liquer Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Anyone out there able to help me? The ex complained to me that throughout our marriage, 16 years, that the sex life we had was pathetic. I did try to make up for it in other ways, by being extremely attentive to her needs in terms of talking, listening, taking care of problems, working hard, being sweet, etc. but she just could not summon any enthusiasm for sex towards the end. I was not particulary demanding but I know when I wanted to be intimate she just don't want to. My problem was that I come almost immediately, she complained I gave bad/painful oral sex, I was very clumsy with my fingers, etc. and that after so many years together I would have got to 'know her body' but I truly never did. I've had a few relationships since then and, well they kind of said the same thing to me about our sex life during those relationships. Any advice on how I can avoid making these mistakes and souring any future relationships? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I know this is kind of off-topic, but she was a bit too harsh with her communication. You should watch some sex-videos. Porn always helps, but they also have "how-to" videos online. Search things like "How to perform cunnilingus" or "Different sex positions". It helps a lot to see it done, then practice it on your partner. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Did she just complain or actually tell you what she liked? Next time a woman doesn't like it, rather than say "sorry". Say "I'm sorry, how do you like it?" She can't expect her to know her body when she doesn't tell you what her body wants/needs. Also, although listening and communication skills are great, they will never compensate for good sex. It's two completely different needs. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 As for cumming too soon, have you tried getting off before having sex? Do you masturbate? Link to comment
Stereohead Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I’ll admit that I started to get awfully curious about sex during middle school. Read every site I could find talking about how to please a guy-even watched a lot of porn to get an idea of what a girl should do and discover sortof…what my turn-on’s were. Well, the first guy I ended up having sex with couldn’t even tell it was my first time. –Granted a girl doesn’t play the biggest role (imo) as the guy. The guy has a lot more expectation. From what I’ve learned and heard over the years-a guy can usually withhold himself if he practices… meaning try masturbating (even with lubricants) and see if you can get your timing up. Go slower at the beginning and don’t rush to a finish once you get inside her. –Suggested that you feel her and kiss her a lot to. Be gentle but not so much that it’s like your fingering her. Work up the foreplay more so as well. –Only way I could suggest you in helping you really understanding how to finger would be porn… but circular motions, quick and slight (sometimes harsh depending on the girl) pressure. Personally, I don’t get off if they put their finger inside me…but more so when they just play with me. Be gentle when you go down on a girl. It’s not just a piece of meat that you tear into. But just like I suggested for fingering a woman, do the same thing just with your tongue. –Most guys wouldn’t want a girl to bite onto their "happy part"…so you can just use common since that they wouldn’t want that to. (I’m not making assumptions about what you’re doing wrong. Just hitting on things I’ve learned/experienced.) Link to comment
Lecturer Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 As far as the physical, tangible aspects: are you 'mindful' of what you are doing, or are you blinded by excitement? If you are overly excited, what might seem normal to you could actually be 'clumsy'. Giving pleasure to a woman is truly an art.. which I am certainly no master of.. but I do recognize it and treat it as such. Perhaps in the future you could try to video tape a session of yourself and your partner (with their permission of course), and you can review what you do.. you may realize things you are doing poorly. As far as the emotional aspect of sex.. boring sex can certainly be alleviated, but you have to be aggressive and bold.. and take charge. Women can pick up on your sexual energy, and when you "just kinda want sex" or just want them to take charge, that usually isn't what they want (most of the time). Being the powerful instigator.. the alpha male.. the one that is going to TAKE her whether she wants to or not.. is what she really wants.. in a loving respectful relationship that is. As men, we all know we need to love, cherish, and respect our partner.. but the fact is this get boring for them. Humans are creatures of contrast.. so when you love her.. then 'use' her (while she knows you love her).. and love her again - well that is extremely exciting for most women. In 16 years, though, I find it hard to believe you didn't learn anything. Perhaps you are just hurting right now, and being extra hard on yourself. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 your bad sexual skills had just as much to do with her as it did with you. so she's possibly more at fault than you are for not helping you figure out 'her body' communication is key. there is no hard fast rule to what each individual is going to like or dislike. thats why its so important for lovers to talk about whats good whats bad and what just plain sucks. for the future, try to ask your partner what they like and how they like it. and learn as much as you can from their answers. then put it into practice. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 and talk to your doctor about your 'timing' problem. Link to comment
