getstrong

I, to this day do not know how I stumbled upon this site, I just did, it was weird actually. I was having a little trouble with a broken heart so I decided to post something on it. I did and the response I got was great therapy for me, it helped me through alot. I also like to give advice to others if I can. This site has certainly helped! Good luck to everyone!

Caliboy, NO you do not have to live with that. I myself was in a situation similiar to yours. My bf would act great when it was just the 2 of us but when we'd get around his friends I was barely acknowledged. It made me wonder what he was telling his friends about me while I wasn't around. It eventually ate me up inside and problems were created between us from there. I got insecure and needy and I didn't like the person I had become. Finally he broke off the relationship saying I was too insecure for him. In the long run, I was glad I didn't end up with him because it was not the way I would want to feel around him and his friends for the rest of my life. Good luck, I wouldn't stand for that now and that is the best advice I can give.

At this point, I have no advice for either of us Lizzie. I know that after he left I did feel excited and scared at the same time. But it seems like a never-ending cycle of the same thing over and over and over again. The kiss.....what was that? If he was truly happy with his gf then he wouldn't do these things which only makes me feel like there IS a glimmer of hope for me and him to make it. I know if I was happy in a relationship I wouldn't be going around kissing other people. But I know after that happened I kinda expected a phone call or another stop by....but nothing once again. I don't know why I wanted him to contact me after that but I do know that I just did. Isn't it me who said no contact is the best thing? Reassure me. The only things that have helped me come this far is me, my best friend, this msg board and you...having the same problem as me so I feel not so alone (although I'm sorry this is happening to you also). You're right, we must be twins! How are you doing? Any contact for you? Any new news? Keep me posted on your progress before you leave!

Ok so Lizzie or whoever is viewing this now, He came by today and I answered the door! My car was in the driveway though so I felt silly not answering it. Plus I did want to see him. I told him I was glad to hear that he was doing good, he said he wasn't though. Then when said that he was glad to hear that i was doing good and I said thanks. I was distant but nice. He gave some excuse to get close to me and he did the unthinkable, he leaned over and stole a kiss. I acted like yuck and real annoyed that he did that but of course I wasn't. Is he honestly seeing her still? How can he be happy with his gf when he acts like this with me? I still have not initiated any contact whatsoever.

I agree with the rest. Call if off, don't let her come over. She most likely is trying to be free from some of the guilt. Since you told her that you still have feelings for her no sense in saying that you have plans that came up for tonight. Tell her the truth that you cannot be friends with someone you are in love with right now. Then start doing no contact, you will heal in time. If you see her as friends, you will be putting yourself back at square one and eventually will have to start all over again. Trust me I did it for months. I kept thinking that if I maintained a relationship as friends as he wanted, he would eventually see the light....that lasted for 6 months. I even tried different strategies like saying I was getting over him finally (i wasn't) and even told him I was seeing someone else (he was jealous but that didn't work either). If it helps think of the No Contact rule as a new strategy. It'll help, it has helped me. It's still tough but its only been 12 days for me and I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger with each day that passes. Good luck to you!

Lizzie, I had a hard day today too and I'm not sure why. I seemed to walk around in a daze like fog all day. I really miss him too. This is so unlike mine too, we, since we've met, haven't gone more than a week without speaking to each other. Usually when we did see each other after that, we were rushing back into each others arms. I usually see him occasionally, he has friends in my neighborhood and I always end up running into him one way or another. But nothing now. I'm starting to feel like he forgot about me but then I have to tell myself I highly doubt it. Please don't do the friends thing with him.....you know you want more than that from him. What happens when you go back to being friends with him? Are you putting yourself in the same situation all over again? We are both doing so good but 11 days with no contact isn't long enough to make them realize how much they miss us and may have made a mistake. It's going to take some more time. Go away on your 2 wk thing and think things through before you make any rush decisions. You say you have unavoidable contact with him in April? Then so be it because you are not initiating contact. Very possible you'll be over it by then or also very possible he'll realize when he sees you that he misses you. Not sure which way it will go, we'll have to wait it out and see. Pls remember I am the new girl and mine went back to his ex. I know you are the ex and he is with the new girl. So take it from my situation, they DO go back (he went back to her after 5 months apart). He went back because she was distant and never tried to contact him. She basically went on with her life until she found out about us and wanted him back. I know V-day is coming, I've thought about it too but its only 1 day long. Hang in there though and give it some more time.

