So drunk you can't remember?????

[confusedleo]

I know I always write on here its like I have no one to talk too my mother is terrible with advice and both of my parents being newly divorced I really have no one to talk too so apologies in advance that I always write on here.

 

Yesterday I had my boyfriends nephews christening ( his sisters 1st child ) so I dressed up and he gushed when he saw me and I could tell he was proud to introduce me to people until we went to the reception. We were standing around his mates laughing and his friend was like “ OHHH my wife spewed that I lost my Visa card… she saw the lap dances we had “ I glared at him? Last weekend he had come out to meet me after he went to a Bucks Night ( Bachelor Party ) Granted I knew there were going to be strippers there but after the Buck went home him and his friend must have gone to a strip club. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest… boys will be boys… So when I found this out I pulled him aside outside to talk to him and asked him did he go to one. He said he couldn’t remember and said that if he did that it was only for 20 minutes. I said to him I didn’t care… He said to me he was so drunk there are bits of the night he can’t remember. This worried me. He said he would ask his mate with what happened and I said not to bother because it would make a difference anyway. Meanwhile we are at the christening reception and all his family was around. He spent the whole day telling me to smile and tried to be affectionate with me. But when someone gives you an answer that they cant remember their own actions its rather concerning. I think that its bull that he cant remember thing is I don’t know why he would hide it from me when he KNOWS I wouldn’t get upset? I am open about porn and adult content so nothing really bothers me except one thing…. Lies.

So then when the christening finished I dropped him home and said to me this isn’t working. That he tried all day to make it better and I dragged it out. I ended up hysterical in tears wondering how this was my fault. Granted I shouldn’t have said anything at the christening because it was his family day but I was so upset with looking stupid in front of his family friend.

Now he has doubts about whether or not he wants to be with me. But the thing is did I actually do anything wrong….?

I know I have guy friends too that get so drunk they dont know what they did and how they got home but really is this a legit excuse?

Advice please…… 

[hmdreamer7]

We were standing around his mates laughing and his friend was like “ OHHH my wife spewed that I lost my Visa card… she saw the lap dances we had “ I glared at him?

 

Sorry, I don't quite understand this sentence. Are you questioning the fact that his friend thinks you glared at him or your boyfriend?

 

It sounds like your boyfriend thinks that you don't trust him. I mean you did ask him where he was, but then said that it wouldn't make any difference. Does that mean it doesn't make any difference because you still will be mad about it, or because you don't care where he was? If you don't care where he was, why did you pull him aside in the first place?

 

I'm not saying you did anything wrong, just trying to understand the situation, because if it were me, I'd want to know too, and I'd be worried if my bf were getting mind-erasingly drunk. People do forget things when they're drunk, and it sounds like he was telling the truth... unless something about the way he said it or the way he was acting when he said it make you think he was lying.

 

Also, how long have you two been together? That seems kinda harsh to just break up after one incident.

[confusedleo]

Sorry you will have to excuse my poor english.

 

"We were standing around his mates laughing and his friend was like “ OHHH my wife spewed that I lost my Visa card… she saw the lap dances we had “ I glared at him? "

 

I had no idea that his friend lost his visa card... his wife saw the statement and saw that he had been to a strip club. I didnt know about it and neither did she. Thats why I was so surprised. Usually he tells me everything.

[confusedleo]

We have been together six months or so in total.

[Amasa]

I don't know, but it sounds to me like you were mad about the strip club. And you were trying to pretend that you weren't?

 

It was a bachelor party, the whole point of those is to drink to much. Why do you care? Well as long as he had safe sober transportation. Why do you care???

 

Maybe if he was doing that on random Wednesday I could see you being concerned.

[hmdreamer7]

That's weird that he hadn't said anything about it, I mean obviously he was trying to hide it. But, if this is your boyfriend's friend and they're hanging out and drinking together, it is possible that he's lying. If he really was lying to you then I don't think you did anything wrong, you have every right to be concerned and to ask him questions. Still, this break is fresh and I think you should talk to him, let him know how you feel. Make sure he knows how his actions have caused you to feel concerned and hurt.

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't buy those, "I was so drunk, that I don't remember" excuses. It's just a ploy to try to get out of a bad situation. A person is responsible for their own actions, and the "drunk" excuse is used quite often.

