Girlfriend's Mom took her to a Sex shop...

[itsallgrand]

Oh LORD. LOL.

 

Your poor girl!! My mom is the same way - she really wants to be my best friend, rarely a mom.

 

Talks inappropriately about sex to me, does weird crap like this (wanting to buy me a 'sexy' outfit and talk about my sex life). Since I was 14 she's been asking me "So, are you having sex yet? Why not?"

 

Even describing her sex life to me GRAPHICALLY.

 

That cured the teenage humping hormones. lol.

 

I don't know what to say. I'm pretty brutal and direct with my mom when she starts it now.

 

Guess it hurts her feelers a bit...but ...too bad! I got sick of playing the grown up. She's an adult, if she wants to let her feelings get hurt by something as silly as that (tries to pull the guilt trip), let her.

 

I steer my mom to more wholesome activities to share. LOL. Wholesome isn't really her thing...but we actually have developed a much better relationship this way by doing things like boat rides, camping, skating etc . and she has learned that I love her regardless.

 

I feel her pain!! Really, I do.

[doyathink]

I don't know...some mom's FEEL that they have that kind of open relationship with their daughters. Some dads do to. I'm realllly close to my daughter, and we talk about almost everything. But I couldn't feel relaxed enough to take her to that kind of store.

[jengh]

Okay, I love my mom, she's my friend and all that but it STOPS when sex talk/shop is involved.

 

How incredibly awkward. I would crawl into a hole and die if my mom did that.

 

I remember I was with my best friend and her mom I think last year and we were headed back to her mom's house for something. We were approaching the sex shop and her mom asked if we wanted to stop and that she'd buy us each something No thanks.

[tiredofvampires]

Allright... just as I predicted, her Mom just called here to ask how she likes her toy.

 

And what did your gf say? (Assuming it's still in the bag?)

 

Are you partial to any erm...special stimulation? Because if so, maybe she should say, "I dunno yet on my end, but he's rather had a good time with it!" That should close the case, don't you think?

 

Nah, just kidding...

 

Seriously though, something similar happened to me not long ago. I was with my friend who has a son just few years younger than you, and she wanted to show me around this sex shop. So while we're there, she was getting into all this merchandise...(I was more in there to humor her, actually)...and then picks up her cell and calls her son, sayinig, "Hey, guess where I am!", then laughs and chats a bit and says, "You want me to pick you up anything?"

 

Then she hung up and told me how her son loves this place. Ohhhh-KAY!

 

It just left me with a kind of weird feeling, but wasn't sure what to make of it, because my parents raised me with some pretty bizarre, over-the-top over-sexualized "education." And I didn't want to project my sense of ickiness onto her, but then again, I just thought, this is just not my idea of cool. Stop trying to be a cool mom, to this extent.

 

It's not as bad as your situation because she didn't buy him anything and they weren't there together, but then again, this was her son, not a daughter (a daughter being less taboo.)

 

You always have the option of course of not using it...if it's that charged (no pun intended)

 

But I would say, if her mom's feelings were hurt, clearly not enough to let the subject drop, since she is still trying to investigate, right?

 

If I were your gf, I'd just politely tell her that it's really something she doesn't feel that comfortable discussing. I don't think that's hurtful. I think her mom is acting pretty insensitively about this, she should have picked up on the uncomfy vibes when your gf said it was awkward. The whole thing smacks of invasiveness. Even just on a gift-giving principle in general...do you buy someone an ornament and ask, "So how're you liking the vase?" But this???!

[chocolates]

Allright... just as I predicted, her Mom just called here to ask how she likes her toy.

 

 

Oh. My. God.

 

You know, that is bordering on kind of perverted isnt it? I mean she may have been young when she had your girlfriend but she is STILL her mother.

 

I think you need to put your foot down here.

 

What, is she going to start giving *tips* as well???

 

Oh its starting to get sick.

[KnitKitten]

I see an awful lot of judgment going on....Rather than "judge" the mother, my thought is that Sophie's reply pretty much was the most helpful so far.

The OP asked if we had any insight as to how his gf should act if she truly hurt the mother's feelings....Sophie was the kindest and most helpful.

