Our partner's reflect ourselves

[Aschleigh]

It's the Law of attraction, it's how self-esteem works. YOU PICK A PARTNER WHO MIRRORS YOUR TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT YOURSELF.

If your self-esteem is low and you only feel good when you are drunk , you will find a partner just like that.

If self esteem is good, you repel people who only feel good when drunk.

If you are kind and conscious , you will only settle for a kind and conscious mate. If you live an unconscious lifestyle you will be rejected by conscious people as mate material.

That's why getting things good with yourself if you first job. You can't attract a great person into your life unless you are great yourself.

So many people come here to complain about their inconsiderate, emotionally stunted partners. If you have an inconsiderate , emotionally stunted partner it is because you are inconsiderate and emotionally stunted. Otherwise you would recognize them for who there are, and want to be with someone else .

It's true the other way too, Heroin addicts need bf/gf heroin addicts because sober people don't date them . Abusers need people who are ready to be abused, because people who do not let themselves be abused don't date them.

So if you have a relationship problem, it's because you have that problem too or a related problem that works with your partners problem.

Become the person you want to be, then you will attract to you the person who is also investing in themselves to become the person they want to be. If you come from alcoholic parents make sure to not date alcoholics.

If you are putting your health and happiness first in your life, you will attract a partner who is doing the same. It's the law of attraction.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i gotta disagree for the most part..

 

i always say: "If you are kind and conscious , you will only settle for a kind and conscious mate." (or something similar). and that you yourself ALLOw yourself to settle for less..

but so many times people end up with someone a bit selfish, or even a cheater with a weak character. or someone who isn't mature. doesn't mean they are..

[rocka_betty]

i disagree some good people just end up in bad relationships. It's how it ends which defines a person.

[rocka_betty]

not every addict will only date an addict many of my sober friends for some reason date drugged up losers it's just what attracts them....at first.

[bijoux27]

In the end aren't we all the same.

[Day_Walker]

I would say that people seem to attract those that mirror what is familiar to them, particularly what happened when they were little.

[rocka_betty]

sometimes people attract whats completely opposite to them.

[Aschleigh]

Addicts don't always attract addicts. Addict attract people who are willing to be with addicts, they enable the addictive behavior.

If you're partner cheats and you believe yourself worthy of a faithful partner, you leave them.

"good " people can feel terrible about themselves and have partners who also feel terrible about themselves.

It does take some time and experience to recognize character traits in another person. Thats why people with low self esteem who rush into a relationship don't look critically at the character of the potential partners, they are trying to get their needs met desperatly and quickly, NO time to look at who someone is when you need them to feel ok.

NO we are not all the same.

[rocka_betty]

you know what ....i see what u are saying now. you are definitely on to something but i think it takes a strong person to move on in a relationship where someone cheats. Some times accidents do happen and no ones perfect. i think you theory can be right for most people but its just to blunt to be true.

[Rose21]

That is SO wrong.

 

My boyfriend and I are alot alike in many ways but...

 

He is very prideful and believes in himself. I'm insecure at times and rely on reassurance from others.

 

He is VERY independent. I am VERY dependent.

 

He isn't as social. I'm a social butterfly.

 

I have ADHD and don't study unless I really need to and tend to procrastinate. He will study every night, including getting a assignment he has a week to work on in one night, working 8 hrs straight.

 

He gets things done. I need some prodding along and help.

 

When something good or bad happens, I have to tell EVERYONE. He keeps it inside.

 

Some things we are alike in:

 

Same music tastes.

 

Very strong morals. No drinking, never touched a drug or cigerette.

 

Don't like partying or hanging out with bad friends, "bad influences"

 

Both very close to family and certain friends.

 

Share movie interests.

 

Both very sensitive and emotional people. Intuitive.

 

Neither of us like to upset others. People pleasers.

 

 

 

So yeah, we are alike in many ways. But VERY different in alot of others.

[Aschleigh]

Rose21

It is not about how similiar or different your personalities are. It is about your interlocking issues.

Plus you are 19. I think this applies more later in life. You know how it just so happens that your best friend lives accross the street when you are 4.

Being 19 isn't that much different. Depending and where you live and how much life you have lived in 19 years and how far away from your family you are .

 

You may be have had a very small pool of boyfriend applicants. In your town, the right age, acceptable to your parents and society, at school with you, not married already, etc..

You say you are very dependent, so you need to be with someone who is ok with that.

So realistically of everyone you know , how many men have all those characteristics?

And were single when you were looking for a boyfriend?

And still I'll bet that the longer you go with this particular boyfriend the more your interlocking issues come up. But they come up faster as we get older and commitment becomes a real issue.

You may have relatively few issues at all. You may not be aware of them until you are.

Awareness helps.

[Rose21]

Well I've had lots of boyfriends, and all of then were horribly matched with me and awful.

 

I have met the one now that I plan on being with the rest of my life.

[Rose21]

And I am aware of my issues, I'm working on them and getting better.

 

Nobody can say otherwise that my boyfriend and I's relationship will not work out.

 

I've dated a variety. Some 6 yrs older.

 

Nobody knows but us. And I know it will last

[D_Lish]

I would say that people seem to attract those that mirror what is familiar to them, particularly what happened when they were little...

 

Hmm, for some reason I've always attracted cheaters....

However, my dad was a serial 'cheater'....

 

I attract, everything my dad was and everything I loathe!

 

Why, I have no clue?

 

So if you have a relationship problem, it's because you have that problem too or a related problem that works with your partners problem

 

So cuz my H was a cheater, means I am a cheater??? Err wrong. As stated above, Im not a cheat and have never cheated.

 

However, I enabled him to cheat and because I forgave and forget, two of his infidelities. The third and final time he left of his own accord....but if he hadn't left, I'd have thrown him out anyway.

[D_Lish]

And I have to add, that I and my current guy are so much NOT alike.....

[Sparkle]

I think that we all go through stages in life.

 

I think it would be a very lucky person to never go through a period of bad self esteem, a bad time, bad relationship break up, or other issues in life that cause us to be perhaps a bit lower in ourselves than we would usually be.

 

I also think that there is some merit in looking to how things were when we were most secure, whether that was in childhood ( our dad or mum) or later in life when we meet someone who is understanding and kind.

 

I dont think that we necessarily seek out people like us, but i do think that we do seriously consider their core values, in the long run, and that can be a dealbreaker for some.

 

And while a predator or an opportunist might prey on a sweet, kind woman, that same woman will walk away as soon as she sees this in them - IF she is of strong enough character.

However, in the other's defense, sometimes these traits are not so readily identifiable.

 

This is another issue that seems to be very common. We can sometimes blind ourselves with the initial stages of love that someone is someone else, to find later that they have a totally different set of morals and values.

 

There are so many reasons for making mistakes, and life is about making mistakes, how on earth else would we learn?? The lessons may be very painful, but do usually, in the end, have some gain. Although that gain may take a long time to see.