[confusedleo]

It now has gotten worse. He just called me and said that people realized at the christening that we were arguing. I think he sister said something and he said to me is that the thing that he hates most about his family is that they can read his face. They knew yesterday something was wrong and his mother grilled him this morning about arguing in front of everyone. Great. He even mentioned to me that his mother had a few comments that I wore too much make up 

[hiphop3]

it's possible he could not remember what he did while being drunk, it happens, it's happened to me quite a few times. and i think you both should be concerned about that. i know that if i were to get so wasted and black out when im in a relationship, i would freak out and be worried that i may have done something stupid. but whether he remembers or not, he's still responsible for his actions.

 

don't stress about his mom commenting on your make up. she's just being a judgmental female, let it roll of your back. focus your energy on your relationship.

[confusedleo]

think this time of year brings out so many emotions so many people are highly strung. Yesterday shouldnt have happened we SHOULDNT have fought at a family function. If I had know his family all would have found out I never would have said anything and would have just questioned him today. Although my anger about the situation was hard to contain.

Yes it is concerning that he drinks to the point of not remembering, thats the main issue of him not taking care of himself when he is out. I lost my aunty and my uncle to a drink driver both were hit by a car so I take drinking abuse very seriously.

He is going out again Friday night with all his cousins and said to me not for me to be worried becasue his cousins will be there too look after him?????? Why should anyone have to look after a 30 year old? He isnt 10 years old and needs a baby sitter.

Meanwhile his cousins are down from europe meaning our relationship and issues get put on the back burner til they leave. His family is priority at the moment...

[Miss Firecracker]

I think he is lying. Why would a person say he doesn't remember what he did but that IF he did it, it was around 20 minutes? He isn't a very good liar. I think if you are with him in 20 years, you will still be confused.

[JadedStar]

First off, you are a better woman than I. I think bachelor parties are barbaric and disgusting and have never been able to hide my feelings on them.

 

Secondly, i agree with Miss F. He is a horrible liar. He doesn't remember, but if he did it was only 20 minutes? Oh come on! He could have at least admitted it since you were saying it was ok. But he chose NOT to admit it and instead lie. A very poor lie at that.

 

I think your problem is mostly not in the party but that he and his mate went BACK to the strippers when the event was over. You have every right to be upset over his actions, and even more upset over his lie.

 

If he is backing off, let him. Chances are things like this will occur again. he doesn't like being able to do whatever he wants and be called on it.

[JadedStar]

I think your first few statements are making excuses for his behavior. Drinking to the point of not remembering IS an issue and don't let him make light of it. Is this a guy you see yourself with longterm?

 

And exactly, why does he need his cousins to look after him?

[confusedleo]

Thats right. You got it..His lie is weak and so transparent. I just have no idea why he is sticking to it so much !

I just realised that with his cousins here I wont see him much til next week ...so I have decided to get MY LIFE back. I have put my eggs in one basket and its time to take them out. If he doesnt start chasing me then I know he isnt the one and slowley I am thinking maybe he isnt. If you read my other posts I have been through quite alot with him in such a short span of time.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think he will come running back. And the scary thing is, you have admitted that's what you want. There is something in you that needs this drama. I hope you find out what it is because even if you manage to end this you will end up loving another bad boy. If he starts chasing you, maybe it's because he needs the drama and knows you are willing to participate. A bunch of guys making a joke of their girlfriends catching them in a strip bar? Run, just run as fast as you can.

[Botched]

Now he has doubts about whether or not he wants to be with me. But the thing is did I actually do anything wrong….?

I know I have guy friends too that get so drunk they dont know what they did and how they got home but really is this a legit excuse?

Advice please…… 

 

 

This sounds like pure crap. There is no excuse or justification for getting irresponsably drunk. The fact that you know others who do it only indicates that the whole environment is a bit twisted.

 

He is throwing blame at you to blind you from the original path you were on. No! You are not wrong. Something came up and you deserve to know. It appears that they intended to keep a secret and failed to do so.

 

He sounds pretty weak, sorry to say.

[Shyguy24]

Hmm i think, how you handle this situation is dependant on the fact how much you value this relationship.

 

I mean you guys have been going out for 6 months and yet have trust issues, that should be a red flag by itself.

 

I would either carry on with my life and give him less importance in my life or really talk it out with him and see how he feels about your viewpoint.