 

Just my thoughts....

 

KK

[HellFrost666]

I see an awful lot of judgment going on....Rather than "judge" the mother, my thought is that Sophie's reply pretty much was the most helpful so far.

The OP asked if we had any insight as to how his gf should act if she truly hurt the mother's feelings....Sophie was the kindest and most helpful.

 

Just my thoughts....

 

KK

 

I agree. You are actually the second person to point the out. The first person pointed it out in a PM. I wasn't going to say anything until I saw this post:

 

Oh. My. God.

 

You know, that is bordering on kind of perverted isnt it? I mean she may have been young when she had your girlfriend but she is STILL her mother.

 

I think you need to put your foot down here.

 

What, is she going to start giving *tips* as well???

 

Oh its starting to get sick.

 

Lay off, seriously. No it's not perverted. Strange, yes, not perverted.

 

I know her and her Mom talk about sex. I am sure her Mom has given her a tip or two. When my girlfriend lost her virginity the first people she told were her Mom and sister.

 

When her Mom and stepdad had their 5 year aniversary her Mom wanted some elegant Boudoir photos taken of herself in lingire. But she didn't want a stranger to take them, so she had my girlfriend take them.

 

I know a lot of people might read this and think "Well then what was the big deal?" Well the big deal was, as I stated in my first post, that my girl thought she hurt her Mom's feeling by saying it was awkward.

 

And you think I need to put my foot down??? Why? It's not my place. I am not controlling, never have been, never will be. And my girl didn't know that's where they were going when she left with her Mom. She just thought they were going shopping. So the next time her Mom calls and asks her to go somewhere you expect me to say "No, you aren't allowed to go with her because you guys might end up back at the sex shop."

 

I don't think so.

[HellFrost666]

And what did your gf say? (Assuming it's still in the bag?)

 

Are you partial to any erm...special stimulation? Because if so, maybe she should say, "I dunno yet on my end, but he's rather had a good time with it!" That should close the case, don't you think?

 

Nah, just kidding...

 

 

This had me laughing so hard. Then I showed it to her and she about shot coffee through her nose. She was like "Yea Mom... He won't put it down! He's in the bedroom using it right now. He hasn't even left the house all weekend except to run to the store and stock up on Double A batteries. Thanks, now he probably won't ever touch me again!"

 

And yes, actually. The toy is still in the bag. Good Guess. It's sitting in our bedroom closet.

[15 Storeys High]

She just wanted to bond with her daughter in a "fun" way, something different, a different kind of closeness. That was her interpretation of fun. Some mothers and daughters have relationships like that, they talk about their sex lives, they go to male strip shows together...blah blah blah. If the daughter was uncomfortable then she should suggest another shopping trip and steer it towards clothes and the like rather than more intimate issues. If she thinks she hurt her mothers feelings then she should try to make up for it in some way.....spend some time with her, outright apologise and explain or something.

[tiredofvampires]

This had me laughing so hard. Then I showed it to her and she about shot coffee through her nose. She was like "Yea Mom... He won't put it down! He's in the bedroom using it right now. He hasn't even left the house all weekend except to run to the store and stock up on Double A batteries. Thanks, now he probably won't ever touch me again!"

 

And yes, actually. The toy is still in the bag. Good Guess. It's sitting in our bedroom closet.

 

Yeah, hey, give mom a reason to regret ever doing that, as you knock yourself out! Haha. That should teach her a lesson not to go buying such things...you never know where they will end up. Or in whom. Haha, sorry, I'll stop it right now!!!

 

I think the thing is here, that most people don't have this kind of relationship with their mother, so it's hard to imagine feeling this to be at all a "kosher" situation. But when I read your OP, I was torn on it, to be quite honest, because being a bit off in left field myself, I wasn't sure that I was in a position to judge someone else's parent-child relationship and I really don't know how your gf is with her mom in general. From the sound of it, your gf doesn't feel comfortable either, about it, and it was weird enough for you to call it weird and say it sorta made you lose your "appetite"...so I think people were just responding to that, since even if they are close as mother and daughter, obviously this crossed some kind of line for your gf.

