Jump to content

Always do what you are afraid to do.


Recommended Posts

To grab your attention as this may become lengthy: I saw the ex last night, talked briefly to the ex last night and had PHYSICAL CONTACT with the ex last night. I feel freaking fabulous, and I'll tell you why.

 

Bit of a run-down...

 

Remember he left me 2 months ago out of the blue because he "Doesn't feel the same way anymore." No explanation otherwise. I didn't do too much to get him back besides a few emails, I just let it be, I am finding closure on my own, etc. Haven't spoken to him in awhile, month and a half maybe (I don't count the days) except the sympathy message I sent him and a sympathy card I addressed his mother sometime last week because his grandma passed away. I pretty much know absolutely nothing about his life anymore.

 

Last night I went out with a mutual friend (just to hang out!) to a dance show that our friends were in. We got dressed up for the hell of it and had a great time. The friend I went with, call him RK, accidentally dropped a bomb on me when he slipped that my ex has been screwing a 30-something (he is 22) that he plays hockey with for awhile now!!!! WhatTF!! I was dumbfounded, as I guess my friends have been keeping this from me (Bless their hearts). You know the feeling. The heartbreak, the gut falling to the floor. But anyway, this new chick is a horrid, absolutely horrid hockey player as I have seen this woman! when I used to watch my ex play...we talked about how much she sucks together and how I could suit up and be better than her!! She's larger than me, kinda stocky, which is fine, but my ex has never been attracted to girls larger than even a size 6....so I'm completely just....dumbfounded that he would even touch her. I think she might even be a firefighter? Whatever, if you wanna bang a manly firefighting, absolutely terrible hockey player then go right ahead. Barf.

 

I wasn't planning on seeing my ex last night, but after RK told me the lovely news of my ex's new * * * * buddy I instantly became very angry and said screw it, I'm going to see him sometime, why not now. We had planned to stop at the late-night pizza shop the ex works at to pick up some things from one of his co-workers (who is also a mutual best friend of ours) and originally I was going to stay in the car. Well I decided to not stay in the car.

 

Can I just say that I looked Fantastic last night. I had on a tight strapless red dress (that I wore to a wedding with my ex once and he loved it) with 3-inch red patent heels. My hair looked great, and now that I'm 15 pounds lighter the dress showed off my much smaller waist. Anyway, there is about 6 inches of snow on the ground here, so RK threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the pizza shop. Basically, my ex saw a red ass coming through the door on his friend's shoulder and said Ooooh who ya got there, buddy? He realized it was me and completely cowered and said "Oh." I walked accross the counter with my head held high, a huge smile on my face, and stood about 3 feet away from him with my hands on my hips. I can't even tell you his reaction.

 

It was priceless.

 

I expected him to walk away and go play wall-ball with his stupid laccrosse stick like he always does. I expected him to go in the back and make a pizza, or at least show absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Quite the contrary. He stood there, frozen, his face contorted with an expression of pure Shock/Horror that I know oh so well. He couldn't even look at me! He kept turning his face and body away from me but every time I looked away I saw him tilt his head a little bit to look me over. I didn't move, I stood there with my hands on my hips, smiling brightly, laughing and joking with customers and looking good, thinking to myself Yeah that's right, you go ahead and look you Piece of Sh*t. If there is any moment I'd love to relive, it would be that one. I can't even describe how uncomfortable he was, and on the total opposite side of the spectrum, how comfortable I was. Amazing.

 

So we did what we needed to do and started to say bye after 5-10 minutes of awkwardness. RK walked over to the ex and said Bye Nick, have a nice night, and they pounded fists. Well, what did I do? I walked right over to him, said Bye Nick! Have a nice night!! and stuck my fist out for him to pound. Pretty sure he almost crapped his pants. His face was red and the expression was just, indescribable. I was trying so hard to hold back the laughter. So I walked away and at the end of the counter I turned around and said bye to our mutual-friend-co-worker (who I've kind of always had a crush on) and gave him the "Bedroom face." Nick caught it, I never looked at his face again but I know he saw it. Victory is mine.

 

 

 

I told this story for a few reasons.

1. It is awesome.

2. It is a turning point.

 

 

I saw my ex last night. Touched him. Stood next to him. Breathed the same air as him. And realized that I want nothing to do with him. I realized that the person I am in love with really is gone, dead, doesn't exist anymore. The Nick I saw last night was NOT my Nick. He didn't even look the same. He looked different, he acted different, he is different, and I am not in love with that person anymore.

 

I am so glad I sucked it up and faced my fear. I'm not advising any of you to go do the same thing, I am only saying it really opened my eyes to how much I don't want that person in my life anymore. I'm still sad, I'll still cry a lot probably, but I'm sad over someone I will never know again. I'm going to grieve the loss of this person and I'm never going to look back. I hope that one day he will either want to be my friend or want me back so I can say NO WAY, to his face.

 

I think that everyone needs to realize that the people we are so upset over aren't the same people we were in love with. This is the key to my healing. I remember the good times, maybe some day I'll be able to smile at the pictures and giggle to myself over the inside jokes and stupid things we did together, but I know in my heart that it is over, that my baby is no longer here and he never will be again. He is gone, replaced with a monster that I have no desire to have contact of any sort with, nor do I want this person in my life ever again.

 

I just gotta say....I never thought he'd act that way around me. Really gives me the upper hand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Classic story! Sweet bit of revenge too

 

Gotta say though, your friend RK sounds like a real jerk. If he's a mutual friend, then it was pretty disrespectful of him to be carrying you into the place as if he's your BF right in front of Nick. I'm sure he was just trying to be a gentleman, but IMHO there's a time and a place.

