huskiesfan Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Tell her to get her passport in order and you'll pay for her ticket to go be with the guy. Wait a minute. What do you want to bet he doesn't want a woman who would cheat on her boyfriend either. She's a skank. What do you want to bet that this guy wouldn't find out about him at all? If she's willing to break someone's heart and break their trust to be with this guy, she should pay for her passport and ticket if she wants to be with him so badly. Link to comment
Jollybee23 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 Wow, the number of replies on this thread has been so great. And supportive. It's been a few days since I kicked her out of my house and she has called a couple times begging for forgiveness. As much as it breaks my heart to see her like this, I'm still going to hold my ground and stay away from her. I really started this thread to see if what I'm doing is the right action and so far it seems like everyone agrees. Unfortunately my guess is that this happens too often in the world and many people will benefit from reading these posts. Just an update, I learned that the other guy had slowly been distancing himself from her because he had no intention of starting a relationship with her. This was already starting to happen before I even found out about the cheating. So now I realize that she was probably thinking of me as a back up and secretly hoping that things would work out with the other guy. I also learned that they have ended all communication now, partly because I caught her and she feels guilty but also because the other guy doesn't care to keep her in his life. Everybody here has provided such useful advice, can't thank you all enough. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 To be brutally honest, I agree with the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" and I've experienced its truth first hand. Even if she seemed genuinely remorseful for her actions, and she might actually be, there is no saying that she won't do it again. She lied to you, betrayed you, and broke your trust. She made a conscious choice to cheat on you and she knew what she was doing. Link to comment
maverick554 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Its up to you, but if you want to give her another chance, don't go into it blindly. Let her know that your trust in her is completely gone and that it is up to her to EARN it back if you two get back together. If you do reconcile set some stipulations such as: she is not to have ANY contact with the other guy whatsoever, she needs to re-evaluate some of her relationships with male friends, she needs to take steps to show her that you can trust her, and I would also suggest having her go into some type of therapy. I do agree with those who say once a cheater always a cheater, but if you really love her you may want to attempt to forgive her infidelity, just protect yourself and be prepared if she screws you over again. Link to comment
abouttime Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 It's good to see you sticking to your guns. I would imagine right now #2 is looking pretty damn good to her. She thought she could get away with it, and now she is thinking that "rut" looks pretty good too. Link to comment
jmantra Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Good for you for standing your ground... It'll teach that she cannot get away with cheating and lieing Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Good for you! Looks like she's already beginning to learn her lesson. She was looking to leave you for this guy and he was only looking for a fling! Ooops. And now she's trying to come back home only to find the door closed. Ooops again. IMO, you still should be extremely wary about getting back together with her. If she's left you for one guy, wait until the next guy she takes an interest in comes along. If your interested in reconcilliation with her though, I would be extremely careful, because if she knows your interested in getting back with her, she will be on her best behavior now. You want to see her as how she truly is, not as how she wants you to see her. Link to comment
Jollybee23 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Well it's been about a week since I kicked her out and she's been respectfully leaving me alone as I asked. She has been contacting some of my friends though to try and get them to talk me into giving her another chance. My friends have been neutral because I asked them to not take a side even though she was the one who broke my heart. I really wanted to spare them any drama. It's 100% evident that she feels remorseful and regrets cheating on me. I have no doubt that if she could do this over again, she would remain faithful. The problem is that what's done is done and although I forgive her, I just don't see how the relationship can work if I were to give it another chance. I'll never forget this past month of my life. She's miserable and lonely and it kills me to hear that she's not doing well. Why do I feel so guilty??? I didn't even do anything wrong. Whoever says they would throw a cheater out no questions asked shouldn't say so until they've done it... Link to comment
unsure20 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hi Koffee79. I'm going through a very very similar situation. My girlfriend is now remorseful, swearing to do anything to get me back. She cries and cries now. She's even tried to cut herself. I had to make her swear never to hurt herself. I think she is planning something big for me on Valentine's day. But I don't know if it will work. Honestly, I wish she could take it back, but I don't think she can. I know in my case, I feel guilty that she is in a lot of pain now, and I can do something to make it better, or at least it appears that way on the surface. If I just went back into the relationship, she would feel a lot better. But of course, I wouldn't be happy. It comes down to standing up for yourself. You have to constantly remind yourself that you did not deserve this AND don't feel like you have to get over it, or that you should be able to get past it. It is totally up to the cheater to make things up with you. Another reason I feel guilty, but not as strongly, is that I know some of my actions drove her to seek someone else. In my case, I flat out told my girlfriend that I was not attracted to her anymore, but I always made sure to tell her that it was due to our arguing. Also, we technically could see other people. In my case, my girlfriend had low self-esteem, and I would suggest things for her