I am so jealous of my boyfriends pasts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jfav9289]

I have the EXACT same problems with my boyfriend...

[Divine_Malice]

I know how you feel. My boyfriend slept with two girls before me, fooled around with another. And tried to get with others. The worst part is we were friends so I heard about the oral jokes he did with girls, the truck bed stories and cowboy hat wearing skanks, how his first thought he was so "AMAZING", and every story in between. I know all the history. I was with one other guy my ex fiance, I was upset with him cause he had sex so casually. I was not brought up that way. The first time me and my guy had sex was the same way he had it with every other girl, I just really fealt disgusted and jealousy at first. I felt like just another * * * * he got with.

 

BUT...

 

I love him and he loves me. We live together and are coming up on our anniversary, were talking about marriage and future things. There are times that if something gets brought up I just end up thinking and thinking about it and how bad it hurts that some one else got to touch him that way before I did. It hurts your heart but it was the past and I know I am going to be the last one to touch him and love him. You just have to learn to move past it. Its going to suck but you'll be happier!

[Divine_Malice]

hi **D**

 

If you're still around on the forum, did you ever manage to get over this?

 

I am experiencing the same problems.. or anyone..

 

It is easy to say try not to think about it, or get a hobby.. but I can't understand why I get like this.. It's not all the time, but when I do start to think about his past.. I feel so jealous.. I know it's not rational but that is the whole thing.. if it was.. I would be able to work out how to stop it..

 

Arghhh !!! Need help... I don't want to ruin this relationship but I can't stop thinking about his past.. and comparing myself with all the women he has been with.. and I hate it that I feel I can't compete.

 

I just worry that this will kill our relationship because of me..

 

I just posted but I saw your post and had to reply. You can get over it. I know exactly how it is. Something just triggers it and I am thinking about every detail. Like i said in my post before we were friends so I knew a lot of details. I have seen left over pictures as well... so i can picture it perfect.

 

I just think of how much i love him and the good things in our relationship and just tell myself I changed him he isn't doing that anymore its only with me...Me only. it helps . you just have think of the future and forget the past

[Dragunov-21]

You know the OP isn't around anymore, right? =P

(To my knowledge)

[Puma]

^^ Regardless, I'll put my two cents in anyway.

 

I can see where the OP is coming from. My current boyfriend admitted to having 6 or 7 one-night stands, and the fact that he's unsure of the number scared me. It's not so much the fact that he's had that many partners before me, but it made me wonder if he valued sex and saw it as something special between two people, rather than just a quick fix. I'm the kind of person who becomes [more] emotionally attached through sex, so to be with someone who gave himself away so easily without a care frightens me a bit.

 

However, this was long before I've made it in the picture, and there is absolutely nothing I could do to change his past. What matters to me now is that he remains faithful, that's all I ask for.

[ilovehim2009]

You can't hold your SO's past against them. What happened between others and them before you came along is irrelevant. Of course nobody likes to think of the person they love with all their heart having sex or feelings for another once-upon-a-time, it makes most people want to punch babies. Just try not to think about it - he is with YOU now. He loves YOU.

[Puma]

Of course nobody likes to think of the person they love with all their heart having sex or feelings for another once-upon-a-time, it makes most people want to punch babies.

hahah, my thoughts exactly.

[MystikalDawn]

Wow, you sound IDENTICAL to my girlfriend, except she rubs it in my face all the time, my ex works at wal mart...and there was a point in time when i would hear * * * * from my girlfriend if i simply went to wal mart to pick something up, so please whatever you do dont go framing him TELLING him that you think he loves her more then yourself, it only makes both of you feel bad then.

[Unknown1607307972]

Of course nobody likes to think of the person they love with all their heart having sex or feelings for another once-upon-a-time, it makes most people want to punch babies.

 

What I hate the most is that from the sounds of it in my case, they had very little in common, he didn't find her especially physically attractive, sex was quite routine and they didn't share the same sense of humour at all. It hurts me to think that she still managed to win his heart somehow despite all this. He says that although he did love her once he's never loved anyone as much has he loves me but it still makes me want to punch babies thinking of them together. I can't stand that someone who is so not right for him in what I hear made him feel love. She had soemthing I see as so precious when she shouldn't have.

