No contact = Torture test

[Gaz]

Does anyone have any good ways of stopping yourself from inadvertantly contacting your ex? I feel like emailing her everyday but I know I can`t!

[EclipseXkim621]

You know what? I'm going through the same exact thing..! N knowing that im not alone on this makes it a little bit easier...yesterday morning we finally said we would leave it at goodbye and lose total contact, u can view my story if u want....but there is NO easy way not to call, text message or email them...its so hard, its been almost 2 days and i just want to pick up the phone!! i guess what the best idea (what i have been trying) is to think about it like this... by not calling you are not showing weakness atleast. As much as it might hurt and u just want to have one piece of contact...there is a reason for all this...and if fates with us...we will get thru it....pain is weakness leaving the body**** so we can mentor each other lol...and stay strong ok!! Im hoping that if i just leave it alone, he will realize what hes missing...they cant miss us if we never give them a chance to...stay strong!! just cry as much as you need to and dont allow urself to have contact...im sure she/he knows ur # or email...be as strong as him\her...Keep me posted and my email is email removed!

[metalgurlie]

I am going thro the exact thing right now too, anyone can pm me and we can talk , hang in there together

[getstrong]

Day 8 No Contact.

Hello all, I'm going through the same thing too. And tonight I just got home from the bar and I'm a little buzzed and wanting to call but I haven't! No contact is the best advice!

[friendly advice]

I have to agree, no contact!! I know there are times when it is very difficult, but it is best for your own sake. All calling does is bring back all your feelings good or bad, which takes you back to the state you were just in. You need time to think what you really want in your life, obviously it wasn't the ex.

[luckystar]

day 44 of no contact for me.....she emailed me on day 28...but none initiated by me.....I am still dying inside at times.....other times I am doing better......it is one BIG roller coaster ride that you have to brace yourself for......it isnt easy.....

[StephenM]

Just wanted to say to everyone who has no contacts in effect, great job! I'm on month 8 of no contact and the first two months are the worst. It gets better trust me, and eventually you will find someone else out there.

[February]

Augghhh, no contact I know will make us stronger and help us move on faster, but it is so DAMN hard. I am on day 8 of no contact. We have been broken up for 12 days and I made contact on the 4th day-had to (long story). And he said then he would call me that weekend. He never did, but he then did call on Monday (day 4 of no contact since my first call). He said he would "call me later" b/c I had to go (ya know got off the phone first) and still haven;t heard from him. DAY 8. But I really believe that if the relationship was meaningful to both parties they will eventually contact you. Of course depending on the situation, but in mine and I think most of ours, they do not contact us for awhile b/c they are afraid of how we will react. They keep themselves distracted and grip the fact that it is over, as we must. But then eventually for them when the hurt of not talking to us does not go away, they will get in contact. Usually it is when we feel better and have moved on. But I think you have to believe that the best thing for you is NOT to call or anything. For me, I know that I can't b/c the thought of it physically effects me, I get shaky, my heart starts pumping, etc. I do not want him to have that effect on me anymore, so I know that I can't talk to him. Of course it will piss you off, b/c you think-what, they don't miss me as much as I miss them? They don't feel this void too? I know from everything I read here, it does get easier. And at some point for me, 3 months is my date, if I don't hear from him I will contact him. By then I am sure I will be fine and can talk w/o getting physically effected. Good Luck to you all. Together WE CAN DO IT!!!!

[lisaria]

Gaz, don't do it. Don't contact her. I wish I had found this place a month ago when my ex and I split up. Maybe I would not have contacted him all those times and have to start over and over and over again when he ignored me or sent short, hurtful emails. I would see his name on my inbox and my heart would pound and my stomach would clench up and then it would be nothing but a "sorry i led you on. i forgive you." He forgives me for emailing his "friend" he was making plans to meet. This was right after we made love and I found out about her. Or else there would be no answer and that would be worse somehow. Anyway. I just think that the no contact rule is for our protection. I hope you listen to all these wise people. They know what they are talking about. No contact. Good luck to you.

[Rainy]

Im on day 6 of no contact, if i had did the backing off along time ago im sure id still be with him today,

 

He was scared incase he got hurt again as his previous g/friend cheated on him, but i bombarded him with texts tbhinking it would show how much i cared, all i did was push him away and screw his head up even more,

 

we split last sunday and i havent contacted him, its been a real struggle and i no that this is only the beginning, one thing i know is that he does care for me, but just cant be in a relationship yet,

 

i wish i had found this site a month ago, but its thanks to this site that is making me strong and not contacting him!!

 

 

My message is to people not to contact, it really is the best way!!

[Stingseed]

I have posted on other boards about my problem. But my only question is I am using no-contact to get her back to make her realize what she is losing. Will this work?

