I am 39, he is 26

[Aura Seeker]

This board seems to have some insightful advise, so I am looking for feedback on this situation.

 

It seems socially acceptable if a man dates a younger woman, but the other way around, people want to assume that he wants to be mothered. (which isn't the case)

 

I have to admit, it feels awkward sometimes, because my daughter just had a baby, and people are having fun with the "grandmother" word! lol

 

In the beginning, I had only figured it for a fling, and nothing more serious than that, but now it is getting on to 5 months. I have insecurities about aging faster than him. Right now if people guess my age, it is never over 30, but how long will THAT last!

 

I am looking for general opinions on what YOU all think about such a huge age difference.

 

Thanks

 

AS

[Cindy C]

Far as I am concern age is just a number. I was 17 and dated a 29 year old. I am now 29 dating a 35 year old. If you are happy and love what you are doing go for it. If you have any advice for my problem look in the forum under Cindy C cause my head is so confused right now

[Vincent1984]

Why can a man fall in love with a woman older than him, I don't understand....... Seriously, I am boy, and I don't get it why peeps don't except the idea. Due to my resent research i found out that the reason is that there are some guys out there who doesn't WANT to be controlled by a woman, so when there is a situation or a relationship that in endangering his freedom, like ur case, he sprades bad romaor about that kinda idea, such as........youger man dating older woman is bad, which is simply BULL's SHIT, the truth is......well, we bad, okay, we treat our lady very nicely when she is older than us...because we afraid of losing her...., that's one of the reason, there are more, i believe...., so when u are dating a younger; u should really think that u are a very lucky woman that there is a guy who's always thinking and cares about u........Just remember this......, everything has 2 sides......, it's not like marry a man who's older than u is garanteed to bring happiness to ya, and vice versa....., and there is always a purpose, or motive behind every romars......, and it an't pretty.

Here is one example, who invented the famous KKK? A: A "Rich" plantation owner, who hires the poor whites to do the dirty jobs, so he can profit from the slavery system..., and does this shows-up in the text book of U.S. History...., No it doesn't, cuz it's too phsucologically dirty for the readers to read who believes that KKK is founded because Racism, the truth is, it was just about profitibility.....saddd

(P.S. 1 Currently I have a crush on a girl for more than 2 years who is olde r than me)

(P.S. 2 I believe in equility between genders....)

[Aura Seeker]

Thank you both for your replies. It is an interesting situation, that's for sure. It has never been my intention to pursue a younger guy, it just happened that way. He pursued me actually. It wouldn't have been something I would have done. I thought he was to young, but being with him is great.

 

I wouldn't let what anybody else has to say negative impact my decision, but there are certain ramifications to age.

 

Even with men our own age....a lot of women worry about "the younger woman" It is probably just unfounded fears. Fear non the less! ;-)

 

Thanks you two for the incouragement.

 

AS

[Cindy C]

Your welcome good luck. Just wish mine relize what he has

[Aura Seeker]

I would wish that for you too Cindy. If it were me......and it's not!!!.... I would play hard to get and see how strong the interest is. If it isn't there, you might save yourself some pain by getting out now before more time is invested. 8)

 

AS

[Cindy C]

So in other words ignore him for a day or two and see what happens

[Vincent1984]

lol, wish u two luck!!!

[Cindy C]

Vincent

Did you mean that in a bad way> I am really hurting Here

[saber92973]

I really don't see anything wrong with a older woman dating a younger man. The only time I have found a problem with it was when my daughters father left me when I was three months pregnant for a woman 20 years older than him. The woman he left me for told me not to contact him because he was to young to be a father......he and I were both 18 and she was 38. Other than my situation I really don't see it as a problem. For one thing 13 years is not a HUGE age gap. My mom and dad had a HUGE age gap, when they married he was 59 and she was 32! They were happily married for almost 23 years! So if you can get and keep a young stud then go for it!!!.......Most of all enjoy it!!!!!!

[Aura Seeker]

Thanks Saber, I think I would feel like a child molester if he were 18. That is just to young. That must have been really strange for you, that 36 yr. old sounds like she is pretty messed!

 

I guess the thing is, I hear a lot of examples of age differences, but is always seems to be the man is older. I think younger women go for older men because of the security. They are established and usually have more money and belongings than a younger man might. It has alway been very common.

 

Also, I don't think men follow the same hard ass line of importance of appearance. They get distinguished, we get crows feet! There is such a huge stigma for women to be beautiful, and for men to be accomplished (both are heavy burdens) I look fine now, but what about 10 years? He will be 36 and prime time, while I will be 49!!!! Somehow I don't think there will be any lingering looks left!

 

I am confused if I should continue this relationship, because right now....it seems we are spending a LOT of time together and falling hard for each other. I have two struggles:

 

1) Just live one day at a time, and let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.

