Dubi Doo Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Well, to try and make a short story out of this will be hard, but I will attempt to. Pretty much, me and my girlfriend have been having a few problems, but nothing too serious(You can read about it in other threads). She said she needed time and space, and I gave her that, she then came back and told me that shes very independent, and that she will do this every once in a while for alone time, but it has nothing to do with me. I have no problem with it, but she is always hanging out with one of her guy friends. Friday night I couldn't hang out with her because she was going to the movies with him. Last night we had sex, and it was awesome make up sex. We also told eachother we loved eachother, cuddled the whole night, but she told me she might hang out with this guy again last night. He got home late, so she just cuddled with me instead. She then got his text at 12:30 saying " Im sorry, I just got out of work. It's probably a little late to hang out.". She responded with " Yea, unless you can pick me up, which I doubt you can". Right in front of me! As I was leaving her house! She voiced her concerns, and it seems like he never has time to hangout, and he's also a marine, and will be going to Afghanistan for a year next Jan., and she said she just wants to hang out with him a lot before he leaves. I dont know. I just feel like I get left in the dust a lot. Would you be concerned if she was doing this? I am going to talk about it with her today. Just voice my concerns about it. The only reason why I haven't before is because she hangs out with a lot of guy friends, and has told me that he is to her, what my best friend is to me. I just wish he was a girl "friend", then I wouldn't be so worried... Link to comment
vmrhine18 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I think it's a huge red flag that she hangs out with him all the time. From your post it sounds like she doesn't respect you at all. This relationship seems toxic and you might only be hurting yourself if you try to make it work. Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 I think it's a huge red flag that she hangs out with him all the time. From your post it sounds like she doesn't respect you at all. This relationship seems toxic and you might only be hurting yourself if you try to make it work. It's not all the time. It's may be 1-2 a week, but that's all I can see her also. He never has time to see her, so when he does she jumps all over the oppertunity, but I will voice my concern about it today, and we will see what happens. I love her so much, but I dont think she understands what she is doing to my feelings...=/ Link to comment
DN Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 It's one thing to hang out with him but not to dump you and run to him at his convenience. I would not tolerate that even if this were a female friend that she had. I think she is using you and would move on in your place. Link to comment
KG Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 ^^^Agreed! She should be taking your feelings into consideration, which it sounds like she doesn't. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Hate to say this, but sounds like she has a crush on him. So the question becomes, are you willing to settle for being someone's consolation prize? You can't 'talk' someone out of wanting someone else--it never works and only makes you look weak. I'd be very kind and firm, "I understand you want to spend time with Wally before he leaves, and I think you should go do that without trying to see me too. I'd like to spend some time on my own without competing with Wally for your attention, and so I think we shouldn't see one another for at least the next month. You can give me a ring if you want to in January, and if I'm still available, maybe we can get together." In your corner. Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 I told her about how I was feeling, but I did it so bad. I just said "you and -name- are just friends, right?". And she was like "thats what was bothering you?". Then looked at me like I was crazy. I really think she looks at him like a brother, but I can't say Im not a tad worried. I'll keep pushing the issue. Link to comment
DN Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Hate to say this, but sounds like she has a crush on him. So the question becomes, are you willing to settle for being someone's consolation prize? You can't 'talk' someone out of wanting someone else--it never works and only makes you look weak. I'd be very kind and firm, "I understand you want to spend time with Wally before he leaves, and I think you should go do that without trying to see me too. I'd like to spend some time on my own without competing with Wally for your attention, and so I think we shouldn't see one another for at least the next month. You can give me a ring if you want to in January, and if I'm still available, maybe we can get together." In your corner.I think this is an excellent suggestion. Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Hate to say this, but sounds like she has a crush on him. So the question becomes, are you willing to settle for being someone's consolation prize? You can't 'talk' someone out of wanting someone else--it never works and only makes you look weak. I'd be very kind and firm, "I understand you want to spend time with Wally before he leaves, and I think you should go do that without trying to see me too. I'd like to spend some time on my own without competing with Wally for your attention, and so I think we shouldn't see one another for at least the next month. You can give me a ring if you want to in January, and if I'm still available, maybe we can get together." In your corner. I just cant push myself to do that. I love her too much. Im just slowly going to push the issue on her, and hope she listens. To be honest, I haven't really voice a concern until tonight, and I did that horribly. Im going to let her know how I feel. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I just cant push myself to do that. I love her too much. Im just slowly going to push the issue on her, and hope she listens. To be honest, I haven't really voice a concern until tonight, and I did that horribly. Im going to let her know how I feel. I think you should follow that advice. She knows what she is doing is wrong and disrespectful however she will continue doing it because she knows you wil never leave her. I know you love her but take a step back and look at what she is doing. She wants a friend to pick her up at 12:30 at night, I only pick booty calls up at that time. If it was me I would cut her loose and not look back. Link to comment
Zeitgeist Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I just cant push myself to do that. I love her too much. Im just slowly going to push the issue on her, and hope she listens. To be honest, I haven't really voice a concern until tonight, and I did that horribly. Im going to let her know how I feel. catfeeder's suggestion is an excellent one. It basically boils down to taking a stance. You don't need to be a jerk about it or make any ultimatums. But you do need to create boundaries. She's trampling all over you, meaning she doesn't respect you. By not setting boundaries, you're not respecting yourself - so how can she? And if she doesn't respect you, her feelings for you will slowly drain away until she's totally turned off by you. If you can't do what catfeeder suggested, or something similar to that, your relationship is already doomed - you just don't know it yet. Link to comment
theartofruin Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I think you should follow that advice. She knows what she is doing is wrong and disrespectful however she will continue doing it because she knows you wil never leave her. I know you love her but take a step back and look at what she is doing. She wants a friend to pick her up at 12:30 at night, I only pick booty calls up at that time. If it was me I would cut her loose and not look back. Exactly. I can't imagine me ever going out at night to see anyone except a girlfriend or girl I wanted to hook up with. And if I was asking a female friend to meet up late at night because that's the only time, they'd freak out (and their boyfriend's would be mad too). We all like our friends, and we all have some closer than others, but I don't buy her reasons for wanting to spend so much time with him. Link to comment
Dubi Doo Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 I just want to follow up with this and say I was a freaking retard to keep going through with this. For all of the people going through a similar situation in which their SO is hanging out with someone of the opposite sex a lot, get out of the situation fast! This girl was such a waste of time, and now she is trying to contact me! Learn from my stupidity...don't stick around with someone if they don't want to be around you. I feel like such a pansy for being so "understanding" of her situation, and letting her walk all over me. I am actually ashamed of myself. I will never put my self in that position again. P.S. Everyone can read some of my thread prior to this and see how "In love" I was with her. I thought I wouldn't be able to move on with out her, well, it's been a few months since we broke up and I am extremely happy we did. No more pain, no more wondering what she is doing, and no more pain...oh, I already said that. We went on and off, but now that I know we are finished I am looking forward to meeting a beautiful girl who can treat me better, and I know that will drive her crazy, but I don't care! I guess what I am trying to say is "Free at last, Free at last, oh thank the lord, I am free at last!" Link to comment
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