Measuring your progress

[penelope13]

I initially joined and started posting on ENA because i was completely heartbroken about an ex bf for whom I continued to harbor feelings and hopes for a long time even after we had broken up.

 

Like everyone else I went through many emotional cycles of ups and down, despair, insecurity, self doubt, false hopes, etc.

 

When do you really know and can trust that you are truly feeling better, that always worried me, since I know that I tend to overthink and overanalyze.

 

But I noticed the following, that really proves to me that I have moved beyond this past relationship and that I have undergone some personal growth:

 

When I initially signed up, I chose a password that professed my undying eternal love for the above mentioned ex. Everyday I would type it in (sometimes even more than once a day), and it would give my some sense of false comfort.

 

2 month ago I felt so annoyed by that password that I change it. - You see in the meantime I had started to develop feelings for someone new, even without realizing it for a long time, so I was finally at a point to admit that my feelings for the ex were not as undying as I had them believed to be.

 

So my new password reflected my new inner state. Since the new potential guy in my life was still dating someone else at the time, my password represented something like: "i hope he will chose me rather than her".

 

Again I typed that password in every day, and again i felt comfortable with it for a certain amount of time.

 

Once more all of a sudden I got really annoyed by my own choice of password and changed it accordingly. In the past few weeks I've undergone some serious thinking and personal growth with a lot of help from friends and ENA.

 

So this is what my password now represents: " new potential guy on the horizon, are you actually good enough for me?"

 

 

 

A good day to all of you!

[waveseer]

That's very interesting and cool! I'm glad you've progressed as far as you have. I never would have thought of that since I use a password generator.

[ruffles]

Nice post! I know what you mean about measuring progress. I noticed something in myself... for a long time after breaking up I'd hear myself saying in my head, as I was falling asleep "I love you ____" And it sucked because hearing my half conscious inner voice saying that would wake me up and I'd have to relive everything all over again. But one night I realized that as I was falling asleep I was saying "goodbye _____." Every once in a while I slip and start "I love you..." but then it's easy to correct it and realize I loved what I thought we had, who I thought he was. So for now it's "goodbye.."

[lostandhurt]

Be careful of looking for someone else to make you feel better. If we look to others or some timeline of healing we are certain to get hurt or set back.

It is nice that you have been looking inward as why you do what you have done and have found more of yourself to feel good about. Being honest with ourselves and building our life helps us know that whether we are with somone or not we are are more than just okay but great. Wanting someone in our lives is way different than needing someone in our lives.....

 

lost

[penelope13]

I have to say, none of it was by design, I didn't choose to use my password as a measuring means, I only noticed it recently that there was a correlation.

 

Ruffles: I know exactly what you mean! I do the same thing when I fall asleep - only rarely does my exes name creep up, but I usually stop half way through (his name was long enough for that).