Can gift giving be succesfully used as a tool to get an ex back?

[kevin456]

Hypothetical situation:

 

My ex was really into hats. She had a passion for them.

 

She owns one hat in particular that she really likes, with a pink flower on it. But she always wanted one with a pink flower and a yellow flower.

 

When we used to go shopping, we would go to the hat stores to find the hat that she searched for. Store after store, they never had the hat she was looking for.

 

With the holidays coming up (and her birthday), could giving her the hat that she has been searching for help in the reconciliation process? This hat has sentimental and historical value between us, so it seems to be different than buying her flowers or expensive jewelry.

 

Keep in mind that I have broken NC, and would only consider giving her the hat after a couple of dates. I would only give it to her if I sense that things are going well between us. This remains to be seen.

 

Would she appreciate the gesture? Or would it be seen as me trying to buy my way back into her heart? Or perhaps it varies by case...thoughts?

[SapphireNoir10]

I think its thoughtful and sweet. And personally I'd be happy with that.

[redhearts]

You cannot FORCE someone love you or get back together with you. Giving her a hat is almost like manipulating her into feeling guilty to get back with you.

[melrich]

Giving her a hat is almost like manipulating her into feeling guilty to get back with you.

 

I agree. I think such a gift would probably make her feel very awkward.

[sparkles4]

I agree that it could lead to a potentially awkward situation. If you were already with her and wanted to do something nice, buying her the special hat would be one thing. But buying her the hat as a means to get her back will most likely be viewed as a manipulation tactic, and could make her feel guilty and awkward if she doesn't want to get back together. It's safer not to do it.

[Lionel Hutz]

I came to these crossroads during my break up. I went against the advice I got here and sent her flowers last Valentines day. It worked! But I had a clear idea of if it was the right thing and the right time. She had already expressed that she missed me. If you are prepared for your nerves to be a wreck that day, and prepared to run through all the rejection scenarios, and prepaerd for failure, go for it.

 

I went into it prepared for the worst; ie, Her and her new boyfriend would laugh there asses off at me, she would think it was from the new guys shes dating, she would think I was psycho and never talk to me again; or the best case scenario, getting her back. And I did. I realised the worst cases were out of a fit of paranoia and totally conjured up by my imagination. So if you know this could work on getting your foot back in the door, do it. Prepare to be rejected though. Good luck!

[JohnGalt]

You gotta understand how women think. They want gifts from men they like. They don't want gifts from men they dumped. You give a gift only if you dumped her and she still has feelings for you. And then I would go with a romantic dinner and her favorite flowers AND the hat. If you got dumped, drop the gift all together. It's a waste of money.

 

If you got dumped, you gotta understand why she dumped you. If its because she already has another man, forget it. If it is because you cheated on her, forget it. If it is for other reasons, you have a shot, but you gotta be smooth. Can't be desperate.

[chilledsugar]

no, nice though but no.

no contact during the holidays

[onemanband]

Hat

 

+

 

Distraction

 

+

 

image removed

 

+

 

image removed

 

= love and respect!

 

 

Seriously though, do what you feel is right. If the dates are going well, and you feel she'd be receptive to it, then maybe mail it to her house. I'd keep anything you do friendly though. Remove anything that'll come accross as pushy and keep it as sincere as possible and I think she'd be appreciative to it.

[lady00]

In a word: no.

[Hopelives]

Hat

 

+

 

Distraction

 

+

 

"removed"

 

+

 

"removed"

 

= love and respect!

 

 

Not even remotely funny. In fact when I saw it all I could think about was:

 

Dru Sjodin

 

and countless other women who are abducted, raped, and then murdered.

 

Your post made me sick.

[hurtandused]

hat

 

+

 

distraction

 

+

 

image removed

 

+

 

image removed

 

= love and respect!

 

 

seriously though, do what you feel is right. if the dates are going well, and you feel she'd be receptive to it, then maybe mail it to her house. I'd keep anything you do friendly though. Remove anything that'll come accross as pushy and keep it as sincere as possible and i think she'd be appreciative to it.

lol.........pmsl

[onemanband]

Not even remotely funny.

 

Relax hun, it's clearly a joke. Sorry if I offended you.

