the picture. Regardless of what your feelings are with your gf, that was WRONG, PERIOD. You say you could not cheat on your girlfriend, but you are... you are EMOTIONALLY cheating on her...you said yourself you look forward to talking to her more than you do spending time with your gf. That's emotional infidelity, which is arguably, just as bad.

 

You dont see the bad things this new girl has yet, u only see the good in her. you see the good in your girlfriend and the bad...

 

i dont know if your trying to play it off, or if u just dont realize it when u say "This new girl is not the reason for this, but she just made the idea of breaking up more appealing."

 

if u never did anything with this new girl except hang out with her like all your other friends, none of the extra talking, aim, texts, would have ever happened. you might not be happy with your girlfriend but u would not be so urgent to break it off.

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All I can think of is... you sound like you are not mature enough to have a serious relationship... the new girl is very tempting because she is distracting and exciting and new (and the way she comes accross... sending you that first text which is sexually charged... she sounds immature and not serious as well).

 

point is, you don't seem to be able to address whatever issues are bothering you... you seem to want to just run away from them.

 

whatever you do , examine the reasons why you got into a relationship with your now gf and the reasons you want out, and also, like UCLAMike said, remember there are consequences to the choices you will make and you will have to face them... and the thing with that new girl, it's just a fling.

 

sorry if I sound harsh... it's the best I can do right now but to see it this way... we all must live and learn, right?

 

take care and all the best

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Wait at least a week after Valentine's day before doing it so she doesn't forever associate the two...

 

If you are in college, it is very common to date a lot of different people and you are probably too young to permanently settle on any one of them, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for wanting to date someone else (or several someone else's).

 

Just try to do the breakup with as much kindness as possible... i'd tell her you're young and don't want to settle down with any one person and feel like you should be dating around rather than having a steady girlfriend. I also wouldn't say/do anything you don't mean between now and when you break up, so she doesn't feel deceived (i.e., act very lovey dovey or tell her you love her or anything that doesn't match your feelings). Perhaps minimize contact for a week or two, then have the talk.

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New relationships are always sparkly, always make you feel good, always seem fantastic. It doesn't last for ever. There's a term for it that some people use, New Relationship Energy. It's some of the best stuff on Earth and if you could bottle it, you'd be a millionaire.

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New relationships are always sparkly, always make you feel good, always seem fantastic. It doesn't last for ever. There's a term for it that some people use, New Relationship Energy. It's some of the best stuff on Earth and if you could bottle it, you'd be a millionaire.

 

I second that.

 

At first, when you met your girlfriend, I'm sure she was all "ooh ahh" to you..

 

Relationships always have conflict. Just think it through long and hard. I'd give it a week or two to see if you REALLY want to do this. If you change your mind, she might not take you back.

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Maybe I am naive, but isn't talking and flirting with another girl behind your girlfriend's back a form of cheating? I know it's dishonest, in any case. If you want to break up, break up. You are not doing her a favor by lingering when your heart isn't in it...or only in it when she's in a favorable mood.

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Wise move. This is why I love this forum-you got some really great advice. There are some really smart people on this forum!

 

I would do some soul-searching, too if I were you and examine what you might possibly be contributing to all the bickering you and your gf are doing. It always takes two. If you bring the same dynamic into a new relationship, eventually you're gonna end up right back in the same place again.

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