Miserable, Confused, and In a Rut

[LLammas]

I really need advice as I'm at a complete loss as to what to do with myself.

 

I've been in and out of relationships with men that have damaged me physically and emotionally since I was 13 years old, and I've allowed them to all but rule my life. I've been trying to do better; my last abusive relationship ended two years ago and I've stayed single in that time, but I'm still not happy.

 

I'm 26 and still in college. I've been doing poorly for the last two semesters for no reason other than I've had no motivation, and I've been irresponsible and flippant about it. I honestly want to graduate, and I've been in and out of university since I was 20 (the last boyfriend kept me from doing much there in the four years we were together), but I can't seem to get it together to do it. More often than not, I feel like I'm watching some third party waste my life while I'm trying to gain control. I don't know how to explain it, but maybe there's someone else out there who's had that same sense of being a bystander in their own life.

 

To top this off, I moved back in with my parents when the last relationship ended. My job ended earlier in the month and I've been unable to find employment that will allow me to move out on my own. I've spent the last two years watching all my friends and peers flourish by getting married and starting adult careers while I just sort of...sit here. I don't know what to do, but I feel like I just want to give up.

 

How do I change this? More importantly, how do I find the will to change this and keep on a positive track? Any advice?

[waveseer]

Do you drink or use other drugs?

[LLammas]

I drink on occasion (once every week or two, and always with friends), but I don't use any drugs. Lately I've been wondering if I should be taking something in the way of an antidepressant, but I haven't tried anything.

[waveseer]

Do you think you might be addicted to relationships?

[LLammas]

The concept of relationship addiction is a new one to me, but I suppose it seems as likely as legitimate depression. Still, I've been single for two years, so I thought I'd been making strides on that front. I'm having problems in pretty much every aspect of my life.

[waveseer]

Relationship addiction is legitimate and can be used as "self-medication" for depression. I know depression and it can bring every positive thing I am doing to a grinding halt. I saw my doctor, was given antidepressants and referred to a counselor.

[Imprecision]

You need to finish college.

 

Realise:

 

1. Many people don't start college until their late twenties. So you're in good company.

2. It's hard to feel confident when you have nothing to show for your age.

 

Two years might seem a long time, but it shoots by faster than a bullet. First, take out your course-calendar. Then, determine the quickest way to graduate. When you're done that, take some time to imagine yourself done with school forever at the end of two years.

 

(Maybe you don't even need two years.)

[LLammas]

ready2heal- That's an interesting idea, and I think you may have touched on something. I wish I could see a therapist and discuss it with him/her, but unfortunately I'm without funds or insurance as a means of financing therapy.

 

Imprecision- I never said that I had nothing to show for my age, only that I was unhappy and unsure of how to change things. If I manage to snap out of it and get decent grades for this semester, I'm looking at another year before I graduate university and start looking at my options beyond that...but none of that changes the fact that I'm unhappy. A university education is neither an answer to all of life's problems or a miracle worker that will bless you with a high-paying job and happy life. Really, it's just a piece of paper that says you were in school for four years beyond high school.

[waveseer]

You may not like the idea very much, but in your situation I would borrow the money to see a doctor even from my parents if necessary. Living with untreated depression (if that's what you have) is very difficult. Do yourself a favor, you might be very glad you did. If it turns out you don't have depression then you don't have to worry about it any more.

[Imprecision]

A university education is neither an answer to all of life's problems or a miracle worker that will bless you with a high-paying job and happy life. Really, it's just a piece of paper that says you were in school for four years beyond high school.

 

Yes, I agree - higher education is a big, government-subsidised scam. However, it's hard to be happy when you're stagnating. If you can work on a goal - even an ultimately-meaningless goal - you will be much happier.

 

Multum non multa - much not many. When you can simplify your desires and focus your life, then good things start happening to you.

 

You may disagree, of course. Just my experience.

[itsallgrand]

It may feel like so much is going downhill for you right now, but it may just be a huge turning point in your life for discovering how capable you are.

 

For everything you have described as a set-back, there is a positive side to it.

 

Yes, you lost your job. You lost a bf. You had to make the difficult decision of moving back in with your parents.

 

On the positive side: you have the opportunity now to work hard at school and get that finished up. You have the opportunity to get all your ducks in a row, to plan for when you are done with school, to deal with the issues that have been such a thorn in your side up until now, to come up with a financial plan too and save some money if you can even find some work on the side for now.

You get to focus on you!

 

Is it possible, you are scared? That you aren't in a rut at all - you are exactly where you need to be in order to do what you need to do now - but you are holding yourself back (even if it is unconsciously) because you are scared of what lies ahead?

 

Have you gotten any therapy in all this time? That is one idea. Deal with those nagging issues.

 

For practical sake, a good check through with your doctor would be good too. He/she can screen you through for depression as well as the regular stuff that may have you feeling blah/fatigued/unmotivated. Things like a blood test to see how you are doing on the nutrition front.

 

Maybe what you are missing is as simple as a clear vision of where you are going and the belief that you can get there.

 

You have a bright future ahead of you. Please don't torture yourself comparing yourself to friends and others - that is pointless and not fair. You have your own road you are on.

 

Please don't give up now. It may seem to you that things are grim, but this is a sunrise for you, the start of a whole new life if you so choose. It's always darkest before the dawn!

[cruzer]

I think that if u can somehow motivate yourself to finish college, get a great job, then you will be happy.

 

You will be happy that u finished college, that u have a great job, that your out on your own again. You will be happy by yourself, so when u meet someone, you can be happy together. After you have finished college and have a great job, your life will have a great start and great security, so from this point on you can only be sad that u dont have someone to share it with.

 

This may not be what u wanted to hear, but i wish i had a great job, job security, and made enough money to be out on my own and happy with my life(my career, my income). Then i could focus on finding someone to share it with...

[justignoreme]

I have zero motivation to do *anything* when I'm single.

 

literally. I cant even play video games anymore. I'm completely unmotivated when I don't have anyone.

 

 

Ohio, eh? I'm from Michigan! lmao.. just kidding!

[LLammas]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, guys.

 

My problem is primarily that I feel zero motivation to do anything, and my school work is severely suffering. I don't know. I'm trying out St. John's Wort (which supposedly acts as an MAO inhibitor, just like anti-depressants) for now with the hopes that I'll stop feeling subhuman and start getting actively involved in my own life. It just seems like there's no way for me to be happy, and I honestly can't think of a career-with or without the degree- that I'd truly be happy doing (at least one that's realistic).

 

itsallgrand- I am scared. Terrified, actually. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I guess that's common at some point, right? Also, weird question, but is the "following my grace..." listed as your location a reference to angels/Supernatural? Just curious.

 

justignoreme- Michigan, eh? I kid, I kid.

[justignoreme]

South Michigan!

 

anyway, seems people are having these "mid-life crisis" type things much earlier in life. eh. so then how many more will we have? O_O

[LLammas]

Uh-oh, I'm in Northern Ohio!

 

I see your point about the crisis thing. I've heard it referred to as the "quarter-life crisis" in the past. Aparrently it's not that uncommon for twenty-somethings to freak out and do brash things in a "I don't know what to do with my life" panic.

[justignoreme]

the only thing that ever helped me with those "what am I gunna do with my life" fears is getting plastered. heh...

 

I'm beginning to just say screw it all, take life as it comes, and stop worrying so much about the future. just live..

 

heh, I'll let you know how that works out in about 10 years...