How to reject someone (nicely)

[sunflower_girl]

Here's the story, I was seeing someone casually. At first, I really liked him but due to our schedules not meshing well (he was really busy with work, I was always travelling) things cooled down a lot. I moved on--no harms done. He would text me every once in a while, I would respond once I had the time. Then, I stopped responding altogether because things didn't seem like they were going anywhere for us. (We weren't officially dating so I didn't think I owe him an explanation).

 

Two weeks ago, I met someone new. This guy is completely sweeping me off my feet! He's charming, attractive, witty and seems really into me. However, three days ago, the first guy contacts me and asks if he could see me...I was lukewarm about the situation. He kept asking so I finally (to be nice) agreed to meet him for coffee this Sunday. The problem is...I don't really want to go. He seemed so excited about catching up that I didn't want to let him down! How do you nicely reject someone? I would feel very awkward if he tries to kiss/flirt with me on Sunday.

[DN]

"I am flattered by your interest in me but I realise that I wouldn't be able to return it so I have decided it is better for both of us if we don't meet after all"

[ghost69]

'i'm seeing someone right now.'

 

'i'm sorry, but you aren't my type.'

[lady00]

Well you should not have accepted the date, but what's done is done. I suggest that you call him and cancel ASAP. And apologize to him for the late notice.

[kaoticbaby]

i would just call and say that i can't make it, and that i wish him well. hopefully he'll get the hint. if he asks again after that, i'd be honest and say "i'm seeing someone at the moment, but it was nice to hear from you again."

[sunflower_girl]

Since I already agreed, isn't it too late to cancel? Or, can I still get out of it?

[ghost69]

why not meet up with him, have a chat and when he asks you to dinner, you decline and tell him that he has the wrong impression of 'you and him'.

[kaoticbaby]

Since I already agreed, isn't it too late to cancel? Or, can I still get out of it?

it's never too late to cancel. especially if it would just be leading him on. you're doing him a favor.

[sunflower_girl]

Meh, I should just man-up and go!

[grymoire]

On a general note, I am surprised that the OP is saying that she is being nice to the first guy by accepting a date. Honestly is it a nice thing? If a guy did the exact same thing and posted about it here in ENA won't he be ripped apart for leading on the poor girl?

[lady00]

No it's not too late to cancel. It's better than showing up and having him feel like you've wasted his time.

[sunflower_girl]

grymoire, I know where you're coming from...double standards are horrible. The thing is, I really liked the first guy at one point. But, it just didn't work out...I mean, neither of us contacted the other person for almost a month so I figured silence was a clear "not interested" sign. I moved on.

Then...I hear from him 3 days ago (out of nowhere). It's just an awkward situation and I was caught off guard.

[kaoticbaby]

On a general note, I am surprised that the OP is saying that she is being nice to the first guy by accepting a date. Honestly is it a nice thing? If a guy did the exact same thing and posted about it here in ENA won't he be ripped apart for leading on the poor girl?

i think there would be more mixed responses, yeah. you'll always get some posters with unfair double-standards.

i don't think the OP should have accepted the date, but I don't feel as if there is a reason to rip into her either.

 

i also don't think she should just "bite the bullet" and go (as she is suggesting.) it will just lead him on.

 

i think she felt more backed into a corner than anything, which is understandable. but if she is seeing a guy who she is interested in, then she should just cancel this date.

[kaoticbaby]

No it's not too late to cancel. It's better than showing up and having him feel like you've wasted his time.

^ good point. that's where i was getting at.

[lady00]

On a general note, I am surprised that the OP is saying that she is being nice to the first guy by accepting a date. Honestly is it a nice thing? If a guy did the exact same thing and posted about it here in ENA won't he be ripped apart for leading on the poor girl?

 

I think if someone is genuinely not sure how they feel about someone, then why not go on a few more dates. That is what dating is for. However in this case, the OP knows that she is not interested, so IMO it's not right to waste his time by going, so I completely agree with you. That is where I'd draw the line between dating to see if you are into someone and leading someone on. No one likes a pity date and if they knew that's what it was, they would not show up.

[george237]

The date is Sunday so you can still cancel today. I would send him a text and say "I accepted your date because your a really nice guy and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. However, I think I will be doing more harm then good by meeting up with you because I have teaken interest in somebody else."

[DN]

Moderator Note: This is a thread about how to get out of a situation gracefully. It is not about condemning the OP for getting into that situation in the first place. Further posts on those lines will be deleted as off-topic.

[lady00]

The date is Sunday so you can still cancel today. I would send him a text and say "I accepted your date because your a really nice guy and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. However, I think I will be doing more harm then good by meeting up with you because I have teaken interest in somebody else."

 

I would call and cancel today. I would not do it through text. I would not go into an explanation either. It's unnecessary and potentially hurtful. To me, it's too much information. He doesn't need to know that you've met someone that is a better fit. He just needs to know that he is not a good fit for you so that he won't ask you out again. Just a simple "I can't make it, I don't think we are a good match should suffice." My $0.02.

 

Whatever you say, make sure you call him ASAP so that he has an opportunity to make other plans.

[grymoire]

The date is Sunday so you can still cancel today. I would send him a text and say "I accepted your date because your a really nice guy and I didn't want to hurt your feelings. However, I think I will be doing more harm then good by meeting up with you because I have teaken interest in somebody else."

 

I think this is perfect. Very well worded.

[murman2]

I agree with lady.. As a guy, I appreciate honesty and once I know a girl isn't interested it's easy for me to brush it off... As for hints, IMHO I think they're cowardly.

[servedcold]

Eh, it's just coffee. I think you should go and be upfront about being involved with someone now. It doesn't sound like either one of you were very emotionally involved to begin with. If it were a long or expensive date, I'd say cancel, but again, it's just coffee. The new relationship has only been going two weeks, and don't want to scare you, but there's reason to be wary of being "swept off your feet" in a mere two weeks. There may come a time down the road when you would like to be on good terms with guy #1. Best wishes whatever you decide.