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How do I kick the jealousy???


Shadax

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My girlfriend and I have been on and off for the passed year but mostly on and it's mostly wonderful. We went through an episode about a month ago where we decided to take time away from each other.

 

It didn't last as we really wanted to see each other. Lately we've been going on little trips for the weekend, really fun dates, and have been having amazing passionate love making. It's like the fire is re lit.

 

I really want to make it work this time, but I know that when we were apart she made a lot of new friends. One good girl friend but then a bunch of dudes came along with it. She pretty much admitted one wants to sleep with her and another already asked her to be his girlfriend. She laughed at one and told the other it would never happen as she wasn't ready to be in another relationship as she's trying to work things out with me. She has always been loyal to me and she told me I have absolutely nothing to worry about, and I really do believe her. She's just really friendly and they take it the wrong way even when she's telling them she wants nothing more.

 

So now, I do get really jealous. They text her, they call her. It drives me nuts. At the same time she's dealing with a lot of stuff with work, changing jobs and other pretty stressful things. She's been getting really upset with me lately because I start to get all pissed off when she hangs out with them or texts them.

 

Again, I'm not being blind to anything as I really know I have nothing to worry about. For some reason I can't keep my DAMN mouth shut and I say something about them and she gets upset.

 

It is completely ludicrous for me to even think of saying who she can and cannot talk to. And I honestly do trust her because she has always been loving and honest with me and I have absolutely no gut feeling she would even do anything against our relationship. She's just so damn pretty and fun I just want these stupid guys to back off!! But the only answer is for me to just get over it and not say anything about it.

 

How do I stop being so jealous over such dumb things?

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It sounds like you've got your head around the whole thing the right way, but just let the emotions get out of control from time to time.

 

So maybe the best way to rationalize it all out is to see it for what it is.

 

You have no control over what other people think. Zero. You can try to convince them otherwise but in the end they are going to have whatever thoughts they have. So that means these guys are going to be interested in your gf no matter what.

 

The real important part to recognize is that your gf isn't interested in the slightest... so the guys interest effectively means nothing. They can like her til their faces turn blue and it won't change the simple reality. If your gf is going to cheat or leave you it won't be because of some guy showing interest... and if it is then it was definitely going to go in that direction no matter what.

 

Have faith in her and have faith in your relationship. Any static that builds between you two on this subject is going to do nothing but cause more tension and issues. Jealousy really serves no purpose whatsoever and when you learn to let go of it life is so much better.

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I agree that you could try being friends with them as well. My boyfriend still speaks to a few of his exes and I found it hard at first. And he has a best friend who is a girl. But once I got to know this girl, and a few of his exes, it was totally fine. I could see that they were just friends and nothing else. And the girls turned out to be really nice and friendly. Do you think you could arrange a time to go for a drink with the group? Also, that would show the guys that your girl does have a boyfriend and they may back off a bit.

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I've experienced jealousy mostly secondhand and I always felt depersonalized by it. When my husband used to get angry or nosy or suspicious it made me feel like he thought I was merely a possession. After years and years of it I ended up making his fears reality partially just to spite him. I had so much resentment built up for being treated as a commodity I took revenge. Much later I understand the insecurity that feeds jealousy but in my case he was mostly worried I'd stop supporting him financially.

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