What is so wrong with dating older men?

[Car Chick]

Let me ask you this. How many relationships have you been in?

 

Why do you want to know that?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Every single one of my relationships gets attacked by my mother and my boyfriend is a great guy.

 

Just know if your relationship is a good one, take care of yourself, and only take other people's points of view on it if what they have is constructive. Don't give into judging based on a "feeling". Only listen if they truly have a concern.

[Mythical_Suicide]

He's way out of my leauge in looks. I am surprised he's intrested in me. I actually think he's more the trophy. Sexy, toned arm muscles, blue eyes, a smile to die for with dimples to match. He's the catch.

 

 

See this is the first mistake you are making.. Thinking like this is trouble.

Start thinking of yourself as more.

[Car Chick]

Also, rarely do young girls (can happen to anyone but more so in young girls) let others know about the bad parts of their relationships. So, the family nor friends has any idea of what may actually be going on. They assume the worst.

 

But if that was the only issue, they would assume that with any relationship. When I dated a 17 year old (at 18) everyone was fine with that.

[avman]

Does he treat you well? Is he good to you? Are you happy?

 

IF the answers yes then you dont need us to validate your relationship. you know whats right for you for now.

 

We just dont want you to get hurt.

 

That's the key right there. Just have your eyes open in the relationship. If it works for you then who cares what others think.

 

And yes your partner may indeed love you very much.

 

But you asked why people express concern over such relationships - so that's what people are answering.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Why do you want to know that?

 

 

Because I am trying to understand more.

 

If this is your first serious relationship, it can change the way things are viewed. It could be you are so "in love" because this is your first serious relationship and it's with a much older man making it seem like such a "romance made in heaven" type scenerio.

 

 

You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

 

 

People just don't want to see you hurt.

[Cognitive_Canine]

But if that was the only issue, they would assume that with any relationship. When I dated a 17 year old (at 18) everyone was fine with that.

 

That's one year difference. Almost exact life experience and maturity levels.

[Car Chick]

See this is the first mistake you are making.. Thinking like this is trouble.

Start thinking of yourself as more.

 

 

I know I need to think better of myself. That's one thing I love about him. He feels the same way- he thinks I have too low of self-esteem. He's always telling me to forget what my dad thinks about me and see me how he does, and love me.

[Mythical_Suicide]

But if that was the only issue, they would assume that with any relationship. When I dated a 17 year old (at 18) everyone was fine with that.

 

 

People do assume that with every relationship, just not as much as they do with such a large age gap. Face it, it makes one question what motives an older man in his 30's/40's is really looking for when he goes after a teenager. Yes, there are times when it's because he truly loves the girl but more often than not it's either for show or for sex.

[SapphireNoir10]

He's way out of my leauge in looks. I am surprised he's intrested in me. I actually think he's more the trophy. Sexy, toned arm muscles, blue eyes, a smile to die for with dimples to match. He's the catch.

 

Thats not the way to look at it. Of course your worth of his attention. You should be equals.

[Mythical_Suicide]

i've been in a large age gap relationship before (Not as big as yours but 7 1/2 years) so I understand the way people respond and I also understand the worries people have.

[Car Chick]

Because I am trying to understand more.

 

If this is your first serious relationship, it can change the way things are viewed. It could be you are so "in love" because this is your first serious relationship and it's with a much older man making it seem like such a "romance made in heaven" type scenerio.

 

 

You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

 

 

People just don't want to see you hurt.

 

I've dated other people before too. It's not my first serious relationship. I was serious with another guy but he wasn't ready for that commitment. And this isn't my first older guy relationship. I've dated 6 other older men.

[JadedStar]

The biggest reason i find your maturity to be in question is because of how much you let this bother you. Do you think a person of sound maturity really worries to this extent what others think of the man she loves?

 

The fact that you also think he is way more of a 'catch' than you is another sure sign of insecurity. When one person in a relationship feels inequitable it causes a lot of other problems to manifest over time.

[Car Chick]

i've been in a large age gap relationship before (Not as big as yours but 7 1/2 years) so I understand the way people respond and I also understand the worries people have.

 

Did you feel attacked by them too?

[SapphireNoir10]

Nobody is meaning to be judgemental or down on your relationship.

 

Its just good like Avman said, to have your eyes open to all possibilities and know that these things can happen with older guys, younger guys, with anyone.

 

Only you know if your happy and it can work.

[Car Chick]

The biggest reason i find your maturity to be in question is because of how much you let this bother you. Do you think a person of sound maturity really worries to this extent what others think of the man she loves?

 

 

I care about him so I want to stand up for his integtey. I don't see that as immature.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Did you feel attacked by them too?

 

Yes, but as I said before I didn't let it bother me because I was secure in my relationship. I knew we were both in it for the right reasons and I knew I wasn't being used by him so I didn't listen to what others had to say about him.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I care about him so I want to stand up for his integtey. I don't see that as immature.

 

 

If you care about him, and he is good to you and cares about you in return. Don't let other people get to you. They will have opinions regardless. In the end it's your relationship.

[Car Chick]

Nobody is meaning to be judgemental or down on your relationship.

 

Its just good like Avman said, to have your eyes open to all possibilities and know that these things can happen with older guys, younger guys, with anyone.

 

Only you know if your happy and it can work.

 

Exactly. It's up to me. But it really bothers him. Like I've said, he's very shy. He has low self-esteem too. His dad abandon him when he was young. It's really hard for him to have so many people down on him when he doesn't really think much of himself anyway.

[Car Chick]

If you care about him, and he is good to you and cares about you in return. Don't let other people get to you. They will have opinions regardless. In the end it's your relationship.

 

Thank you.

[rosephase]

My boyfriend is 17 years older then me, we started dating when I was 21 and he was 38. 3 years later things are still going well.

 

What I would be worried about is the fact that you aren't dating this guy. If this is the same guy you last posted about in your last post. He _might_ have another girlfriend, he _might_ be engaged, that seems to be more of the issue.

[JadedStar]

Exactly. It's up to me. But it really bothers him. Like I've said, he's very shy. He has low self-esteem too. His dad abandon him when he was young. It's really hard for him to have so many people down on him when he doesn't really think much of himself anyway.

 

You cannot be his savior or his shield in life. It is extremely concerning that a 19 year old girl feels she has to shield a grown man from criticism.

 

I am not even going to discuss the age gap at this point, just based on what you have stated even if he were your age the relationship doesn't suond very healthy. You think he is way more of a catch than you, you are spending more time defending this relationship it seems than relaxing and enjoying life like a teen should, and you feel you need to shield this man from criticisms that he needs to handle more like an adult....seems like a mighty big handful for a 19 year old to be shouldering at this point.

[SapphireNoir10]

Exactly. It's up to me. But it really bothers him. Like I've said, he's very shy. He has low self-esteem too. His dad abandon him when he was young. It's really hard for him to have so many people down on him when he doesn't really think much of himself anyway.

 

Just tell him what you've told us. It doesnt matter. You dont judge him and thats what matters. He shouldnt care what others think if your happy

 

Not everyone is down on it either, maybe a lil bit wary and skeptical.

[Car Chick]

Thank you all for your insight. I think I can see more where people are coming from on this. They aren't trying to be judgemental so much as they are trying to watch out for me. I just hope that in the future, you can see my side too now, and understand why it's so hurtful for me to see the man I love called immoral and shot down like that.

[SapphireNoir10]

Of course it is. But people will have their opinions you just have to ask yourself why theyt have them and if you should listen or not.