[Rainy]

Stingseed, i am using the no contact rule to try and win back my ex, iv done it before and he contacted me within a week, its been 6 days this time and so far he hasnt contacted me and i havent contacted him yet, i think its the only way to go

 

Good luck!

[lealeapopo]

Boy! After the abrupt, unexpected cessation of my one year "romance", I made an idiot outta myself. He ended it. Abruptly. In a mean manner.... and has refused any contact at all. I called, I pleaded, I emailed, in short I made a complete fool outta myself. It is still a struggle. I check my email with the anticipation of hearing some little something from him. The best helpers are friends, distractions such as exercise, shopping, reading, work. Go out. Make yourself busy. "fake it til you make it". Plod along, and hope it will pass. It is a compulsion. Resist it. Be strong. I am determined to grow from this. You will too... Lea

[Crushed]

Stingseed,

Read my signature it says it best. Actually you should see the movie swingers. There's reall no difference between no contact to help you move on and no contact to win her back NC = NC no matter what the reasons. Try and work on yourself and NC for at least 30 days. That's at least what I'm trying to do.

 

Crushed

[metalgurlie]

NC for 30 days wow, does it get easlier with NC even after you reach the 30 days?

[fantasia2004]

Please people don't feel bad I have done worse. I tried 4 and a half months and it was addictive. But I have to stop because I was giving my ex an incredible ego boost and then making myself weaker.

 

Do yourself a favor and move on with your life by doing other things. They will return and they will do what you did to them. Give them a chance to breathe so that they can miss you. It works trust me.

 

 

If you feel like you are going to contact them STOP and think first or else you will end up like me!!!!

 

STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!

 

WAKE UP!!

AND HEAL YOURSELF

 

TOODLES

[February]

Thanks Fantasia, your words are encouraging. I think you might be right too, not in all cases but alot, they will evetnually get in touch. I had a bf, my first love actually, we were friends for 3 years and together 2 and then distance broke us up. I was heartborken b/c he not only broke my heart but I also lost his friendship. It took me awhile to get over that he had been the closest person to me ever, but then 3 yrs later he got in touch with me. He said all the things i wanted to hear years ago, and when he did, I didn't care anymore b/c I was SO over it and him. And now he gets in touch with me all the time. He says I was one of the best, most sweetest friends he has ever had. I am over it so I am friendly to him, but make no real effort, it is all him. Isn't life funny? Ya see we all have to realize that as much as we cared and the relationship meant something to us it did to them too. But now I realize that someone who could turn around and shut me out b/c they were scared or didn;t feel they wanted to put the effort in anymore at the time, is not someone that I ever will really get the chance to be close to special ol' me again!!!

 

Ya'll, they had there chances and they blew it!!! Their loss.

[zretila]

Everybody suggested no contact rule as a way to heal or to get the ex back. However, what would happen if both sides follow the rule without surrender? what would happen then? It 's really a very good rule, but it could be risky strategy too if you really want your ex back again. Still, it's the best thing to do to discover yourself and to evaluate rationally the value of your relationship with your ex.

[kungfumaster]

I AM ON 3.5 MONTHS OF NO CONTACT - yeaaaay!

 

Fantasia!! I'm so glad you are starting to think of yourself more these days! Keep strong! Your doing fantastic!

 

February, thanks for that story - and yes!- Never take them back. If they have any doubts and decide to leave because they don't want to put in the effort, then it was never meant to be. That's what I should have done too after 2 weeks of no contact, and then she contacted me - but I decided to take her back, and then she dumps me again - NEVER AGAIN!!

 

Zretila,

 

I believe (and one of the moderators said this too - in the post "what if both have no contact" - or something like that) that no contact rule only applies to the dumpee, i.e., the one who got dumped. The no contact rule doesn't apply to the dumper, i.e., the one who decides to leave the relationship. The no contact rule is ONLY for the dumpee - and 1) gives his/her time to heal after their partner drops the bomb on them, and 2) gives their partner time to miss them and possibly want to get back together with them. I think either way, you come out ahead because in case 1), you probably feel like a ten ton truck has just run over you, and so need that "no contact" time to pull yourself together and in case 2) if they do miss you, and feel they've made a wrong decision, then when they come back - YOU CAN LAUGH AT THEM!! But seriously, no, its up to you. I personally, from now on, will not take anyone back who has dumped me - as February said - they had their chance - and they blew it!

 

Hi yaaaaah!

[fantasia2004]

Oh my God this is soooo funny of you!

 

 

Thanks kungfumaster you really know how to cheer people up!

 

I love it! Keep up with the enthusiasm it is making me feel really good right now!

 

Encouraging indeed.

 

To everyone else, don't give up hope. You make a mistake it's okay just dust yourself off and do the "No Contact Rule" again.

 

Ask yourself if you really want your ex back is it worth it?