 

It's so hard to know what sort of relationship -- how open or not, how chummy or not -- someone's relationship is without more background.

 

I don't think it's a really big deal though. I still think that if her mom's feelings were hurt that much, she would have retreated from the matter, but she was still pretty inquisitive, so that indicated to me she wasn't seriously bummed about it.

 

And since they are open enough to talk and share about all these subjects, I think they would be close enough just to have a "Hey, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings, mom, I hope you understand" and "That's okay, no harm done" little exchange. Certainly, they are open enough for that?

[HellFrost666]

It's cool T. It wasn't you I was annoyed with. Just the people who are being judgmental toward her Mom. Saying her Mom is "sick" and "perverted" is pretty unconstructive advice.

[chocolates]

Oh god lighten up, I was being "tongue in cheek", meaning *joking*.

 

You obviously find the whole situation a little strange as well, or you wouldnt have made the post.

 

I just think the whole thing is inappropriate, and the only way to end it is for your gf to say straight out, that it isnt appropriate. It just needs to be said.

[chocolates]

It's cool T. It wasn't you I was annoyed with. Just the people who are being judgmental toward her Mom. Saying her Mom is "sick" and "perverted" is pretty unconstructive advice.

 

Its an opinion, and I was just saying how I felt at the time. I wasn't saying that *she* is perverted, as such, but that the situation is. or sounds at least a little twisted.

 

I'm sure the mother means well, but she is trying too hard, and there are plenty of other ways to fill the "mother" role.

[HellFrost666]

Oh god lighten up, I was being "tongue in cheek", meaning *joking*.

 

You obviously find the whole situation a little strange as well, or you wouldnt have made the post.

 

I just think the whole thing is inappropriate, and the only way to end it is for your gf to say straight out, that it isnt appropriate. It just needs to be said.

 

I am not saying I don't think it's strange, but statements attacking her are uncalled for. And I honestly didn't get the impression you were joking, but if you were then I am sorry I misread.

[chocolates]

I am not saying I don't think it's strange, but statements attacking her are uncalled for. And I honestly didn't get the impression you were joking, but if you were then I am sorry I misread.

 

I wasn't attacking her> If you look at the other posts there are a lot of ppl turned off by the whole story, its just that I unfortunately was the one who verbalised it the most strongly.

 

I don't know, I just find the whole idea of a mother trying to be *cool* just irritating or something.

 

Also I just think that a mother CAN be a daughters *best friend*, but its a unique kind of friendship, and is not like that of peer based *best friends*, that is a friendship you would have with girls your own age.

 

And I just think that this kind of sexual information *intimacy* between them is just squeamish, and your gf really needs to speak up about it. I mean just saying "You are my mother, and my best friend (if thats the case), but because you are my mother

 

I dont know

[Catdancer]

I'm a little late in answering here, but what is wrong with two ADULT women discussing sex?? My mom and I are very very open with each other and we discuss very personal things with each other. Sex is just one of those things. When I was in my teens my mom and I talked, not as openly as we do now, as I was at the age and maturity level where it was weird, gross, and awkward. Now, I'm 34 and my mom is my role model. She is amazing and we have a relationship that most people envy. Sex is a healthy and normal part of life and I feel sorry for those women who are too backward or ashamed to talk about it, especially to the woman who gave birth to you. She's full of experience and knowledge.

 

To the OP...if your gf feels awkward, she should tell her mom that it makes her feel awkward. If her mom is this open minded then she should understand.

 

Good luck! Cat

[blue69]

Good points Cat...

 

The OP seemed to be merely asking for advise on how his girlfriend could best respond without hurting her mom's feelings.

 

I think one response (sophie274) was the best.

 

I give the mom kudos for trying. Communicating with a child is tough. Regardless what everyone else thinks that mother dynamic is between the two of them. Sounds like the daughter wasn't offended but was really more worried about how to tell her mom how she felt.

[greywolf]

I'm in a bit of a hurry so I haven't read all the responses. Someone may have said this, but I think her mom was just trying to be one of those 'cool moms' that can talk to their daughters about everything.

I don't think her mom did anything wrong, but I can understand the awkwardness.