Article in Self Magazine

[Gracelove]

I read this article in Self magazine about date rape, and it was reallllllly good!

I suggest it to everyone.

I mean reading was really good for me. It made me a bit sad, but it also helped.

So basically if a woman is drugged and raped she has no chance in court. It's sad but true.

To quote a retired police sergeant in the article, "You hate to tell people that we have such terrible success with these cases, at trial, because it makes victims think, Well then, why press charges?

Anywho, I felt really good about it, because the women experienced the same things I did!!!

They contacted their rapist after the fact.

AND their rapist tried to get them to go out with them again, LOL! I had no idea it was soooo common.

I'm glad I didn't go out with my rapist after he raped me.

It's hard though, tricky, because during that time your thinking that maybe you can find a way to get your control back.

When he tried to get me to meet with him for "sex", I realized that he really is a true predator.

I couldn't have been in a more vunerable state, and he's trying to get me to go near him again.

I'm so greatful that God kept me, and that didn't happen.

And then he called me days later saying, "I thought we were going to get together. Call me." He has no shame.

Isn't that just so awful.

And that's another thing also, he was trying to be nice. But I'm glad I let him talk about himself, because he is as far from nice as you can get. So I think it might be confusing for a lot of women.

Just a note to any women in this situation, these men are predators. If they try to convince you to be near them again, don't.

A predator can not give you your power back. They just can't.

It just makes me angry, because in the article there are a couple of his victims who did go back to him. And the poor things were raped a second time.

I just feel for them, because it's hard enough to get over one rape, let alone 2.

And then to have to be attacked in court on top of it, it just isn't right.

Isn't that so sad!!!!!

It's a trick, if you go back to them, then you have nothing to stand on really. People who haven't been drugged and raped won't understand that.

I remember my rapist talking about this one girl (I only talked to him once after the rape, and it lasted for hours, with him doing 95% of the talking).

Anywho, I knew he raped this girl he was talking about, and I knew that she went back to him after the rape. It's really sad.

Anywho, trying to get the victim to engage with them again, after the rape is common I suppose.

But the court room is a hard place for victims. They are attacked and degraded, whew!

I think it's a blessing that I don't have to go through that.

You want justice, but at the same time, you don't want to be attacked, again, and by someone defending your rapist at that. How unfair is that?

Anywho, I just keep reminding myself of God's justice. People can't commit crimes against others and just run away, it follows them. And one day it over takes them, and they don't even see it coming.

Anywho, this guy made a calendar with the names of all the women he raped.

He raped 27 women for sure, but there were 50-something names.

It's just really sad because they don't stop until they are place in jail or die.

Just think of how many victims would be spared if the known rapists were off of the streets.

Remember that one petiphile (I can't spell this morning) that molested 36,000 children? And he kept meticulous notes on them? I mean that's a lot of people living altered lives. One person shouldn't be allowed to cause that much destruction.

Oh, I just looked it up, his name is Dean Arthur Schwartzmiller, and he's in his 60's.

 

That's a lot of people to rape by the age of 63. And that's just ONE sexual predator.

I wonder what number all the others are on?

It's just sad.

[Maelstrom X]

Thats why its important, albeit difficult, to go through with the legal process...the guy who raped you is going to do it again...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Never back down just because the odds are against you. People go to court over scratched rental cars and cell phone bills. All rapists should have a day in court.

The ruling is out of one's control- but there needs to at least be an attempt.

[alli]

That's pretty crazy that someone could molest 36,000 children before being stopped, assuming he was stopped.

 

I majored in psychology in school, & I remember hearing that the reason a victim is often blamed is because people don't want to think "if it happened to her, it could happen to me". So it's easier to think "well that won't happen to me because I don't dress like a wh***".

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadley it's happened to a lot of people. I used to think rape was rare.. not the case. And you have to think, for every rape victim, there is a rapist. Granted, one person can rape a lot of people, but I still can't believe how many rapists we all must pass by every day & not even know it... at the grocery store, at the mall, at the stoplight. I don't know how these guys can justify what they've done. It's like they don't even realize that they are now a rapist.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

We did a mock rape trial at my university. Many students were attending for extra credit. In the trial, the mock defendent said "I didn't rape that b****, she was *tease* and wanted it!!!"

 

 

Apparently half of the male audience stood up cheering and clapping when that was said. DISGUSTING.

 

Rapists and men who think like rapists act as if their teeny little penises are so powerful, they are no longer able to control themselves. RIIIGHT.

 

But on the other hand, while women should be able to run around half naked at 3 in the morning down a dark alley without being harmed, they should take care of themselves and be as safe as possible.

 

It could happen to anyone, sadly.

[Seraphim]

NEVER back down. I went up against my rapist as a 14 year old in court. Sadly I have to say he walked, but these people NEED to face consequences.

[Maelstrom X]

There was a guy who i grew up with who got accused of rape. He walked but just the fact the girl went thru with it got the guys name on the front page of the paper. I suspect he did it but who knows, his name is slandered forever and if anyone ever googles his name that article comes up.

[Gracelove]

Thats why its important, albeit difficult, to go through with the legal process...the guy who raped you is going to do it again...

 

I can understand where you are coming from. I filed a police report. The detective spoke with him, and then told me he won't be coming back to the state. And that's the end of it as far as I know.

I'm sure he has raped many times before and after me. It's something he's going to do until he dies. Sad but true.

 

Never back down just because the odds are against you. People go to court over scratched rental cars and cell phone bills. All rapists should have a day in court.

The ruling is out of one's control- but there needs to at least be an attempt.