 

2) He will still be handsome in ten years, and I might look like his grandmother. Being left to fend for myself at 50 isn't my plan. I want a partner for life. What will he see in me then? Not to mention that whole crappy menapause thing. How rough will that be!

 

Anyway, I just don't know if I should go further, but on the other hand, I am no fortune teller who can say what the future will bring!!! Yikes hey?

 

This is getting long,

 

Cindy, I don't think Vincent meant any harm. Maybe to outsiders, our answers seem simple? Or to complicated with no real answer?

 

Did you talk at all with your boyfriend last night?

 

AS

[saber92973]

I say live it day to day and if he really loves you it won't matter about how you look. My husband is a real cutie pie and well I am a large woman and he loves the hell out of me! And believe me there is alot to love...lol ! My daughters father and the woman he married are still together........he is 29 and she is 49. They do have their problems but that is them.....he married her to get away from his mommy. That sounds funny doesn't it? I didn't have a good paying job, house..ect and she did. All I had was his child and that wasn't worth as much to him. As far as it being strange for me.......well kind of. I wondered for along time what was wrong with me, and after he dumped me I went right into a very abusive relationship that lasted almost 8 years. Matter of fact I have topic on here "My ex won't leave me alone".....you should read it and the age difference thing with you and your man would seem so small! I got a stalker ex phycho marine that won't leave me alone after being apart for over 3 years!! So just enjoy what you have and screw what everyone else thinks! Good luck....... !

[Tidbit Bear]

Your situation might turn out different, but my guy kept on saying age did not matter after the first year he repeatly cheated on me (very good at hiding it until he gained the new ones trust and affection), telling me we had no future because of my age, he'd find 18-ish year old girls, then dump me, I'd be crushed and a few days later he would dump the young girl and want me back. He made sure he was never in a spot to be hurt himself.

 

What i finally realized was he was a commitment phobic, he picked me with the pre-notion that I would never work out, he'd always have the age thing to toss in my face for the reason why we had no future.

 

Bottom line is I caught him cheating on me again a few months ago and figured out who she was, called the girl to find out the truth, he had been seeing her behind my back, but he had not yet built her trust and she dumped him! First time he ended up as the one who was hurt! Now he ended up alone... and I am now alone too but healing from trusting him that age did not matter....

[Mr_Happy]

Well, for what it's worth I don't think you should worry about what will happen when you're 49, I've fancied the same woman for the last 7 years, she is now 48 and I'm 35, and she is still as gorgeous as she has always been to me. True love is about loving the person not the exterior appearance, it's in the eye of the beholder. And even if it didn't last till you're 49, so what, nothing lasts forever anyway, enjoy your life, you've only got one!

[Aura Seeker]

Thank you all for your reply. It is always a mixed bag I guess. Can go either way. There really isn't much choice left but to take it one day at a time.

 

I write that and say that, but it isn't so easy to live that! ;-)

 

Thanks again.

 

AS

[Spice]

Wow, I am so glad I found this post, and the most wonderful repleys along with it. I have much the same senario. I am 42 and my boyfriend is 27. We met 3 years ago and I also thought it would just be a fling. I tried to break it off as soon as I realized how deeply envolved my feeling were for him but he got upset. I then realized that he too had become quite attached to me. Over three years have past now and this is the best relationship I have ever had. He worships the groud I walk on. Tells me everyday how beautiful I am.

 

I have the same worries that you do. I too look great for my age. I still turn heads and have been blessed with a nice body. But for how long. What will I look like 10 years from now when he is only 38 years old? What if a younger woman comes along? Why would he stay with a grama =) like me? I feel that I maybe setting my self up for a very painful heartache.

 

This is what I tell myself when these things come up in my head. I am living one day at a time with no regrets so far. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The heartache would be just as painful now as it would be 10 years from now. So no point in breaking it off. And as far as the future goes, I could die in a car accident 5 years from now or him for that matter, and if I had broken it off I would have missed the best time of my life. So why not live life with the most woderfull man I ever met.

 

I wish you the best in your relationship. I say love him everyday with no regrets.

[Wol9]

I am 26 years old and I have been attracted to a 38 year old woman at my work for almost a year and a half. We have both agreed on several occasions that I was too young for her and she was too old for me. Well, I will tell yah, it seems like the more I get to know her, the more that the age difference dissipitates. I have the problem with my family though, even though I never really brought up the prospect to them, I still have conflicting thoughts on the matter. Is she too old for me? Would we be able to have kids? Well, a little about her. She is 38, divorced has a 15 year old daughter and has just recently broke up with her 30 year old boyfriend, which of course has added to the fire and has made thoughts between us more steamy. We always seem to joke around and talk about sexual thoughts between us but I think that both of us are afraid of the prospect of what would become of it and again, the age difference is also an issue. I guess I am used to observing younger women with older men and not vice versa. Its all new boundaries that I should explore and I should just listen to my heart and not go by what is "socially acceptable."

