a_far Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 I don't know how things are going to go. I took care of alot of things for him while he was gone like filed his taxes, got insurance for his car. So I am hoping that will make and keep him happy. I know that he is going to be mad at me for not having a job. He doesn't seem to understand that it's not an easy time to get a job. Many companies are laying off thousands of employess and unemployment is almost reaching a record. How am I supposed to get a job when everyone is losing theirs?! He doesn't understand that though. He has a secure job, he doesn't have to worry. He'll probably think I am lying about looking for a job everyday. A rational man wouldn't get mad at his wife for having a hard time getting a job right now. Sadly though, he isn't a rational man and I am going to have to hear it when he gets back. I am scared and nervous. I have no choice but to ask him for help when he gets back. That scares me because I know he will flip. If he flips then I will have no choice but to tell him I am going to his Command and leaving him. I don't deserve this. I could understand if I was staying with him because he was supporting me but he's not. Not in any way, shape or form. If he doesn't step up then it is time for me to go. It's not right that he gets paid all this money to watch me struggle and not help. It's sickening. I am truly scared. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 You're his wife and he doesn't help support you when you need it? That's not a marriage at all! Still, I'd keep looking for work and show him that you're trying. Have you tried starting a business of some kind of your own? Some people are doing this when they can't find a job. It's tough being the only paycheck, so I kind of understand his anger, but it's not your fault the economy tanked, either. Just show him that you are trying. When my brother lost his manufacturing job, he spent 8 hours a day networking and sending out resumes and applications. If your husband sees you doing this, how could he be angry at you? By the way, unemployment is nowhere near record levels, it's just high. It is nowhere near what it has been at some times in our past. Link to comment
a_far Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 I have been looking every single day. I go out in person and online every single day. He doesn't believe me, he thinks I just want to live off him. I don't. I don't want that AT ALL. It's not what I am doing either. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Hey, I had hoped you would have found somewhere else to live by now so you would have options when he got back. You know how he is going to react. He will continue to treat you as a second class citizen no matter if you have a job or not. People are supposed to get married for love not money. You should not have to work so hard to MAKE him happy so he won't yell at you. He should be happy to see his wife period! I think you know deep down inside this will not change. Something is very wrong if you are nervous because your new husband will be home from his trip soon. One last thing: Did your father treat you mother the way your husband treats you? I don't understand where you learned that it was okay to be treated this way. lost Link to comment
EQD Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 is he abusive towards you in other ways? you say he isnt rational and expressed you are in fear of his 'episodes' "the eggshell effect" Link to comment
alli Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 He doesn't know you don't have a job? I take it he is in the military & returning from a deployment, but still... it hasn't come up in a phone conversation? I can see why he might feel like you are trying to slide by without working & live off him, because under normal circumstances, if you want a job you can get one. Someone that has a job that is immune & isolated from the current unemployment situation (ie, the military) would have a hard time understanding that. I think he would believe you if you showed him your resume that you've been sending out & a list of the places, positions & dates for jobs you have applied for. If you are currently able to collect unemployment, you are probably maintaining that list anyway. If he doesn't understand that you are not trying to get by off him at that point, then what more can you do? Link to comment
a_far Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 He doesn't know you don't have a job? I take it he is in the military & returning from a deployment, but still... it hasn't come up in a phone conversation?? Yes, he is in the militray but NO he is not deployed. He is on the field and has been for a over a week now. I'm not going to say that I lost my job because of him but if it weren't for him and his "issues" I'd still have my job, my own apartment and my life. I am not going to get into that though. And I wouldn't say it's normal circumstances because of the way the economy is. I am not trying to live off him by any means. I love to work and hold my own --- just keep my sanity. But right now that isn't happening for me and I should be able to look to my husband for a little help. is he abusive towards you in other ways? you say he isnt rational and expressed you are in fear of his 'episodes' "the eggshell effect" He is not physically abusive, no. Just very mentally and emotionally abusive which in my OP is just the same and in some cases worse. Link to comment
allypally Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 You know there are pyramid selling jobs that you can do from home. Avon (beauty products) is one example, and if you have a group of female friends, you can go over to their place and sell the products by way of one of them having a party. There is nothing new about this, its been around for a while, of course you have to meet targets, but even though there is a recession, women still like to have beauty products. Link to comment
a_far Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 I have no friends here. I don't know anyone. I just moved here. I would normally meet people through work but until then, I know my husband. Link to comment
allypally Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 This seems to be one of those relationships where you are "dammed if you do, dammed if you don't". YOu can't win here. This guy doesn't deserve a wife, he wants to control you, you are living in fear. Get out of this. Link to comment
a_far Posted February 12, 2009 Author Share Posted February 12, 2009 Suprisngly things went well. Suprisingly things are STILL going well. I'm not going to hold my breathe...but things are okay right now. He told me when he got back that he realized that he cannot live without me, that he doesn't want too. I don't know what's wrong with him. Link to comment
RougeKali823 Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 He seems to have some mental issues, maybe you all should think about some sort of counseling. You should not be afraid of your husband returning to your home. That is not healthy. His mood swings are an indication of a bigger problem and emotional and verbal abuse are not acceptable. Seems like its all about appeasing him but where do your feelings come in? Link to comment
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