to do to help with that, or she could think of things herself. She would suffocate me. She literally would want me to go to the bathroom with her and sleep at the same time as her. So after months and months of her doing nothing to help herself (she had even stopped going to therapy), I told her that I can't feel committed to her and that if she wanted to she could see other people. She swore that she did not want to. And she would make me promise all kinds of things when I went out with friends - "Don't talk to girls" "Don't bring girls over your house", etc. This was a mistake on my part, because I did not really want this either, but I felt like she was letting me down on so many fronts that if she wanted to see someone else, she would. It took several months, but finally she did at some party. So I probably have even more of a reason than you to feel some guilt that my actions led to her sleeping with someone else, right? Well what I've come to realize is that no, she still cheated on me, she still betrayed me. I was not a perfect mate, sure, but she knows I was a very good boyfriend a large amount of the time. She wasn't remorseful at first, but she is now that she is seeing what she lost. I know for me, I have to remind myself constantly that there are other women out there who will like me, who will appreciate me and who will not betray me like she did. Link to comment
unsure20 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 This is a bit blunt, but truthful. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 If they are in pain it's the price they have to pay for being unfaithful to someone who loves them and by not having any self control over themselves. There are many ways a person can cheat on you. My ex's loved drugs more than me and I didn't like his games, secret calls, missing for days, coming back whining how sick he was, calling me names, spitting in my face...and so on .....did I kick him out??? Yes, I did and not only did I kick him out...I KICKED HIM OUT OF HIS OWN PLACE! BTW, I would never give advice or tell someone to do something that I wouldn't do myself....I am not a hypocrite...I do as I say and say as I do! Best to you all ! Link to comment
sneller440 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I truly feel your pain friend. Not fun stuff, ever. With that said, get rid of her. When ur cheating, you know what your doing. Ya she's remoseful, but likely remorseful that she got caught. I'm sure you love her to bits, and nothing is harder in life than letting go of someone you love, but clearly she wasn't in it to the depth you were. See ya. It will take a while for the wounds to heal, but they will, and you'll no doubt be cautious moving forward from here, but she wasn't right, and if u feel yourself questioning it, well, theres your answer. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I admire your strength, I really do. I always told myself cheating/lying would be a deal-breaker and I have nerve to tell OTHER people "Leave him/her! They're dirt!"...but I can't even take my own advice. I would say you are in a much better place though. You don't have the stress of worrying what she's doing, who she's with, etc. You respected yourself, which is the most important thing and you stuck to your guns. You'd only be doing a disservice to yourself if you were to go back on your word and take her back...trust me...I know. So congratulations. Oh, and it's natural to feel guilty. You loved her, so seeing her like this isn't pleasant for you. Just shows that you have a heart. You seem like a decent guy, so I hope you find somebody that's WORTH it! She does not deserve a second chance. Umm, but maybe you can be friends later... if you want. Link to comment
Jollybee23 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Update: On Valentines day, she asked me if she could meet up so that she could tell me some things that she felt I should know. I reluctantly agreed and met with her in person and we talked for about an hour. There wasn't anything really new in this conversation. She was doing her best not to break down and cry, but I could see that she has been agonizing over this for several days. She kept repeating what a terrible mistake it was and that she was so stupid. She has been seeing a counselor and talking to her friends on how she can get me back. Her remorse and sincerity is something I've never seen before. She keeps saying that she'll never give up and that she's going to keep fighting for me. I'm so sad that she couldn't realize how good I was to her before she cheated on me. She's doing absolutely everything possible to try and win me back and a part of me wants to give her a second chance. Then I have a flashback of what a monster she was during that one month ordeal and then I don't feel so forgiving. In the last couple days, news of our breakup has been spreading. We don't really have many mutual friends, and I've been keeping the reason for our breakup fairly quiet because I don't want to make her look bad. Deep down I know she's a good person and don't want any revenge on her whatsoever. So my family thinks I'm a cold heartless guy who can break a girl's heart and not feel bad about it. With the news of our breakup, I have recently been sought after by 3 different women who I guess have always been attracted to me but thought I would never be single. All 3 of them are gorgeous (even more than my gf that cheated on me) and great girls. I'm not really in the mood to start getting to know somebody new, but I think the main reason for that is because I would feel too guilty hurting my ex. So I guess my new question is, should I hold back from talking to anyone new because I don't want to hurt my ex? I've made it clear to my ex that I don't plan on getting back together with her and we're over, but it's only been 2 weeks. She still keeps trying. I can't blame her for the way she's now acting because I've been dumped before (for no reason remotely close to this) and was crushed. I know what she's going through. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to lose the opportunity to get to know somebody wonderful that could be perfect for me. Any thoughts?? Link to comment
