ava321 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. He is very intense, bigger then life personality, and I was sort of swept away. The realationship got very physical very fast ( I know, I know...but too late now) and is the most intense thing I have ever experienced. The best way to describe it would be "9 1/2 weeks"-esk but in this case 2 1/2 weeks (with less attractive people He says he is falling in love with me (I am skeptical, 2 1/2 weeks !, and he is a bit manic- diagnosed manic/depressive and medicated) and I feel like I have led him believe I am on the same page. But when I am honest with myself tonight, having not been able to sleep and with an upcoming date to see him (sleep with him tomorrow) I am pretty certain there is not a lot of potential for a long term relationship withi him - that is the incredible sexual chemistry that keeps pulling me back. I want to be in love with the person I sleep with, and want to get out of this. I feel like crap because I left him yesterday and he thinks everything is fine, but it is not. I feel like a jerk- that I let him believe, and even told him that I am feeling more , but the truth is I can't do this anymore. I am afraid to tell him because I know he is going to feel blindsided, and even misled. He also has a law degree and a strong personality- I will be interrogated a bit becuase he will want to understand. I don;t know what I am asking for here, I guess advice on telling him and ending it? Does this sound familiar to anyone out there? Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 He can interrogate you all day long but you owe him no explanation whatsoever. He should be grateful that you figured it out so fast. Link to comment
welshieme71 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Go with your gut always. Its hard to hurt someone but don't let anyone manipulate you into being with them if you don't want to be, regardless. Try to move forward. You are indeed very intelligent and independent to discover this so quickly. Run with it and good luck. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 be cautious with those who are overly passionate like that in the beginning, especially with psychological disorders and law degree..This sounds like someone I dated who went too fast with me and ended up being very verbally abusive and trying to keep me in the relationship as long as possible while I struggled with hurting him and finding my feelings until finally he left me in a drama fit for a broadway play, tears, drunkeness, sex..married the other girl in two weeks...THey moved away and divorced not long after..I feel sorry for him now..I think people like that dont know themselves to love anyone... Link to comment
IndigoEye Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 What do you think will bail you out of these dilemmas in life? Your parents, ENA, the government? No one is with you at every moment, for every encounter in your - incredibly lo-------------------------ng life. Yeah, it's going to happen again, real soon. Will you develop a method to stave off these impulses every time or do you intend to wallow in perpetual compromise? What will be there for you to rely on every time? Anything? How about you build some character in your formidable years and work on gaining wisdom. You're asking for someone here to step in and be your character for you? YOU don't need advice. I know that because you've just acknowledged the dilemma that going through with this date will present you. You need to be responsible for your actions. Winner or a loser? What are you. You're defining yourself every day. Link to comment
ava321 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Thank you for the quick replies ready2heal, welshieme71, and Anon333 ... I really appreciate the support. I have a hard time speaking up to this guy, and coming here is my way of gathering support and courage. Geesh, indigo! I am a bit taken aback by the anger in your response. I am human!! I do not mind being challenged and looking at things from another perspective, as I come here to chat with people going through similar situations, to gain a better understanding of myself and others. I appreciate you taking the time to respond, but with all do respect, back off. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 yeah..Indigo, I know you were trying to help, and I agree with what you say, but it did come accross a little harsh....I think when you get involved with someone like this, even in the early stages it is still dangerous...I could be completely wrong..But I would really be careful about this guy... Indigo is right, that in this situation you cannot be the wishy washy person who lets someone else dictate your actions or even your feelings, because if this is the type of person I think you are dealing with, he could very easily control that...You sound like I was before I met him (the guy I was talking about)....He made me unsure of myself because he came accross as very intelligent and could easily argue something I said and turn it around...Do not let him play head games with you...If he is a kind and goo person you WILL KNOW when you tell him you are scared at how fast things have gone and you dont want to continue a relationship that is unbalanced in how you feel about eachother..If he respects you and is understanding about it, than he was a good person that just really go carried away in liking you ALOT too soon..If he tried to argue (even in a caring way) to give it more time and to try and make it work, you are just setting yourself up for more drama and hurt... Link to comment
IndigoEye Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Right. I'm severely in need of sleep. Will go over that tomorrow. Might end up apologizing for it. Good night. Sorry in advance ava. Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 What does he do that freaks you out? Link to comment