 

I also hate his family have met her more, it makes her feel like she's been more his girlfriend than I am now. He tells me despite this, his family seem to get along with me better and act more natural around me because she would hardly ever speak to them when she was there, while I made conversation and laughed and joked with them despite being very nervous. I still hate that she's just had everything first. I hate it when I visit him and I know she's been to all these places with him as his girlfriend, holding hands and being coupley, way before me. I describe it as graffiti over a beautiful wall painting. I am trying to wash it off, but all over my beautiful painting she's left a mark.

 

I know he can't change the past, and I know he doesn't love her at all anymore. That love stopped months before I came into the picture and he was the one who broke up with her after trying to spare her feelings but delaying it and seeing if things would get better. And god, their relationship is sometimes identical to mine with my ex. Long distance, months of wanting to end it but scared of hurting the other, once in love but it faded out on our parts. He was in the same position I was with my ex and while I know I did love my ex once I definitely don't feel anything for him anymore. God, I'm such a hyprocrit, my boyfriend tells me that he feels for his ex the exact same way I do for mine, but my boyfriend is so confident while I am a self hating wreck. I think that's the difference. I am just obsessed with her, scarily obsessed, and I know the root of it all is my own loathing hatred towards myself.

 

/crazy

[CLROG]

I just posted but I saw your post and had to reply. You can get over it. I know exactly how it is. Something just triggers it and I am thinking about every detail. Like i said in my post before we were friends so I knew a lot of details. I have seen left over pictures as well... so i can picture it perfect.

 

I just think of how much i love him and the good things in our relationship and just tell myself I changed him he isn't doing that anymore its only with me...Me only. it helps . you just have think of the future and forget the past

 

Hi, Divine

 

Thanks so much for that..

 

I am starting to get over my feelings now and so many people on this site have been really helpful.

 

I found another site that also really is helping me to start to tackle my feelings and I would recommend anyone who is feeling jealousy issues to go there..

 

link removed

 

Also if you read this jfav9289 I got your private message and have replied honey, hope all is ok

[Puma]

I don't feel like creating a whole new thread and I think it's appropriate to address it while we're on this topic - my boyfriend used to party a lot, and seeing pictures of him on Facebook dancing with other girls/being touchy with them made me want to kick an old person down a flight of stairs.

 

I understand that it was before he's even met me and I haven't entered the picture yet, but it eats away at me for some reason. It bothers me that he was physical with all these other girls while I, on the other hand, had been intimate only during long-term relationships (which were very few). Kinda makes me question his morals, and why he's had multiple, meaningless one-night stands.

[ilovehim2009]

I don't feel like creating a whole new thread and I think it's appropriate to address it while we're on this topic - my boyfriend used to party a lot, and seeing pictures of him on Facebook dancing with other girls/being touchy with them made me want to kick an old person down a flight of stairs.

 

I understand that it was before he's even met me and I haven't entered the picture yet, but it eats away at me for some reason. It bothers me that he was physical with all these other girls while I, on the other hand, had been intimate only during long-term relationships (which were very few). Kinda makes me question his morals, and why he's had multiple, meaningless one-night stands.

 

People change. Out of all of those shallow flings he had with those girls, he saw YOU and wanted to be with only you. Remember that. You were "the one" that finally made him want to tame out and settle for one girl.

 

You can't fault someone for pictures taken or things said before you were in a relationship with them or knew them. However, I do think he should've deleted those pics off his Facebook, out of respect for you. It's kind of insensitive/tacky to leave pics of himself booty dancing with other girls while he's got a g/f, imo.

 

If it bothers you, I think you should bring it up to him.

[Puma]

People change. Out of all of those shallow flings he had with those girls, he saw YOU and wanted to be with only you. Remember that. You were "the one" that finally made him want to tame out and settle for one girl.

 

You can't fault someone for pictures taken or things said before you were in a relationship with them or knew them. However, I do think he should've deleted those pics off his Facebook, out of respect for you. It's kind of insensitive/tacky to leave pics of himself booty dancing with other girls while he's got a g/f, imo.

 

If it bothers you, I think you should bring it up to him.

He rarely uses Facebook, I've just taken notice to his female friends tagging him in them which ends up showing in his news feed or whatever. It's hard seeing them at first, having his hands place around the muffin tops of a thick-bodied, scantily clad girl. I'm dumb for even looking at them, I know.

 

I feel like bringing it up to him, but jokingly to keep it lighthearted and calm so it's not so confrontational. You're right though - we met through Yahoo Personals and he made it clear early on that he (like myself) was looking for something serious and after just a couple dates, stated that he wasn't dating or even looking for anybody else. Right before we slept together he admitted that it was his first time having sex with someone he actually likes. Laughter ensued.