mrmaximum Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 So I guess my new question is, should I hold back from talking to anyone new because I don't want to hurt my ex? I've made it clear to my ex that I don't plan on getting back together with her and we're over, but it's only been 2 weeks. She still keeps trying. I can't blame her for the way she's now acting because I've been dumped before (for no reason remotely close to this) and was crushed. I know what she's going through. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to lose the opportunity to get to know somebody wonderful that could be perfect for me. Any thoughts?? Question; ever come accross a business which doesn't replace someone they rightfully fired for fear that this may come back and hurt said person? I hear you loud and clear that you still have feelings for this woman. Good for you that you remember what had happened in the past to make you stick to your guns. This can be a very hard thing for others to remember when times once again become "good". IMO, you do not share a house, you do not have kids, you owe this person nothing. You are being a class act with not dragging her name around the muck by telling people the truth, that is more than some people get. If there are any other reasons not to move on then you should wait, but consideration about her isn't one of them. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I think it's best that you start living your life on your own terms. Go be happy man. Link to comment
abouttime Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 You don't have to flaunt it in front of her. But you also don't need to hide either. Don't miss an opportunity. You never know if this wasn't meant to be. Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I think its too soon for you to begin a serious relationship with anyone new. That said theres nothing wrong with going on some dates and getting to know someone. Just dont tell your ex. No reason to hide it, no reason not to do it... shes your ex. Just dont post on her myspace page that your dating again. NO reason to hurt her on purpose. Link to comment
Johnathan Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I think you should take her back every single time she cheats on you so that I know my situation isn't the only one where the unbelievable happened. Just kidding. My ex got back together with her ex, while we were still dating, and then she cheated on him with me like half a dozen times. He knows about it all and still loves her unconditionally and wants to spend his life with her. She cried about it and felt awful every single time. But that didn't stop her until WAY after the fact. She took a roadtrip with me behind his back and we of course had sex on that trip. She refused to tell him about it, so I told him myself in a letter. It caused some strain, but he still took her back. As if that wasn't enough, she cheated on him with me again a month later. She told him about it. He took her back. Another month later, she got into a fight with him because he caught her on the phone with me, and then she literally got in her car, left him, and went straight over to my house and slept with me. He knew about it. That broke them up for a few weeks or something, but then he took her back AGAIN. This all happened while they were living together and she was supposed to be "winning his trust back". Finally, she stops contacting me and finally, after what I think is too little too late, she nixes me for him, and tells me to get out of her life. She never once thought it was too late to work on their relationship, even 800 cheating orgasms after the fact. 4-5 months go by, and he proposes to her. They're engaged now and she wants nothing to do with me because of my outrage over it. Over some guy ruining my chances at love because he's too insecure and too much of a doormat to grow a pair and move on. Their relationship is now "stronger than ever" , whatever the F**K that means. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Ha! Been there as well... Link to comment
savignon Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 If they are in pain it's the price they have to pay for being unfaithful to someone who loves them and by not having any self control over themselves Well said!! I hate when people say that "nice guys" get treated like doormats, but let's take a look at this... YOU are worried about hurting HER and thereforee are putting off possible fun times/dates/a new relationship?? You don't want to "embarrass her" and thereforee are willing to look like the jerk to friends and family in leiu of telling the truth? You feel SORRY for her b/c she has real regrets and didn't see that you were a good guy until she cheated? You want your friends to be neutral to avoid THEM having drama?? Your self-sacraficing is a bit much. My fiancee doesn't like to hear about my PAST boyfriends...if I ever came home and told him I had a CURRENT affair....forget it!!! She is all crazy about you now b/c you're being modestly self-respecting and she is attracted to that side of you. When you were sitting home innocently while she was out banging some other guy repeatedly....she didn't think you were so hot, did she?? Once she has you back, she'll know she has the upper hand...that you care more about HER feelings, your family's feelings and your friend's feelings than your own and she won't have the same "respect" for you that she appears to have now. The question is not will SHE cheat again....it's will YOU trust her....will YOU be able to look at her the same way....will YOU be able to stand up for yourself when her pain always trumps yours?? Stop thinking this is about her----it's about YOU. Link to comment
675squat Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 I call BS. Until He cheats again...and you will prolly never know about it. Link to comment
675squat Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 He is a * * * * ing sap. She will always cheat on him because she knows she can. and as time goes on, she will get better and better at it due to all the practice she is getting. Chances are he wont find out abotu it and even if he does who wants to make a bet that he will take her back..AGAIN?! Link to comment
Brownstone322 Posted September 22, 2010 Share Posted September 22, 2010 He is a * * * * ing sap. She will always cheat on him because she knows she can. and as time goes on, she will get better and better at it due to all the practice she is getting. Chances are he wont find out abotu it and even if he does who wants to make a bet that he will take her back..AGAIN?! This thread is from February 2009. Why revive it now? Link to comment
Staple Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 DON'T TAKE HER BACK. Dude you are young. Meet someone of quality. Cheaters are the ones who are there to teach us not to fall in love with someone until you know who they are. She's a bad person IMO. Link to comment
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