ava321 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 No problem- I do appreciate that you took the time to write and know there is truth in your words. i need sleep too... Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 How did you meet this person? Did he tell you his has this disorder? It's hard to be with this type of person, because their moods change so often you never know one day from the next how they are going to react...and also they don't handle stress well. Write me anytime Link to comment
cruzer Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I just have to say that if u do feel this way, and do not want to be with him u should let him know, and not keep misleading him. It is a terrible thing to think everything is going good and waste time, money, and feelings to find out the other did not feel the same as you. Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Tell him it's over, don't explain it and don't give him a chance to talk to you about it. He'll probably try to convince you out of it. Then go NC. These types can be overwhelming and frustrating to deal with. Link to comment
ava321 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Thanks to everyone for posting. Dreamwarrior: I met him volunteering for a political campaign. He is in politics, very successful, used to winning, and as I said, larger then life in many ways. It is funny, I was reading over what I wrote last night and I realize I left out the fact that I have been honest with him all along- I told him I was not in love with him, I did not know where this was going, I wanted to slow down, but yet I am still sleeping with him. And he concludes this means I am falling in love with him. He keeps telling me he can see it my eyes. He writes me love letters, etc.. very romantic. I guess that is why I am freaking out, becuase it is everything a girl should want, but two 1/2 weeks in feels premature and overwhelming. Plus the sexual aspect of us has gotten way beyond what I feel comfortable with. I hoped I would fall in love with him, but I just feel overwhelmed. I tried to tell him this last week, and he basically made, argued a case why we are compatible. I did not think I was such a push over, but I let him convince me to continue thus far. Convinced myself perhaps too if I gave it more time I would come around. I am going to call him today. I know it is better to do these things in person, and I hate for him to think I am disrespecting him by the using the phone but last time I tried in person to break things off I felt like I was on the witness stand and did not hold my ground very well. I hate that sometimes I do not know what I am feeling- or fail to listen to my gut until AFTER I agree to go along with something and then realize I am not comfortable after all. Regardless, I am calling him... Link to comment
IndigoEye Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Ava123, Thank you for YOUR reply. Yes, I needed sleep; but honestly, I was irritated with someone else and dumped some tension on you. That was my mistake and I'd just like to, again, apologize after getting some rest. That won't happen again. Hope you had a good outcome today with it if you got to address him. I think "in person" is very respectable in that it's a show that you aren't afraid of him. You can stand up for yourself. That's effective. And if you have to deal again, remember: In politics, it's just his brain that matters. In a relationship, it's his mind, heart and libido involved, possibly even connected (and you've got his attention?) I'd say you're on even ground. Move with such confidence! Best of luck And annon333, very well said, and thanks. Link to comment
ava321 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 It is over...I ended it. Just wanted to let you guys know. I very much appreciated all the feedback. After talking with him tonight, I have a greater appreciation for what is like to live with bi-polar. He is a good guy, very caring, but my god all the emotions came out tonight... crying, arrogant, aggressive, almost elated, loving, and then he proposed marriage. I really did not get it until tonight...I thought he was just coming on very strong and was very intense but it is so much more then that. I just feel sad, sad for him to be dealing with all that he experiences w/ bi-polar, and relieved that its over. Link to comment
Anon333 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Oh god ava...You really were dealing with the type of person i thought you were..Please be careful...You may think its over but you dont know what these people can do..He may try to win you back...My guy talked abou t marriage and said he loved me so soon it made my head spin and really made evrything he said feel like a lie....I hope you have broken ties and are good..because he may try anything to spin you back in..and you may miss his passionate ways and fall back into it..DO NOT get lonely and romantasize how passionate he was with you..I promise, it is all wrong...You sound like you are on even ground and doing well.....Im glad you found your voice...keep it that way! Indigo...Sorry if I zounded like I was putting anything down you said..I think you were right on...Maybe you hadnt slept enough..I know how that feels..Im going through crap and insomnia has been awefull...message me if youd like... Link to comment
waveseer Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Good job standing up for yourself. Link to comment
IndigoEye Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks Anon. Eva, waiting game, good luck. Link to comment
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