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i've had a rough couple of days. it's been really bad. i've thought about things i really shouldn't. just want my head to shut off. tonight i've been lying in bed, crying and praying that this all ends. the pain, agony, mental anguish, everything.

 

had really bad headaches. i got up 20 minutes ago. pulled out my journal and wrote a letter to my ex that she'll never read. i poured my heart and soul into it. told her i love her (such a simple line but one i can't put enough emphasis into). i need to start living life. gotta stop thinking about her and him being intimate. it's probably happening. but you know what, we're not together so she can do whatever. i know this feeling is temporary and tomorrow i'll probably feel bad again.

 

who knows what time will bring. need to work on myself. if she comes back i want to be a new me free of all my old issues. if not (sigh) i'll be a new me free of all my old issues. writing a letter really helped me. and i'm sure i'll write more letters she'll never read. i do want her back but what'll be will be.

 

also listen to the airborne toxic event. got their album today and am listening to it now. chillaxed. maybe not the happiest music but weirdly really helping me.

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Without knowing the full story, if she is with someone else, would you want to have her back? She's obviously moved on... It is good thought that you are beginning the process of moving on. For the girlfriend I broke up with in April last year I wrote so many letters. I had a notebooks that I'd not used and pretty much filled it. It helped, writing as I went, but as you have said, the thoughts would still come back the next day, then I would write more and more.

 

When you are ready, start writing to yourself instead of her. Start telling yourself about all the good things in your life right here and now. Try to aim for not saying anything negative about anything. When you are ready, you will find you are accepting of what was with her and what is with her. Your anger will have passed and when you are at this point you will know that you are getting somewhere, that the light at the end of the tunnel is much closer.

 

Time is the key too. It's a pain in the butt having to wait, but as each day goes by things get easier. And after a while you'll stop dreaming about her, stop waking in the morning with her on your mind. Then when you start dating again you will come to realise the lessons you learnt from the past.

 

Hang in there!

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hey bud. i think a lot of us on this forum are or have been where you're at. i've been there a few times sucked every time it happened.

 

i can totally relate to how you're feeling. all the thoughts, memories, wishing you had it all back. feeling almost paralyzed with pain.

 

but getupkid...i know everyone tells you this, but you'll get over this and when you look back, you'll be able to almost look back on the pain with fondness for the lessons it taught you.

 

without struggle, there is no reward. you will with no doubt come out a stronger, more humble person.

 

good luck on your journey.

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The best thing that helped me get over my first "I love you" girl, was music. Specifically, the song from wumpscut - totmacher. It's a fairly violent and sad song, with a seriel killer killing someone, but you can hear sadness and desperation in his voice.

 

Why am I saying that? that sounds aweful! Well, I imagined "threads" connecting me to my ex, and myself as the killer. I was cutting away at the threads (not her), and being able to visualize me slashing hate, love, pity, compassion, intimacy, jealousy, friendship, etc etc, was a BIG help. It got very abstract very quickly, but it was a song I completely clicked with (destroying something that you don't want to, but feel forced to). It's not for everyone, but I suggest you listen to ALOT of music, until you find one that clicks with you. Listen to it over and over and over, imagine it, it'll help.

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I know the feeling m8. Thats great that you can cope by writing letters youll never send to her. I was never able to get solace in doing that. I would write letters with the intention of giving it to her, but in the end, decide not to. But it was the intention of giving it to her that helped me.

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