Love or Logic

[versat_il]

It has been a while since I last posted in this forum and I can’t remember the last time I asked for help. I would like to start by thanking all of those who take their time to read my long and tedious posting and by apologizing for my English, but in the past year I’ve been taking French lessons as well… and three languages in one head is enough.

As usual, beginnings are difficult so I’m not so sure of where to start to be relevant and to the subject.

I once had a girlfriend which I very much loved; we had a troublesome relationship that eventually came to an end. Perhaps we where too young or just, as most people would say to comfort themselves, “It was not supposed to be”. I remember posting about my tribulations at that particular time and also not disclosing the ending of that “saga”.

The ending is not important, as most of you will notice I’m doing pretty well now since I am neither dead nor deeply depressed. To put it in lame terms I finally decided to end that relationship in change of another.

Her name is Dana, and we’re very much alike; about the same age (5 days difference), both blond with blue eyes, both clever, thrill seeking, young individuals with lifes to live and ideals worth struggling for. Days did go by since we started seeing each other and I quickly started to forget my former love and even developed and emotional attachment for Dana. I say so because I’m not so sure event today if I genuinely love her. I’m not going to reveal all the intricacies of the relationship but I will mention some of the key events that happened in the past 2 and 1/2 years since we’ve been together.

In midyear 2006 we moved-in together at her place, because my parents are old and they don’t deserve to put up with us. Moving in was troublesome hence she had nothing more then a door and walls but we got over those issues somehow and actually made a pretty nice home for ourselves. We even got a little cat.

Somewhere at the beginning of April 2007 I started to become bored with the way things were going and when Dana was visiting her parents for the weekend, as she did so all too often, I started seeing some other girl. It was clear to me even at that particular time that there was no future alongside Alexandra but I was saying to myself “hei! She’s very beautiful and young and above all she has a real passion for sex”. I knew that what I was doing was wrong. I even tried to hide it for a short while but it didn’t work out. To make a long story short I’ll have to say that I had my fun with Alexandra and even for a while the relationship was something like in the movie “True Romance”, in fact we where so much different that eventually things came apart.

Dana cried and suffered as much as she could while I was having my fun but I presume that somewhere inside she knew I’ll come back to her, and so I had.

We got back together after a couple of moths and things pretty much became the way they where. She forgave me for leaving her alone and she told me something that is rather hard to forget “if you want to have your fun in the future, go and have your fun, but never again break up with me”. I’m not sure if she’s madly in love and very understanding or obsessed with me. I say so because obsessed persons will get over pretty much anything to live out their obsession. If I had to pick I’ll say madly in love and very understanding of me since she was not becoming a stalker or something like that when we where apart.

This year I started working for a renowned European vehicle manufacturer and things became some king of wonderful for me. Before I knew it I was speaking French and spending a lot of money. I got myself a convertible sports car and a motorcycle and started acting like there was no tomorrow. I’ve somewhat detached myself from my former way of life, including Dana with it.

Somewhere midyear I moved back home with my folks and renewed the house (to go with my new lifestyle) and in that process I’ve rediscovered an old friend which, by then, had turned into an interesting young lady.

Perhaps I’m being predictable by braking up again with Dana, but I’m not here to confess just to seek advice. I started seeing Raluca, my interesting neighbor with dark skin. She’s only 19, beautiful and pretty much clever for her age. I’m not saying Dana is ugly but from my point of view Raluca is more of that child-fantasy dream-girl. Things weren’t so bright between us at the begging because she lied to me but I attributed that to her young age. We had our discussions and apparently things became normal, but the age gap was showing ever so often. We broke up several times during the past few months and every single time I kept running back to her.

For me the relationship with Raluca is more and more like a drug. When I’m with her I can’t let go… I keep squishing her in my arms and I feel that wonderful loving feeling. I know she loves me back, words need not be spoken I just feel so. The only thing that bothers me is apparently childish behavior that she sometimes displays. Let’s not forget she’s pretty much young so I guess it’s normal, it is I who had his expectations set to something else.

The last time we broke up I started seeing Dana again and right now as I’m writhing we’re somewhat in the mist of getting back together again, Dana and I. The thought of us being together is somewhat comforting for me since we’re more fitted together. We’re about the same way when it comes to most things and we never had a fight. Being the same age, not fighting, having common interests, both working and having more then enough money and a decent place to live ARE some of the PROS of this relation. It’s idyllic to say the least but the love is pretty much gone, if it where there in the first place. It’s even more horrible if you sum up that Dana genuinely loves me.

On the other hand I have this beautiful, young girl whom I love and who makes me feel like there’s no more gravity on this planet. Entreating a relation with Raluca will, in the long term, mean a lot of nerve breaking experiences and a not-so-excellent way of life. If I where to go along with that I will be betting everything on our love not growing cold at some point.

In a perfect world reasoning and feelings would go together merely, but in my little world this two collide and so I come back to that same age old question “Love or Logic” ?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

You probably shouldn't post pics of these named girls, presumably without their permission, and personal details. I would remove them asap if I were you!

[itsallgrand]

I agree with honey!!!

 

And to be frank, I don't think you are in any position to be with anyone right now. Just my opinion.

