I am so jealous of my boyfriends pasts!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[D1607307904]

Well thanks for ur advice it helped xoxo

[Dragunov-21]

Well thanks for ur advice it helped xoxo

 

I'm sure.

[D1607307904]

jadi gomna

[Dragunov-21]

jadi gomna

 

Hit who with a what now?

 

And credit where it's due, my post was just everyone else's condensed and run through my dealing-with-easily-angered-people language filter.

 

I hope it helped for real, and not just because this is you trying to be mature.

 

Either way, I think that's all I have to say here, good luck.

[redhearts]

link removed

 

#8 I'm totally being serious here.

 

The Oath

 

Print this oath, copy it, or write your own oath. Refer to it in times of temptation, and remember that despite your past behavior, you NOW value yourself enough to take control of your body, your life and your relationships! Congratulations!

 

 

I, _____________________________ pledge to become a Reborn Virgin® and preserve my virginity, despite my prior conduct. As of this moment in time, my past is forgiven and forgotten as I now go forth to lead the life I desire to live. I promise to make myself my foremost priority, and nurture a full, rich and rewarding life of my own making. I will never put myself in peril by engaging in risky behavior. I will not generate or tolerate unhealthy relationships in my life. I pledge to practice abstinence (no sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, or touching genitals) until after I am married. I promise to marry my best friend, someone I've dated for at least a full year and someone I've come to know inside and out. I vow to constantly work on my marriage, to make it strong and viable so I can appreciate it for the rest of my life. I pledge to be open and honest in my spousal relationship, and put my marriage above our children, other family, our friends and outside interests. If there's trauma in our marriage, we will work out our troubles with the guidance of a therapist, counselor or religious leader. I pledge to live the life of a Reborn Virgin®, and promise these things in my heart.

 

 

Signed __________________________________________________

 

Date____________________

 

Witness (if desired) ________________________________________

 

"This above all:

to thine own self be true."

--William Shakespeare, Hamlet

[JadedStar]

No it doesn't. I wanted to come on this website and ask for advice, hopeing there were people out there that understood me. But obviousally not.

 

 

Do you want to talk to people just like you with the same exact problem, or people who are trying to help you and who have some pretty sage advice?

 

YOu have no accountability for your own life or your own reactions and it is very difficult to help a person like this.

 

I think you should release your b/f so he can find a women deserving of him because clearly you don't deserve him with saying things like you are ashamed of his pics as he isn't as 'hot' as you. Come on, puuulease.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

It's funny you mentioned him, Jaded- I read your post and was like, "Wait... wait a minute, the OP isn't even concerned about him!" That's her problem!

 

It's obvious the problem is maturity.

Being immature is really taxing, but you won't always be this way. You will grow and experience life and many of your problems will go away.

 

I think the old addage that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar applies here. Many of the members who have replied to you are really wise and truly helpful. Listen more!

 

You won't find people who have lived your life. But these people know a little bit about life and can give you advice that way.

[Snoopy24]

Well I read the whole thread, and have to agree he doesn't deserve you. Just for the fact you are "embarrassed" to post a picture of him on your facebook, shows what kind of person you are. If you are so embarrassed about posting a picture of him, what do you do in public? Duck so nobody sees you together? Cmon. You are 20 years old, not 12. You say you love him..but how on earth can you love someone that you are ashamed of?

 

As far as his past, everyone has a past. Even if these girls are sl*ts what does that have to do with your relationship with your boyfriend now? You have been with him for two years now, and unless you start to grow up and take things for how they are, and learn to appreciate your bf for who he is, then I don't see this working out.

 

I'm not trying to sound harsh, but maybe you should go back and re-read this thread. try to open your eyes a little.

 

Not all of my boyfriends have been Brad Pitts, but each and every one of them I found to be very attracted to, and I was proud to show them off as my boyfriend... because I loved them.

[Firiel]

I know how you feel a little... my boyfriend and I, for a mixture of religious and personal reasons, both believe in saving sex for marriage. However, he went through a time when he didn't have that commitment and slept with a girlfriend of his. It was hard when I learned about it. It was hard to learn that someone who had treated him so poorly had played such an important role in his life for so long. I felt jipped because I, who treat him well and care about him so much, had not had as much of an influence on him as his ex. And I struggled with hating her for what she did.

