She finally called...why??

[Socalsteve]

SO after about a month of ZERO contact my ex girlfriend called. We had a bad break up after two years, and it was during the hollidays. At first i was torn up. I spent abou the first two weeks wanting answers, trying to get her back. All i came up with is speculation and drama. We lived together for about six months. However she chose to move closer to her work and in with a room mate she works with. A week later was Christmas and the end of our relationship. When i went to get my bed back and other items, i found some guys pictures from a trip he had taken as well as a silver ring placed strategically on top of her cell phone. What is this? Well whatever, i never got the answers i was looking for and realized i never would. My ex was a self absorbed, insecure control freak. SHe would manipulate any situation in order to direct attention her way to "improve" her appearance to those she worked with. Keep in mind that she works in retail clothing and dresses large plastic dolls. If i seem sarcastic it's because i am more mad at myslef than her. Simply because look at the time i am investing in her siimply by even writing this. If i learned one ting from this and can pass it on, become a SECURE independent individual before you get involved in an intense relationship. Now to my question to all, after a month of no contact, i mean zero, she fianlly called me on Friday (today is Tuesday). I hung up when i heard her voice she then called back. I asked what is it she needed? She said she found some more items and wanted to "bring them by" this weekend. Maybe i am a shmuck once by letting her bother me for two weeks, but not again. I said so after one month, never explaining to me why we broke up, and you change your number you expect me to believe you "found" some things that you want to just "drop off"??? It was like an old hat and cds!!! She still had MAD anger in her voice and i made sure to let her know that if i got over it after what she did, maybe its time for her to move on as well. That did it. BOOM! After her ranting, i said you know what i wish you would have thrown the stuff out and never called me. She then hung up? What do you thin guys?? Did i do the right thing or should i have taken the open invite and subjected myself to what seems like another chance to blow life into this relationship that i am finally gettin gover? I have to admit that it did upset me having to hear from her. My gut says i did the right thing but that stupid heart of mine is trying to doubt. Wow, where do i go from here? Anyone know what she might be thinking? SOrry for the long text, just needed some advice, i went this long and do not want to screw up now.

[disEnchantid]

hi socalsteve

 

I think you definitely did the right thing, especially if she was abrasive when she called you. Why subject to yourself to that? It is entirely unnecessary. You are right, cds and hats can be easily replaced and the money spent to do so is worth it if it means saving you having to see or talk to her. She is not looking out for your feelings here, and so you need to look out for them yourself. Continue to avoid contact with her, even though it is very difficult and painful, any interaction with her will just be worse.

 

good luck

 

dE

[sidehop]

Hey Steve...

 

Another girl (I forgot the thread but it was recent) experienced the same thing just recently after three months of no contact.

 

Honestly you did the right thing...why would you go back to her when she obviously didn't make you happy? It sounds like she's testing waters and in many ways she misses you. No wonder why she got upset when you hung up. That's her fault. I know everyone will say you did the right thing by not calling her seeing her. Great job on that one.

[Beec]

It seems from your post that you are not over it. You appear to have been acting somewhat hostile to her by saying:

 

"so after one month, never explaining to me why we broke up, and you change your number you expect me to believe you 'found' some things that you want to just 'drop off'???"; and

 

"After her ranting, i said you know what i wish you would have thrown the stuff out and never called me."

 

So ask yourself if you are really over it or if you have moved on to another stage in "getting over" her. Possible break up stages include:

bewilderment that it has happened; feelings of rejection; feelings of unfair treatment; grief over the break up; anger that the break up might have been avoided; hope that the relationship might be restored; attempts to restore it; coming to terms with the break up; and getting on with life. Also, there is a point where one should be able to forgive the others transgressions or at least not care about them one way or another, so that if you saw the other person from the relationship you could do so with little hostile or "want to get it back" emotion. This final stage may take years, as it did for me in one case, although I moved one long before I was "over" it.

 

If you are really over it, why do you care why it happened, etc.

 

Why was she calling? No idea as one cannot get into her head, but it could be just to return stuff, it could be to apologize or ask for some forgiveness, or it could be to get you back, or whatever. It seems as if the one thing is clear is that she was not calling you up to be nasty, or at least there was no plan for her to be that way.

 

If you are really over her, call her up, get your stuff, and apologize for being hostile, and ask her not to contact you for a while. There's no reason to lose your stuff. Maybe, she will offer you an explanation or apology.

[Boromir]

I'm proud of you man! Good show. Sure you might still be dealing with some issues, that is fine. Hell, you dated her for two years, lived together, and she broke it off and is probably with another guy right now. I don't think she was really interested in your hat and CDs. She was using them to get something from you and you didn't give it to her.

 

Awesome.

 

I wish I had done that. Yesterday was my exes Birthday and I thought about emailing her just to say Happy Birthday, but I haven't heard from her since Thanksgiving and that really bothered me for awhile. So I didn't call her. She doesn't want me in her life then she doesn't deserve me calling. I found a few things of hers and do you know what I did? I just threw them out. That felt really good.

 

A year from now you will look back on this and be proud of how you handled it. She doesn't deserve anything else.

[Socalsteve]

Thanks for the replys they are all very encouraging. The way i am handeling this breakup may not be the best but when it first happened i felt so weak. To the point that i didn't recognize myself. I didn't like that someone had so much control over me, and to make things worse seemed as if they enjoyed it. Bottom line is even if she wanted to be friends i wouldn't do it. Not only for myself, but i would completely lose the respect of friends,family, and co-workers that were there for me during the hollidays and know the crap she put me through. With so many women in the world i would rather move on and keep my dignity then to crawl back and admit defeat to someone who only wants to "win". I will never again allow myself to be weak. Even if she wanted me back, i feel like she made her bed (with whomever) now she (they) can lay in it. To say i feel nothing is foolish, i loved this person at some point so anger is a natural emotion in removing my emotional attachment from this person. Hope to hear back from all of you soon. Thanks.

[jclaam]

Hey SocalSteve,

 

I just want to tell you way go in being strong and stand up for yourself. I think you did the right thing. Like you said after a month of no contact. She all sudden calls you up and tell you that she has some of your stuff. I think a lot of us are really proud of you the way you hand it. Don't question yourself now. You can't go back in change it right. You didn't do anything wrong. I think she just wants to come back to see or hear how you are doing. Hopefully, I will be as strong as you if I put in that situation. Well at least your ex didn't come in to your work place like my ex did to me. Well if you or anyone get an chance. Would you mind take look at my post. Is listed under healing after a breakup or divorce and title is " 22nd day of no contact and she came into work". Thanks and good luck buddy!!

 

 

jclaam