Do people really get confused or is it a cop-out?

[tattoobunnie]

When you try to get a clear answer from your ex, "You don't want to get back together, right?" and they answer, "I don't know. I love you." Is that a total cop-out? Do people really do get confused, and unsure of what they want? Or is it their way of stringing a person along?

[makeupgrl99]

their way of stringing you along

[JMichelle124]

I think it is possible to be confused because I know my heart and head battle eachother a lot but I also know that in most cases this is so he doesn't have to let you go all the way..he can still have his cake and eat it too!

[SapphireNoir10]

I think they do know. They just arent quite ready to let you go. Its the 'I dont want you buttt I dont wanna let you go to find someone else'

 

So yes I think its GENERALLY a cop out. They genuinley might not know but theres no point putting your life on hold for them to decide.

[Grace]

I imagine people do get confused, I've been confused before, but that is NOT an excuse. If you don't know if you want to be with someone then essentially its the same as not wanting to be with someone.

 

I would not want to be with someone who equivocates their love, I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, no questions asked. Although I do forget that sometimes, le sigh.

[nada_es_fake]

Sometimes I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I think when people say that they are looking for the easy way out. It's easier to tell someone "I don't know" than to say "No" just because some people can't stand the thought of being hated or the other person being angry with them.

 

I asked my ex one time if she ever thought we'd be together again and say said "I don't know. It's hard to tell about this point. I can't predict the future, and I can't give you false hope, either."

 

Personally, I've always known whether I would want to be with someone again, so it makes me hard to believe that other people might truly be confused.

[knightNshiningarmor]

i think people often get confused with love and a sense of comfortability. I think its very easy to recognize a good thing but ultimately know its not meant to be. And i think this happens a lot when the other person is a good person and especially when the other person does everything for their SO those people are hard to logically leave because of how well they treat you. But you cant stay with someone for the way they treat you...thats not what love is based on...a component yes but not everything.

[tattoobunnie]

I asked my ex that question on the day I told him that I wanted to move on, and stop talking to/seeing him...either poop or get off the pot. He asked me why it had to be so final. Um, it became final when you broke up with me, buddy!

 

Nada_es, I hear you on that one...past relationships, clear, cut, no "I don't knows"

[SapphireNoir10]

Good response!! He cant keep you hanging on, he cant have his cake and eat it too!

[Cognitive_Canine]

They aren't sure.

 

And, frankly, don't wait on them if they aren't sure.

[Karmageddon]

I don't understand the concept of not knowing if you want to be with someone. I think it is a cop out and a way to string someone along.

 

If you don't know, then the answer is no.

[melrich]

for most people it is in their nature to try and soften the hurt they cause to other people. Probably what they really feel is "It's over and I am glad I am free of this relationship" but it comes out as "Im not sure what I want, I need some space right now"

 

It's not a cop out IMHO, it is people saying what they think are the right words to minimise the hurt they are causing.

[Robert013]

I told my ex that I loved her, and she admitted she still loved me also. She is with someone else. So i told her if I hurt you so bad that you cannot forgive me then I have to walk away forever. Her imediate response was "I don't want that because i want a relationship (friendship) with you and your son." She also said that it would hurt her to see me with someone else. How selfish.

 

Like BlueAfterglow08 said they don't want you but they do not want you to move on and find someone else.

 

So I am doing as you should do walking away forever with NC.

[Sunshine3]

wow, the " I don't know what I want" answer seems to be very popular.

 

My Ex has said this(grass is greener syndrome) and when I asked do you want to get back together? He says he sees me in his future. He also said, I'm not dating to meet someone to marry, just dating for the experience.

 

The fact is I may not be there when you decided that the grass really wasn't greener. I was caring, I was LOYAL - I don't deserve this treatment.

[HeartGoesOn]

The only think they're confused about is whether they can keep you on the back burner, while they see if something better is out there.

[tattoobunnie]

Yeah...I stuck around for another two months when he said, "I don't wanna work things out right now, in the future, yes. It'll be fine. I love you, I miss you, I don't want anyone new, blah-blah." What-evs! But I will admit, I do slightly relish hearing from the grapevine of men from past relationships that they're all still miserable...though now I can add that to my red-flag spotting list...unambitious and indifferent with themselves...bye-bye.

[tattoobunnie]

It's strange seeing a person's true colors at the end...how selfish they can be.

[Mavh25]

for most people it is in their nature to try and soften the hurt they cause to other people. Probably what they really feel is "It's over and I am glad I am free of this relationship" but it comes out as "Im not sure what I want, I need some space right now"

 

It's not a cop out IMHO, it is people saying what they think are the right words to minimise the hurt they are causing.

 

100% agreed

[Cognitive_Canine]

for most people it is in their nature to try and soften the hurt they cause to other people. Probably what they really feel is "It's over and I am glad I am free of this relationship" but it comes out as "Im not sure what I want, I need some space right now"

 

It's not a cop out IMHO, it is people saying what they think are the right words to minimise the hurt they are causing.

 

That is a very good point.

[tattoobunnie]

Ugh...what's so bad is that he was trying to set up a weekly date night with me at one point. To me going, "okay, I'm moving on..." to him saying, "we're trying to work things out" to me saying, "um, talk is cheap." It's like dealing with a teenager almost. I would figure by the time you're 30, that you learn to be honest, and clear about what you want, and don't want.

 

I decided to pull the trigger, and get off the crazy train. Tough part about it is learning to associate things/life without him...create new memories, fun stories.

 

Right now, I'm really trying to push myself to date...feel like I gotta do it, start fresh...just keep it light and breezy.

[tattoobunnie]

While I'm in a bit of some men are stinkers stage, so see this as more as a humorous comment to get me through the day...at least from some sorrow to a lil bit of a smile,

 

Sunshine3, just like my friends want to do it for mine, wish I could give your ex a swift kick