 

But I had to choose whether I could accept it or not. Believe it or not, D, it's a decision you can make. When I started to feel inadequate because "I hadn't had as much influence in his life as the girl who treated him like crap," I just had to push those thoughts out of my mind and not think about them. Sometimes I still have to. When those thoughts come, I choose instead to think about how much he loves me and how we are best friends as well as bf/gf and all the fun times we've had together. It really is a decision, and it will be hard at first, but if you want to change enough, you can.

 

Also, I agree with redheart. You sound like you weren't ready for sex. Maybe you should just talk to him about that. Just talk to him about your fears and that maybe you weren't ready yet and see what he has to say. Communication is so important to a relationship... if you don't tell him how you feel, you can't expect him to just know how you feel and act in accordance to those feelings.

[D1607307904]

Yeah, well I dont want to break up with him because he means a lot to me.

 

But I guess I'm just going to have to suffer alone with this jealous issue.

 

:sad:

[diamonddog]

 

:sad: I feel like I love my boyfriend way more then he loves me.

 

Because he has slept with other people?

That is the most immature thing I have read today.

 

Why do insecure people worry that there man is thinking of other wemen when they are making love to there loved one.

 

In 30 years time, (thats 29 10/12's years after he dumps your insecure * * * * ), how many men do you think you will have slept with?

 

Do you think it will matter to anybody?

 

One thing is for sure, at least he was honest with you. I bet he wishes he wasn't. Cause I bet your making him pay for it mentally.

 

How about focusing on you and him rather than anybody else.

 

I mus say, I have shared things with my current GF that I have never done before. That makes it extremely beautiful and unique.

I can say the same for most all of my ex lovers. hey all were unique, and non I would want to go back to.

[FuzzyKitten]

I'm going to tell you exactly what I think. I'm sorry if its harsh.

 

You are being completely ridiculous. You need to grow up and take responsibility for the way you feel. You're an adult, act like one.

 

I can't believe you are ashamed of the way your bf looks! You're acting completely selfish and immature. Stop competing with your friends, you're not in high school anymore.

 

I really think you need therapy. If you don't like your current therapist, find another one. You are going to lose your bf or end up hurting him badly if you don't stop this immature, jealous way of thinking.

[Dragunov-21]

I'm wondering if any of you recent posters have read through the entire thing lol... You're wasting your time

[Sierra2214]

Hey there--

Haven't read many of the post except your first.

 

I felt the SAME way as you as I was in the same situation.

 

I was 21 when I first had sex w/my bf who was 22. I waited to have sex with someone who would stick around (not use me for sex) and that I was in love with. All through college, guys would dump me if I didn't sleep with them within a month. So...I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who waited patiently for me for 6 months. He of course, had been with other girls. I had the same insecurities as you and same jealousy issues. It was bad for a while and in my rational mind-I knew I was being unfair because it was before me. But in my irrational mind-I wished I was his first and would get SOOO jealous of his first love who he had sex with while he was 18 and she was 15. And of course all the girls I was sure he screwed in between...

 

But I was like you-I would get sick to my stomach thinking about him sleeping with other girls and really upset that I wasn't his first.

 

After a while I finally let it go and kind of got over it. It all just faded away over the years. So hopefully, it will be the same for you as it is not healthy for the relationship and will only push him away.

 

I was going to go to therapy, which you could do, as the anxiety can be overwhelming.

 

Good luck...

[blue69]

LOL.. .whew I read through them. (wow so many deleted ones...)

 

Jealousy is an emotion that you CAN control. It may take time but you certainly can control it. This coming from someone who allowed it to get the best of me before.

 

I went through this situation when I was 16. My girlfriend had other lovers.. i didn't. What a waste of time getting all worked up about such trivial crap. Immaturity will do that.

 

You will respond (emotionally) how you want. The majority of posters were trying to tell you that you come accross as selfish and materialistic. I can't argue that. With what you have posted. It may not be a true reflection of you, but it is what has shown here in this forum.

 

You may love your bf. But your words (at least your versions) of stories doesn't quite back that up. You need to truly re-examine who you are as a person and who you want to be.

 

Jealousy can be controlled.

Your boyfriend should be a priority, not friends.

You can't control someones past. Nor can you control them.

Virginity pledges are laughable. Sorry but that was funny!

Enjoy sex. Why make it so full of drama?

Open yourself up and allow your bf to become a greater part of your life.

Prioritize!

 

Take care and good luck.

[D1607307904]

Hey hun thanks so much for the nice words. Its nice to know im not the only one that has felt like this.

 

I am getting over it slowly...

Thanks

[crosstownTraffic]

I canot read thru 7 pages of posts, so I will just write this...

 

well, for one, sounds like you are regretful you didn't wait til you were married to have sex.

