NC with family members?

[floaterg]

my older brother married at 18, and no one on our side of the family gets along with his wife. we feel she's controlling and just plain crazy. a lot of drama has stemmed from us making it obvious that we don't like her. this has driven my brother to cease speaking with any of us. he moved out of state for a few years, but is back now. a family friend told us they saw him at work (he works with the public). my mother went there to see him, and she spoke with him to catch up on things (it's been like 6-7 years). he told her something like, 'i'm sorry this is how it has to be'.

i feel bad about some things i said to him in the past, but i'm also trying to think about what's best....and i don't know if i should try to talk to him, or just leave him alone...

[waveseer]

If you know his address you could send him a letter. I doubt you could make anything worse relation-wise.

[floaterg]

i don't know where he lives, just where he works...and even though my mother did it, i don't know if it would be appropriate to 'catch up' at his place of work

[waveseer]

You could send the letter to his work, unless you think that's also too intrusive.

[Katiebaby]

Yeah maybe a letter to his work - unless ur mother managed to get his address? I'm sorry for your situation, it sounds very hard... All the best

[anya1607307555]

I would definitely get in touch. a lot of growing/changing can be done in 6-7years. your mother putting forward her side is, well, her perspective, and your brother has his reasons for the decisions he makes regarding her. you are not your mother, whatever happens I'm sure he would appreciate your personal take on the relationship/past.

 

if it were me, I would initiate contact through his work, expressing a wish to meet up on neutral ground. then you are free to explain/question/whatever you hope to gain from a meeting, face to face. good luck, I hope it goes well.

[littlestar]

Please try to make contact with him. There may come a day you regret for not being in contact with him. The worse that can happen is he wont want to speak to you.

[Cloudyday]

You should definitely try to reach out to him. Despite everything that's happened, he's still family. It doesn't have to be very long since you haven't spoken in years. Just a short visit where you can mention that you feel bad about what has happened and how you want things to change. The ball will be in his court as to how he wants to proceed. You should make the effort but remember that you can't force people to do anything they don't want. All you can do is put your best effort into it and keep persevering. Good luck!