 

I agree, it's not good to back down. I didn't back down, but at the same time I'm relieved that I don't have to ever see him again, especially in court.

It's so hard to recover from the rape alone, I don't think I could have handled being degraded court like other victims have. Because when it's all over, it's just you, left alone, to deal with everything.

And I'm sure it's devastating for women to bear their souls, and basically be called a liar by a jury saying, "Not guilty".

And then what? You're re-traumatized, and spend the rest of your life forking over thousands of dollars for therapy.

The rapist won't be paying those bills. It just seems better to just..not have to go through that.

If there was a garantee (sp?) he'd be convicted and placed behind bars, it'd totally be worth it. If not???

I think about this sooo much. What if one day, everything is okay for me, and I'm contacted to show up in court.

I will feel compelled to go, and support the other women.

And when I read this article I saw that was exactly what another woman was thinking, and really, it was damaging for her.

 

That's pretty crazy that someone could molest 36,000 children before being stopped, assuming he was stopped.

 

I majored in psychology in school, & I remember hearing that the reason a victim is often blamed is because people don't want to think "if it happened to her, it could happen to me". So it's easier to think "well that won't happen to me because I don't dress like a wh***".

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. Sadley it's happened to a lot of people. I used to think rape was rare.. not the case. And you have to think, for every rape victim, there is a rapist. Granted, one person can rape a lot of people, but I still can't believe how many rapists we all must pass by every day & not even know it... at the grocery store, at the mall, at the stoplight. I don't know how these guys can justify what they've done. It's like they don't even realize that they are now a rapist.

 

I know, what a crazy story! They caught him, but I haven't heard of what has happened to him since.

I think about that alllll of the time!!! It's kind of scary actually. I think about someone I befriend at work being a rapist and me not knowing it. Or someone in my favorite rock band.

It's just creepy.

I know tons of them are out there. And I so don't want to be the girl that befriends a rapist, simply because I don't think they deserve friends.

But then if they didn't have any friends, I'm sure they'd be much worse people (if that's possible).

I just remember this one guy who was molested as a child. He survived soooo much, through the years, only to ultimately kill himself in the end. He just couldn't overcome the agnony he felt within.

And that's super scary, it's just not fair, you know?

 

We did a mock rape trial at my university. Many students were attending for extra credit. In the trial, the mock defendent said "I didn't rape that b****, she was *tease* and wanted it!!!"

 

 

Apparently half of the male audience stood up cheering and clapping when that was said. DISGUSTING.

 

Rapists and men who think like rapists act as if their teeny little penises are so powerful, they are no longer able to control themselves. RIIIGHT.

 

But on the other hand, while women should be able to run around half naked at 3 in the morning down a dark alley without being harmed, they should take care of themselves and be as safe as possible.

 

It could happen to anyone, sadly.

 

Ya, it's really sad, some men don't think rape is a big deal. But if it were to happen to them, they wouldn't feel that way.

You're right, it can happen to anyone.

That's the thing I hate most, when I hear a man say, "She wanted it!". I mean how sad is that?

It's like, "Well, if she wanted it, you wouldn't have had to take it from her by force".

I mean really, what skewed logic.

Ya, it is good to keep yourself as safe as you possibly can. But that's not always good enough. At times they can get you despite all precaution.

 

NEVER back down. I went up against my rapist as a 14 year old in court. Sadly I have to say he walked, but these people NEED to face consequences.

 

It's wonderful you were so brave!!! That must have been very hard for you to go through at such a young age.

Even though he got off, were you and your parents able to get a restraining order against him?

I have a friend who was raped around the same age. She says she really wishes she would have been able bring him to court. She really regrets it, so I think it's good your rapist was prosecuted.

 

There was a guy who i grew up with who got accused of rape. He walked but just the fact the girl went thru with it got the guys name on the front page of the paper. I suspect he did it but who knows, his name is slandered forever and if anyone ever googles his name that article comes up.

 

Wow, his name was on the front paper?! You don't hear that everyday. It must have been a pretty bad situation.

I see your point.

Actually, not to long after I was raped, there was a protest. Women had been raped at the school, and the victims and their supporters accused the school of covering it up.

So that incident was in the papers, ultimately, I don't know if it made a big difference.

I think I'll google it and see if it still comes up.

[Seraphim]

I was repeatedly raped by the father's brother, so he was not just any rapist he was my uncle. My parents brought the charges against him because I was too young I was 13. Also at the time the victim had to prove the charges. It is a long ugly story but he got off and yes they got a restraining order, but he still stalked us for 3 years until we eventually moved accross the country.

[Gracelove]

I was repeatedly raped by the father's brother, so he was not just any rapist he was my uncle. My parents brought the charges against him because I was too young I was 13. Also at the time the victim had to prove the charges. It is a long ugly story but he got off and yes they got a restraining order, but he still stalked us for 3 years until we eventually moved accross the country.

 

How horrible!!!!!

I'm so glad your parents pressed charges against him.

Is he your dad's only brother? How did the rest of your family react (cousins, grandparents, etc.?), were they supportive of you and your parents?

It's really horrible. I know when it comes to stalkers, it seems the victims always have to move to remain safe.

Were you able to get therapy? It had to be extremely tramatic to lose so much at such a young age.

[Seraphim]

My family lived accross the country,the rest of my dad'd siblings are girls. No my dad's family never supported me, they swept it under the carpet and hoped it would go away and today they say it never happened but I could care less because I am not in their lives not even my dad's. I had therapy for 2 years every day that I have no memory of. I was abused by 2 other people before this, but my parents know nothing about it and nor will I ever tell them. I believe my mom has suffered enough.