[ilovehim2009]

He rarely uses Facebook, I've just taken notice to his female friends tagging him in them which ends up showing in his news feed or whatever. It's hard seeing them at first, having his hands place around the muffin tops of a thick-bodied, scantily clad girl. I'm dumb for even looking at them, I know.

 

I feel like bringing it up to him, but jokingly to keep it lighthearted and calm so it's not so confrontational. You're right though - we met through Yahoo Personals and he made it clear early on that he (like myself) was looking for something serious and after just a couple dates, stated that he wasn't dating or even looking for anybody else. Right before we slept together he admitted that it was his first time having sex with someone he actually likes. Laughter ensued.

 

I LOL'd when you said "muffin tops." Doesn't sound like anything you need to be jealous of. But I totally understand.

 

I would bring it up to him gently, just to let him know it bothers you seeing those pics. Perhaps he can delete the tagged pics (not sure if you can do that on FB).

[CLROG]

It is difficult when you are confronted with pictures of your bf with other women when he can't stop people posting them.. I guess like you say he's not to blame.

 

But also the thing with being jealous of someone's past is that even though it happened in the past.. and we all know we can't do anything about it.. we still get jealous.

 

It's like you can't compete with the happy memory he has.. like there is no chance that she could mess it up for herself.. because it's past now.. and you can't compete with the past.

 

Knowing that people move on helps, and assuring yourself that if the past was so great, he would go after it - and he doesn't should be a good starting point for you to feel pretty secure that - like you say he's actually with someone he likes!

[Puma]

^^^ True, but it's hard thinking of it as "the past" when some of those photos were taken just months ago, lol. The one I described of him holding some chick's muffin tops was taken last Halloween... but I don't think that should matter. Regardless, he communicates well with me and has been honest with what he did back in the day, I don't feel I have a reason NOT to trust him at the moment.

[CLROG]

I can see your point.. it's not in the distant past.. But well, the past is the past.. as they say.

 

I read in a report recently, that if you are hung up on the past you have to accept that you can't change it.. Well we all know that.. but still we get hung up on it.. But they went on to say, trying to change the past is like trying to change the time you got out of bed this morning.. accept it, and know nothing can alter it.. it just is.

 

As stupid as it seems, that sentence sort of clicked with me..

 

Now is all that counts.. even the future doesn't count.. because it hasn't even happened yet.. It's all about now.

[ilovehim2009]

I can see your point.. it's not in the distant past.. But well, the past is the past.. as they say.

 

I read in a report recently, that if you are hung up on the past you have to accept that you can't change it.. Well we all know that.. but still we get hung up on it.. But they went on to say, trying to change the past is like trying to change the time you got out of bed this morning.. accept it, and know nothing can alter it.. it just is.

 

As stupid as it seems, that sentence sort of clicked with me..

 

Now is all that counts.. even the future doesn't count.. because it hasn't even happened yet.. It's all about now.

 

You have to just let it go. We're human so that is much easier said than done. You can never go back and undo or change things. NOW is what matters.

[Puma]

I'm almost tempted to post the photo here for the lolz, almost. Haha.

[Unknown1607307972]

It does help when you see the girl in the picture isn't exactly a supermodel.

 

I find it amusing to see "B***hface" never has any pictures of her that show below her shoulders. My boyfriend did say she was pretty chubby. She'll never know about all this stuff I find amusing so it's harmless really. She's not a very nice person anyway so it doesn't matter. It just makes me feel a tiny bit better as I'm slim and according to him, a lot more attractive. I just wish she hadn't been there first because it angers me that such a * * * * * (I translated a few comments she'd writen in Icelandic to her new boyfriend on an old awkward MSN conversation and they were pretty rude for no reason!) had his heart once.

 

He said something really sweet to me last night. He said that with B***hface when they were together it was mostly just like being around a friend and even as friends they didn't work in the end, he called me "The most important girl in my life who "isn't just a friend", but my first actual real girlfriend who I feel real love for

[Drained18]

I know how you feel. My boyfriend was in a 2 year relationship before me and he had a one night stand to lose his virginity.. And sometimes the jealousy I feel takes me over. What I had to finally realize is that he is with ME now. They don't matter or he would be with them

[Unknown1607307972]

Eh, my boyfriend himself said he didn't didn't think she was that attractive but was a lot less confident back then and didn't think he'd get with a "pretty" girl. For all I know someone else could think she is gorgeous, I am just glad my boyfriend doesn't. I sound so harsh about her there because I dislike her.