Luckystar, I agree no contact = fighting to get them back. For 6months I tried different strategies on making him realize I was the one, for example: acting like I was dating someone so he'd get jealous (he would), or even going as far as telling him I was over him (which I wasn't but he said he was broken hearted about). Each seemed like a good strategy but obviously I didn't succeed in bringing him back to me. My lastest strategy was when I sat him down and told him how I felt about him and that he was hurting me by still seeing me along with his girlfriend at the same time. He said he agreed that I he knew I was hurting but was having a hard time not seeing me because he had feelings for me also. He said he would quit contacting me though and me him. It's been 11 days today. And you're right it is hard. I hope you're feeling better today than on other days. I felt like you on your day 12 and 36 today, I almost gave in but didn't and WON'T! Hang in there, hopefully by the time we realize it, we're over these people who don't seem to know what a good thing they're missing! Lizzie, Has he contacted you again since Friday? Did you end up talking to him? I'm hoping you stayed as strong as we can all be at these times. I agree I will not play 2nd fiddle to anyone and I expect a full blown relationship too. What's with just wanting to be friends? When I sat him down 11 days ago and told him how I felt, I asked him if his gf knew about me. He said, "No, no one knows about you".....which made me made feel even more like dirt. So what kind of friendship is that, when no one knows about me! He knew it hurt me and wanted to kick himself as soon as he said it. I have to face the truth though.....he fought for his gf back and that doesn't leave alot of room for me. Remember we are doing the right thing with no contact. If I don't hear from you, have fun on your trip and I hope you make it without talking to him. Yes you're right it is nice to have this little support group, its helping me get through to better times ahead!

Lizzie, Good job for not answering! You just gave yourself the upper hand I wouldn't call him back if I were you. If its important, he'll find a way to get a msg to you. Remember: Today marks our 9th day NO CONTACT! Mine hasn't called me but he said he wouldn't anymore at my request. Who knows if he will or not, by that time I'll be over it and realize I don't want to be someone's 2nd best anyway. Keep up the good work, we can make it to day 10!

Ok I just got home from the bar, a little buzzed and I still hve NOT called when i usually would have by now. Big pat on the back. Sorry my drunk butt just needed to tell of yet another accomplishment.

Day 8 No Contact. Hello all, I'm going through the same thing too. And tonight I just got home from the bar and I'm a little buzzed and wanting to call but I haven't! No contact is the best advice!

Little bird, You're absolutely right, he is getting from me what he lacks from her. She seems to blow him off alot which is probably why he is with me alot. It's so easy for me to see the right thing to do but actually going through with it is the hard part. Lizzie, I agree this site has helped me tons too! I've been going through this back and forth with him for nearly 6 months now. It's been 8 days NO CONTACT (seems like 8 yrs) for me also, and while there have been times I would have liked to break down and call him, I will NOT. I will stay strong and I hope you do the same. Since we're both on our 8 day mark, we might as well see how long we can both keep this up. By the time we realize how long its been, we'll be over it and moved on. Pls let me know of your progress.........keep up the good work and thx for your post!

Thanks for the inspirational post Teddy, I appreciate it. I am now going on my 7th day with no contact whatsoever and I will NOT be speaking with or seeing him. It's still hard but I keep telling myself time heals all wounds and I'll get through this.

It's very hard to differentiate that one. Listen to key things they say or how they sound. Are they upbeat and happy and just calling to say hi? Maybe something reminded them of you and they decided to give a harmless call. Or are they calling just to appease you. I did that to an ex of mine, I knew he was hurting and I felt bad for breaking his heart so I would just call to cheer him with no intention getting back together with him when in all reality that wasn't the right thing to do to him. He was still hanging on thinking I would come back to him when i had no intention of that. Did he or she break up with you? There's a lot depending on this situation.