 

Still, glad you got your payback and closure though

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Classic story! Sweet bit of revenge too

 

Gotta say though, your friend RK sounds like a real jerk. If he's a mutual friend, then it was pretty disrespectful of him to be carrying you into the place as if he's your BF right in front of Nick. I'm sure he was just trying to be a gentleman, but IMHO there's a time and a place.

 

Still, glad you got your payback and closure though

 

Hey Johnny, RK isn't a jerk at all, and he's notttt my boyfriend haha, we've been friends for years. I asked him to carry me because there was so much snow on the ground. Over his shoulder was the only way he could cause he has a bad back

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aplogies then....guess I was wrong. Just I know if I was RK and you'd asked me to carry you into your exes workplace - especially when we'd just spent the evening together and you were looking so hot - I'd have said I don't think that's really appropriate in front of Nick. That's just me though

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aplogies then....guess I was wrong. Just I know if I was RK and you'd asked me to carry you into your exes workplace - especially when we'd just spent the evening together and you were looking so hot - I'd have said I don't think that's really appropriate in front of Nick. That's just me though

 

Yeah I can understand that, but I'm sure Nick never thought twice about it. RK and I are nottttt on that level with one another.. more like brother and sister who hung out and decided to dress up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I just say that I looked Fantastic last night. I had on a tight strapless red dress (that I wore to a wedding with my ex once and he loved it) with 3-inch red patent heels. My hair looked great, and now that I'm 15 pounds lighter the dress showed off my much smaller waist.

 

Can we get a picture ?

 

Well I have to say, once you get to hit your ex, if he did hurt you, you'll feel great! I kind of did this when my ex called on my birthday.

 

Good for you! Let him now start overthinking about what he lost and what he has right now with his NHL-wannabe sex buddy.

 

Again, can we get a picture ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't move, I stood there with my hands on my hips, smiling brightly, laughing and joking with customers and looking good, thinking to myself Yeah that's right, you go ahead and look you Piece of Sh*t.

 

Hahaha! Good for you Fran! This is a great story and thanks for sharing it w/ all of us! I'm glad to see you are on your way to hapiness! Good for keeping your head up. Don't ever let it down!

 

gee

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, hoOrAy! Good for you, FranFran.

 

The fact alone that you got out there to have fun is good enough, but when you can look and feel fAbulous doing it.... AND the ex gets a load of it? That's over the top crazy good.

 

To have your interest in him melt away while you felt all glowy is the ultimate accomplishment when you're in heartbreak territory. You're officially the hero of the breakup world!

 

Big (((hUg))) to you! (...and flowers ...and a crown...)

 

As always, in your corner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haha thanks guys! Yeah it was a shining moment indeed.

 

I have a question, I just noticed that in some of the pictures I have of him and I on facebook, he detagged himself....But he only detagged himself in a few pictures when we went skydiving for his birthday and had a blast. I think he might have done this last night? Cause I didn't notice it yesterday at all. Why didn't he just detag the other 200 pics he is in with me? I don't get it..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

thinking to myself Yeah that's right, you go ahead and look you Piece of Sh*t.

 

BAHAAHAHA. Oh man that made me laugh out loud. Seriously.

 

*internet high fives you* you're awesome for the fist gesture too, lol. Good read, glad to hear you faced your fears and it turned out for the better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the words everyone I only hope all of you get to taste the sweetness of this encounter for your own someday....

 

 

I'm still wondering why he only detagged himself in a few pictures from his birthday weekend on facebook, instead of the whole 200 of us. He did it that night, after he saw me. It doesnt really affect me emotionally, I'm just wondering WHY!

 

Any thoughts?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're pretty much dead wrong about me, but I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion!

 

Hello Fran,

Of course you're entitled to get through your pain any way you see fit. Freely expressing yourself here is what this place is designed for. You're doing this right--even when you have your setbacks, and even when you have your triumphs.

 

Reading of your experience lifted me a mile high yesterday, and I don't even know you. Look what good you've done for a complete stranger--not counting all the others here who've cheered you on.

 

When I was your age I spent 4 years living with the only man I've ever loved without deluding myself. You know, as a real human being, not some fantasy, and he was also my best friend. I thought of him as my family. Unfortunately, he suffered depression, and I spent our last 2 years on the fence--wanting to leave but afraid of what would happen to him.

 

He helped me move out; he even painted my new place. It was bittersweet when he found someone new, but my relief outweighed all else--I truly wanted him to be happy. I was kind to her and encouraged him, and she stayed more consistently in touch with me and my sister than he did. I attended their wedding, and when they moved out of state we fell out of touch except for the pics of their beautiful kids I received over the years.

 

Fast forward to our 40's; I heard from him 2 years after his divorce was final, about a year and a half ago. He was staying with family a few hours away, and when he spent the weekend I felt as though my brother had come home. We weren't sexual, but later in spring when he spent a week, all my old feelings returned. Unfortunately, he had not overcome the problems that broke us in the first place--he'd grown even worse. We parted as amicably as we did years ago, only this time, it broke my heart.

 

My crying jags were similar to the ones you've written about, only they lasted half a year. The futility of wanting him back was only compounded by the fact that having him back would be more futile--I couldn't live like I did for those years, much less spend the rest of my life being a nursemaid and becoming someone who I knew even years ago that I was never meant to be.

 

I guess my point is, I'm better off for suffering through this as painfully and as thoroughly as you are doing right now. When I squelched it all years ago, I thought I was being mature and generous--but I came out sideways and threw myself into relationships I never should have touched, and I did stupid things to avoid going through the very hell I only ended up going through years later anyway. It's like some kind of right of passage caught up with me that I'd tried to skip--but the only way 'around' it is through it.

 

You are doing fine. I admire you. You'll get to the other side of this--in your own way, in your own time. Trust yourself.

 

In your corner.

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...