[A great lover]

iam really very sad because i love a girl who is older than me with like 4 months only but iam very sad what can i do?

[Turboz]

Go with the flow!

 

If you like eachother then go for it.

[A great lover]

first i am the man who love her and i don't know what to say to u about ur problem . i don't know whetjher she loves u or not and like u can ask her that and then u and her decides what to do. in my problem i need more words to make me comfortable. i think 4 months don't make a big deifference right? and if any bodyknows anything that could make me comfortable plaease tell to me because i need these words

[Starfox86]

Love, knows no age.

[kinatra]

Hi I am sorry to put a damper on things but I recently broke up wiht my gf and was and wasn't an issue. I can't lie that I would look at her and see her getting older.... I don't know I think I believe that love is blind..... She wanted to get married quicker and have babies because she was older (in low 30s) and the old clock was ticking... To be honest it was allot for me...but I think it was due to other problems in our relationship and not the age. The truth is many of my friends are getting married and have had babies, etc.... so it really doesn't matter. There is more to life than sex....I can't lie I love sex and pretty women...but I also know that I must settle down with someone who I agree with on important issues and enjoy talking to because.....I was going to say the sex and attraction go away but I don't want to believe that!!!!!!!

 

Final comment: If you are not in a hurry to get married or have babies...enjoy the relationship....talk to him about your fears....talk! I like to think that life is an adventure and not a destination. Most things, specifically sex, are best enjoy with someone else..... GOOD LUCK!

[damous]

I am 34 married to a 39 year old woman.

 

I had to answer to this because she was worried about this when we got together. Granted 5 years is a bit less than your age difference. Here's my advice if you're in this for the long haul.

 

1)If he really loves you, it does not matter what you look like in 10 years. If he's so bent on having a hot young thing on his arm at all times, then he's not for you anyway.

 

2)Make sure he knows what he wants in terms of children. I can't speak for you but if you don't want any or are at an age where you feel you can't have them (which by the way I don't think you are too old). I know that when we married, we got started fairly early with kids cause she was already 33 and we weren't sure how hard of a time we'd have. There was pressure there so don't ignore this issue.

 

Truth be told my wife is starting to get a little grey hair and she is not the size six petite she was when we met but I love her just as much today as I did then and while the age difference does become apparent from time to time, it can't change the fact that I truly love being with her.

 

I hope this helps at all.

[amtheredoingthat]

I'd like to add my two cents! I am the same age as you -- and I am facing both sides of the coin!

 

First of all, I WAS dating an older man (26 years age gap). He had similar fears as you, and he ended up leaving me over it. Specifically, he couldn't deal with the thought of time going by, him getting older and me still being "young." Of course, he was going to ALWAYS be 26 years older than me... I was going to age right along with him. But he was fearful that I would get tired of him and leave him for a younger man. And of course, although I was set in my belief that I would never do that to him, he believed what he wanted to believe. And he was fearful that he would have made me a widow early in my life. I always said, "My chance at once last relationship!" lol! He seemed to have less faith in me finding another man.

 

And now? Now that I'm not seeing him, I have actually found myself with a "crush" on a 26 year old. I have been avoiding allowing that to be knowledge here at work. First of all, as I just said, I WORK with this person (although he IS in a different department). And secondly, there's that 17 year age difference. This isn't going to help my argument for you, but women sometimes don't age as well as men do. So as cute and sweet as he is, I'm sitting back and not revealing my thoughts. I don't even know how he views me. Probably like his mother! lol! I don't think I'm girlfriend material for him.

 

However, the thing about love is that we ALL take chances. Some are more "calculated" risks than others, but they are all risks. To love, we take off all our protective armor and throw ourselves at the mercy and compassion of another. Of course, we can get hurt (and usually we do). But to NOT get hurt is to NOT love at all. Which would YOU rather have? A love-filled life? Or a life without pain?

 

Have you ever discussed your fears with him? My BF did all the time, and that was very important to me (and a healthy part of our relationship.)

 

I say, have a talk with him about the future. What it's going to be like -- has he ever thought about what it will be like when he is 36 and you are 49? When he is 46 and you are 59? When he is 66 and you are 79? Has he thought about that he may have to care for you when you are older?

 

If he HAS thought about this seriously, and has come to grips with it, then I say you have a very mature man, and let things develop! If not, tell him to do so. And he will decide for himself if this is something he really wants (and open your eyes to the future of this relationship). And of course, you need to also decide -- years from now, will YOU be able to handle this? You have to feel comfortable with it also.

 

Are you affected by the way others feel about you? If so, you'll hate being in a AGR. People will judge. Mean-spirited people will call you "Mom" or "Grandma." You have to be able to come to grips with it.

 

If you can't -- forget about it. My BF couldn't get comfortable -- it was forever "WRONG" -- and that's one reason why this relationship is over.

 

A lot to think about. I hope I was of some help.

 

8)

[Aura Seeker]

You guys Rock.

 

c