Stereohead Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I agree with Lecturer. I do enjoy the rough, guy taking charge once and awhile. I don’t care where we be…-in the living room, watching a movie, in the car…doesn’t matter. It’s exciting when a guy just wants to have sex and going to make it clear…hard not to get turned on once he takes charge. Lol Not occasionally I’m one of those girls who tends to tease and instigate sexual thoughts. –Just a natural thing I’ve always been doing (not on purpose). But once I’m really turned on…I started to see if my partner wants to have sex…and I continue forth with playing with him. Well, I don’t do that anymore. I’ve turned religious soooo no sex till marriage. (Going to be difficult cause I did like having sex.) But yeah. Ease up, cause girls are more complicated when it comes to getting off then guys. =p Link to comment
Comatose Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 You should watch some sex-videos. Porn always helps, but they also have "how-to" videos online. If porn made guys great sex partners and more attentive to women, the world would be a far better place. That's a joke - but honestly I wouldn't get your "moves" from porn - considering how most of it is unrealistic and fake. The girls are getting paid to act and behave a certain way - do you honestly think that's what real women like or enjoy? Here's some shrewd advice to any guy - don't compare women in RL to girls in porn - and don't generalize that they enjoy the same things. Porn is just fantasy - that's what makes it so popular. I know I'll probably hear it from some people about that, but don't worry, I'm learning to expect it. So my advice is ... Why focus on the physical part of the relationship? The best part about sex is just letting it happen, not planning or worrying about it - that's what kills the mood. If you don't know what to do or how to do it, ask. Actually, even if you think you know what you're doing - ask to be sure. Most girls don't mind telling you what to do and how to do it if they're comfortable, normally that's a pretty big turn on because most guys don't go to the trouble of asking. Don't be afraid to ask what you can do to make it better, what she'd like to try, etc even if things seem to be going perfectly. Remember that most women can't have an orgasm through intercourse alone, and a lot of girls who can't are insecure about that because guys simply assume that they can, probably because of porn. Make sure the foreplay satisfies her - if you have an orgasm she should too! Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Netflix has a Kama Sutra video you can rent, or if you are signed up, you can watch it at home for free Link to comment
liquer Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 All you people that left comments...you are all beautiful! I wish you all the sex, drugs and Sun Ra you can handle. Link to comment
Comatose Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 All you people that left comments...you are all beautiful! I wish you all the sex, drugs and Sun Ra you can handle. I'll take the sex, but not sure about the drugs or the Sun Ra ... Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Granted a girl doesn’t play the biggest role (imo) as the guy. The guy has a lot more expectation. what??? - I think a fulfilled and great sexlife involves both partners equally! to the OP: don't feel bad about yourself, there was a clear miscommunication between the 2 of you, you equally contributed. As many suggested just try to read up on some techniques. And with any future partner, don't hesitate to ask what she wants and have her show you what/ how she wants it. The more open both are talking about this, the easier and more enjoyable sex will be. Link to comment
delicous Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 The best advise I can give you about sex is to make sure you are pleasing your partner...Make sure to start off by kissing her and then her neck, suck and breath on and in her ears, I love the feeling of the breath on my ears and in my ears and on my neck, I love when he kisses me from top to bottom... Another thing is to Take Your Time, Make sure to be very slow, this makes you appear a lot more confident which will make you partner appriciate you that much more. Ive been with guys in the past who were to fast and for me that was a HUGE turn off...So make sure to take your time, Look her in the eyes befor going to that final destination and when you give oral....Its all about the tongue,Lips,and Teethe..Fingers are Welcomed as well...and some girls like the knuckle to sit on the outside of the anus, Atleast I do! Lol When your going down on her another thing you want to do is make noises like an Uhh sound, it makes us girls know you are enjoying yourself...Use your tonge on the clit towards the end while your finger,1 or 2 are inside her,do the Come here with you fingers, Omg, now I want my man, Thanks OP! Link to comment
Lishy Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Premature ejaculation happens more often when you masterbate too much! You need to read up on how to be good in bed, listening and talking is fine but you cant beat a good heart throbbing orgasm! You will find it hard to satisfy and keep a woman if you cant please her in the bedroom! Link to comment
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