 

Second, sounds like you fear that you are not as good in bed as your bf's previous gf's! There are lots of books out there that tell how to please a man.. Cosmopolitan is always writing articles on that sort of thing.

 

Too. sounds like both your friends AND YOU are very shallow when it comes to people's looks. If this boyfriend of yours was so Not-Hot, then why did you date him in the first place?

 

You were not settling, i'm assuming from your posts, but you keep putting him down in your posts and to not want to place his photo up with your on FACEBOOK (I mean, come on now.. who cares what people on Facebook think of you and your bf??) That's so immature. Especially when you are living with him.

 

You are only 20, so that is probably the reason for your immature attitude, but you need to start growing up. You are living with a guy who you are mad about... He's been a gentleman enough to live with you for a year and not sleep with you until a month ago... now you are raking him over the coals cuz he's got a past and you do not.

I would say, you probably either need to talk to ppl who've been in your shoes or get therapy, cuz you are driving yourself crazy!

 

And besides.. don't you enjoy the sex you have with you bf?

 

I think if I had waited a whole year to sleep with my bf, who was living with me, I'd be head over heads with glee with the fact we were now sleepign with each other, not picking yourself and him apart over silly things like he's had a sexual past and you have not, other than him!

 

You are turning positives into negatives is what I'm saying. This is benefitting no one.

 

Just a newsflash... Just cuz you are considered Pretty & Hot by other guys does not make a better person and one worth more being proud of than say, your boyfriend, whom you seem, from all your post, to be kinda ashamed of, just cuz of his looks.

 

You can change your attitude, learn new sexual skills, but what you really need to change is this really silly, immature shallow attitude you seem to be clinging to, cuz you are considered "hot"! That's not goin to win you any awards with guys if you have all these other issues.

 

I would really think about talking to a counselor, if it were me. You're upset you no longer have your virginity, you seem to be afraid of whta other peoel think of your bf, and you think you are not "up to snuff" in bed...

 

Also, Does your BF KNOW that your friends don't think he's so hot? Maybe that is the real crux as to why he doesn't compliment you much anymore, cuz he knows or senses you and your friends are putting him down cuz of his looks. That's makes a lot of sense to me!!

 

you need to resolve these issues.. A professional therapist, can help you thru these issues and maybe help you to start thinking more clearer and more positively. I wish you & your bf good luck!

[crosstownTraffic]

Maybe this is the whole thign in a nutshell though, "I live here in a place where nobody can trust each other. Its really hard because all my friends compete with each other for hotter boyfriends and we all wanna be better then each other!"

 

 

well, it sounds like 7th grade to me! You are 20, yes, pretty young, but a year from being an actual adult. Time to start growing up. If you don't think your bf is "hot enough" then you need to dump him, not berate him for having an actual life before he met you!

 

It almost sounds like you are just making this "oh, he had other gf's before me" as an excuse to cover up the fact you dont' like the fact he's not as hot as you would like.

 

And, if you are as hot as you say you are, then why couldn't you have attracted a more attractive guy in your eyes?

 

I think you are either torn or not being honest with yourself. To put your bf you live with down consistently cuz of his looks while you hold your gf's opinions, or someone on a internet facebook website, seems crazy to me.

 

get off the internet, you have a real life, with a guy who loves you. You ought to be grateful for that, not beating him & yourself up...

[loulee]

Its very normal at your age to have these jealous insecure thoughts about your Bf's sexual history when you yourself are having your first sexual and serious relationship. You obviously love your BF to bits and because everything you are experiencing together is so special and your first time..you also want him to have those new first time special feelings also, your boyfriend has done nothing wrong and keep in mind a young guy or mature can sleep with many many women and not have one special feeling or bonding at all following the act itself. try and focus and why your boyfriend wants to be with you and what attracted him to you. Dont let your jealousy drive him away and it will if you continue to feed it. Jealousy is very destructive..most men will end up feeling suffocated by a jealous women. They will wonder what happened to the fun loving girl they fell so hard for. jealousy eats into every aspect of your relationship IF YOU let it. So get on top of these thoughts, they dont make you happy NOR him..Jealousy creates arguments disharmony..tension, sadness, anger..distrust...suspicion...nastiness...NOT MUCh room left for a happy relationship is there once you let unfounded jealousy in the door...