Wow that was deep, little bird. It was like a double slap in the face, just what I need these days. You are right, he made a choice and it wasn't me. (Good statement, it actually inspired me) As days go by, I realize how wrong someone did me, it was just hard to realize when he was coming over and saying the things I want to hear. The only thing is I think she does the same thing to him. Like seeing other people so maybe they will work out in their own strange way. I know I don't want to be involved in that triangle anymore though. Joining this message board has been good therapy, thx for your input, I appreciate it!

Sarah can I ask how long he has been broken up this time? Has it only been a few days/weeks? How long were him and the ex back together before they broke up again? I am in a similiar situation as yours. I was dating someone and he broke up w/me to give it a go with his ex. They're currently still together but I feel she will break up with him again and he will probably be at my doorstep. I am moving on (or trying) so I'm not sure what I would do. I know that if I did accept him back, I would make him SWEAT for awhile before I totally gave in. Please consider all facts, for example: Who broke up with who?, How long have they been broken up this time?, etc. Good Luck!

Neallo, I appreciate the advice. As for being harsh that's ok, I think that's what people like me and Lizzie need to hear. I did realize what you said here although I feel he wasn't doing this just to sleep with me (half the time I was seducing him and I was even rejected alot) but maybe since you are a guy you would know better than I. Believe me I did not rule out that reason for awhile. So I could sit here and try to convince you but I won't because it could very well be true. As far as doing the No contact rule for the wrong reasons, I'm NOT doing it for the wrong reasons. I cut him off.....we're finished and I can start to get back on with my life, why would this be the wrong reason?? Pls explain. I am now on the road to feeling better about myself but it still hurts alot. I guess when you feel like you click with someone its hard to know you won't be with them. But with each day I am trying harder and harder. I do not plan on contacting him and if he does call I do not plan on answering or responding. I know I can be strong like this. I just have to keep telling myself positive things. thx. Lizzie, Be strong and you can get through this. I tried playing the friend role too and it doesn't work. They are ok with being friends with you, but we of course have feelings for them and want more. It does not get easier. You should start to apply the NO CONTACT rule as soon as possible so you can start your road to recovery. Good luck with it, find it in yourself to let go. Now go on and get on with your life, don't let it pass you by.

Ok here it is. I met this guy last summer, Alan, and we hit it off right away. I told him about my past relationship (which was long over) and he told me about his ex-girlfriend who had broken his heart. At the time we met, they had been broke up for about 3 months. After about a month of seeing each other alot, I sensed something was wrong. I asked him what was troubling him and he came clean right away and said his ex wanted to get back together and he felt that he just couldn't throw away the 2 1/2 yrs they had spent together. So they decided to give it another shot, who could blame him, I certainly couldn't. Although I was real upset, we parted ways on a nice note. But it was still hard to deal with. A new relationship yanked from me and it was still so fresh and new. Now I didn't know I was dealing with someone who played by the rules but Alan did when it came to his ex. He made her wait out getting back together. All the while, we were still seeing each other on a daily or every other day basis. He wanted to be friends with me but still seemed to care tons about me and told me he even had some serious feelings for me but he was confused. UGH! Now this has been going on for approx 5 months of seeing each other and occasionally sleeping together. Now I've started to fall in love with him, but he's now back together with her. BUT it seems as if they never spend quality time together, he is alot of the time with me and when he isn't I usually know what he's doing. He's only unaccounted for a few times a week. Plus she never is with him on key dates, for example, his bday, New Years, Xmas, etc. It seems as if she blows him off alot. I KNOW not my problem but I care about him so it makes me mad. Finally for the past 5 days I've applied the No Contact Rule with him and finally cut things off for good. I guess I'm looking for input from anyone on if they think his relationship with her will survive. And if they don't and he comes back to me, should I accept that I'm 2nd best? He really seems to care about me and is genuinely a sweetheart that I could see myself with for years to come. Anyone's thoughts? This hasn't been an easy 5 months.