 

You are basically just bouncing around avoiding being a grown man on his own. Sorry if that is harsh. It's the way I see it.

 

I don't think any of this has to do with either love nor logic. It's called hormones and feelings. That is really how I see it.

 

Dating is one thing but to get all involved and pretend like you know what you actually want is another, going so far as to commit to someone and cheat.

 

I just feel you aren't being real nor showing much character, to be honest.

[Portage]

I agree with honey!!!

 

And to be frank, I don't think you are in any position to be with anyone right now. Just my opinion.

 

You are basically just bouncing around avoiding being a grown man on his own. Sorry if that is harsh. It's the way I see it.

 

I don't think any of this has to do with either love nor logic. It's called hormones and feelings. That is really how I see it.

 

Dating is one thing but to get all involved and pretend like you know what you actually want is another, going so far as to commit to someone and cheat.

 

I just feel you aren't being real nor showing much character, to be honest.

 

 

I completely agree with IAG. There is nothing wrong with dating multiple partners but don't get involved in a fake relationship, act dedicated, while you are looking for your next thrill.

 

You want someone on the backburner while you get that sexual rush through other partners. Nothing wrong with that, but let your comfy backburner go. be up front and honest.

 

Be a man.

[Ruede]

Your girl is breaking her own heart while you go off with other women. Leave her.

[versat_il]

I don’t really like the way the post is going so far and I need to make things more clear. I'm not religious nor do I believe in penitence. Let's not forget we're all humans and flawed by design before judging others. I'm not here to be judged or punished! I'm appealing to the experiences of others that have been in similar situation (because we all make mistakes) I'm more interested in that. Don't get me wrong! I appreciate your honest comment and if it weren't me where talking about I'll say the same. As far as the pictures go you're right it was wrong of me to post them and I appreciate the swift intervention of the moderators, I thought that two faces in such a huge world would be like a drop in an ocean… and then again we have lawyers who cannot point my country on a map but they can sue me.

[versat_il]

p.s. : stop agreeing so much with eachother ...you sound like the collective mind of a bee hive.

[versat_il]

Define love for me please ? Isn't it a mix of hormones and feelings ? and I do love one of them but I don't see a very happy future with her so I'm thinking of not taking that course of action. It's a struggle between what I perceive as LOVE and what I, as a grown man, think it's logic.

[versat_il]

To be perfectly honest, Ruede, I seriously think it's the best way out. It would be best to forget about about them both and face my deamons on my own. I'll post some more as things evolve. Thanks !

[versat_il]

"YES ! we're all individuals !" (Choir) - Quote from "Life of Brian"

[JadedStar]

p.s. : stop agreeing so much with eachother ...you sound like the collective mind of a bee hive.

 

There are a lot of perceptive people here. This site seems to attract insightful people. That said, the agreement you see here is beacuse they are using LOGIC in their posts. You don't sound ready for a committed relationship, bottomline. If you can find women to date casually who don't want a commitment that is fine, do it. But if the woman wants one be honest with what you can and cannot give. You have shown a pattern of getting bored and searching for physical perfection. Don't be dishonest with anyone and start dating them making them think you are in it for the longterm and will stick with them.

 

Logically the folks on this thread thus far are completely right. there is also no reason why people can't be logical and love at the same time.

[versat_il]

I feel compelled to go on ranting about this for a little longer…

I figure that you are right when you are saying that I am not ready to commit myself. I lost both this girls, and lost is not the appropriate word …It’s more like “let go”. I figured that two wrongs wouldn’t make a right so I backed away from everything and I expressed to both of them my deepest regrets.

Perhaps I need some time to rediscover myself, or figure out what I want. I’ve tried to see other people in the meanwhile, just as casual dates without getting to serious but it did not seem to work out. I’ve got the same reaction in three different cases. The girls where falling and wanting to get a little too serious …so I backed away. I guess I’m sticky.

I feel like addicted … someone told me once that I am in love with “love” and not the actual person. I guess she was right. I love the chase, the game and the foreplay … but after a while, as you said, I start to get bored.

It feels like a curse  . Why can’t I enjoy a normal life? I don’t want to hurt anybody anymore and I don’t like being alone.

I really wish that there were one person on the surface of the earth to whom I could fall madly and deeply in love and keep it that way.

I’m not complaining … I enjoy my life but I really want to love sincerely once again.

I guess I’m so much in love with “love” that after a while with a person ,just when things are about to get nice and cozy, I run away to face a new challenge all over again.

As a young man, I had many misfortunes in romance and nowadays things have changed quite a bit turning into somewhat a “Casanova”. Back then I would have staid with a girl because I knew that it was hard to get… now I find it easy and amusing most times. Since my newfound confidence, I seem to be unable to stay focused in a relation. Did I not meet the right one or am I simply a love-addicted bastard. Moreover, how can I figure this out for sure…?

[Shyguy24]

i think you like the rush and high of being in love with someone, but unfortunately what you have experienced is not true love.

 

True love is a feeling of lazy happiness and satisfaction, from knowing that you are one with the person of your choice.

 

I would say keep searching till you meet the right person and then you will know.