[dazedone]

Hey, just read through a couple of the posts and i'd lke to contribute just googled this issue now. Well, bear with me but ive tried these forum things before in search of help as well. I would say im in the same boat as you D, ive been in my relationship for 3years and going on to six months. I would say we are quite similar except my boyfriend and i have battled this together for a long time, at times ive felt like giving up because no matter how much he would try to understand how i felt i would still feel like he wouldnt understand, and he didnt. I would agree on what everyone else has been saying now that i think about it, it is pretty selfish especially in my case since hes trying to listen to how I feel.

 

You see hes my first boyfriend and we started going out when we were 18, my first boyfriend EVER! i swear and its weird because i found out he wasnt a virgin and i told him i was. Which he was cool with, i was heartbroken when i found out he wasnt a virgin like me, this is how innocent i was when it came to relationships. I was like omg! ive met the coolest guy out and hes not a virgin how could this be, i would even cry all nite. Eventually i got over it, and then one day he breaks it to me that hes sleep with 5 other girls, one night stands and he regrets all of it. No matter what he said i would still cry and be upset about it. I would even be a loser and try and find out who they were and looked up photos and stuff. I swear i was turning into a psycho. All of this and i was hurting him, he would get upset and cry about it, because he regretted it so badly and he didnt know how to change his past, and he hated how it hurt me. When all along it was me being selfish...

 

honestly the truth is i still battle with it to this day on the odd occasion when i think about it, but TIME is probably the best tool in life, it can be ur enemy when you feel it drags on and on, and you feel like you still feel the same insecure about it all, but i swear it gets better but you have to be willing to look at yourself and how badly you hurt your bf, it took me to see my boyfriend break out in to tears so many times for it to knock some sense into my head to change the way i think... i am responsible for the way i think, i can choose to continue to hurt myself and my partner and drag the past into the current...then so be it...live a depressing relationship..fite all the time....but honestly i love my bf soo much that im like now...you know what who cares were together, were on top of the world, and they nowhere in the picture...

 

in a way im thankful because if his past hadnt gone the way it has he would still be with his ex and i wouldnt have him!!! believe in yourself and your relationship...

 

if your happy being with him then who cares what anyone else thinks..esp your friends, man honestly theres plenty of other friends out there...you dont need to be with mates that say that...one of my girl mates use to say that to me, like ohhh that guy would so look good with you, but seriously i ignore them because i love my bf, and i know that were good together! honestly if you need any help, i mite be able to help you cos ive struggled through this and still am to this day but i really think im making big progress and my bf thinks so too.. just gotta be patient with yourself and your bf has to try as well, as long as your trying your best to be better and he understands that your trying then thats progress, better than being bitter about it and holding it against him. If hes a good guy he would listen to how you feel and work it out with you...

[user1988]

Maybe you need to find some hobbies, my bf had slept with 10 women before me and he's my first. If I had to think about every girl he's done it with it would drive me crazy. And then there was the girl he wanted to marry at one point, if I had to be jealous of her and get upset then even I wouldn't date me. He doesn't judge my past so I won't judge his.

[CLROG]

hi **D**

 

If you're still around on the forum, did you ever manage to get over this?

 

I am experiencing the same problems.. or anyone..

 

It is easy to say try not to think about it, or get a hobby.. but I can't understand why I get like this.. It's not all the time, but when I do start to think about his past.. I feel so jealous.. I know it's not rational but that is the whole thing.. if it was.. I would be able to work out how to stop it..

 

Arghhh !!! Need help... I don't want to ruin this relationship but I can't stop thinking about his past.. and comparing myself with all the women he has been with.. and I hate it that I feel I can't compete.

 

I just worry that this will kill our relationship because of me..

[Unknown1607307972]

You sound so much like me. Although I didn't lose my virginity to my boyfriend I lost it to my ex, as did my boyfriend with his. He doesn't have anything to do with her anymore but I picture them in my head and obsess like a crazy person. The full story is in a thread of mine so I can't be bothered to type it all now. I know he doesn't love her at all or want to get back with her. She lives way further away from him than I do too. But I hate her so much that I looked her up on places like Facebook, another site too, and I check up on her a bit. Plus I torture myself by comparing myself to her because I have very low confidence. I know she's in the past and I was once happy with my ex too but...agh...I can't make it stop!

[CLROG]

I have seen your post ~Unkown~ I'm am determined to get over this though, and you can too.. well if I can you can!

 

x

[girl68]

Well seeing how you're 20 and most likely your bf will not be the one you marry you better get over it. Your next bf's will probably be much more experienced than 3 gals, and you my dear will also be tainted. That's a fact of life, you're probably not going to see many virgin men in their early 20's.