 

But maybe some humor in an arena where sadness is the modus operandi is a good thing. And if an obvious attempt at that, dry, dark, or even plain bad, conjures memories of instances like that, I’d frankly suggest therapy. Living in trepidation isn’t fun.

[Wandering_Sword]

Hat

 

+

 

Distraction

 

+

 

image removed

 

+

 

image removed

 

= love and respect!

 

 

Seriously though, do what you feel is right. If the dates are going well, and you feel she'd be receptive to it, then maybe mail it to her house. I'd keep anything you do friendly though. Remove anything that'll come accross as pushy and keep it as sincere as possible and I think she'd be appreciative to it.

 

I think kevin456 needs this to stop him from trying to give his EX the hats

[kevin456]

Does it being the holiday season have any affect on the situation? It's the season of giving! Certainly if one was to give a gift to an ex, it would be during this time of year.

[brent642]

i learned this the hard way...

 

 

gifts do NOT fix things long-term.

 

gifts MAY fix things short-term.

 

I used to buy my ex TONS of sht...I even spent $100 for her birthday a month before she dumped me...and we were long-term(2.5 yrs)...

 

...my point is buying things won't attract her back to you to keep her back with you. maybe buying something once may keep her interest a bit longer but to actually make it work I think you have to sexually reattract them...when the sex dies down...i truly believe the relationship is over.

[Hopelives]

Actually, that you think tying a woman up in duct tape, and dumping her in a trunk is NOT remotely funny, but is seriously ill on your part.

 

That you cannot acknowledge that is was probably a tad tasteless in light of how many women go missing and are raped/murdered each year, disgusts me.

 

I don't live my life in any sort of fear or trepidation. BUT I did go looking for a woman who was eventually found brutally murdered...

 

She'd been duct taped at the mall where she worked, thrown in the car trunk, repeatedly stabbed, and as she frantically tried to get a cell phone call out of the dark trunk, in the end of November, she died. They found the remains of her body in a ditch, with duct tape, her bones showing the brutality of what happened to her in the trunk of that car.

 

He thought it funny too.

 

He now sits, appropriately, on death row.

 

You and your twisted humor ...

[kevin456]

So I decided I'm going to give my ex the book (she's not actually into hats).

 

After our meet-up, which will go very well, I am going to surprise her by handing her the gift before I drop her off at her house. I will insist that she waits until Christmas morning to open it. I will make her promise not to open it until Christmas.

 

By doing this, I will create mystery about the gift, build anticipation around it, keep me on her mind, and associate the good feelings of Christmas morning with the gift.

 

This plan cannot fail.

[gracerules2008]

I think gift giving is a good starting point to take after getting dumped if a major reason she dumped you was because you never bought her gifts during the relationship. Basically if you got dumped because she felt neglected (being stingy is one example) then buy her flowers for starters.

 

Another reason for buying your ex gifts is to help set up closure for yourself. If you are emotionally prepared for the rejection then go for broke and buy her flowers or the hat. What do you have to lose at this point? you're already broken up.

 

If she dumped you because she wanted an engagement ring then go buy that engagement ring and show up at her doorstep, get down on your knees and propose. If she says no then you have all the closure you need to move on.

 

You can't really move on until you are convinced that you've tried everything. Listen to your heart. You don't want to go the rest of your life wondering "well what if I had done this or done that?" you won't know until you take risks.

[lady00]

Kevin,

 

I really doubt gift giving is going to help get someone back if she does not want to be back with you. Sorry, but I think you're in for a big disappointment. Good luck to you though.

[gracerules2008]

You gotta understand how women think. They want gifts from men they like. They don't want gifts from men they dumped.

 

 

I wish it was the other way around with women but I guess gift giving is the price I have to pay when a woman likes me. I don't like to buy gifts. I'd rather that they not want gifts from men they like and take the gifts from men they don't like.

[Bronze Babe]

I don't know about this. You guys are acting like this is flowers or candies or something, you know? He wants to get her something that has a sentimental meaning. I think she will love it, but I think it will also make her feel nothing as far as being with you again. Let it be a gift because you want to give it to her, not because you want to change her heart.