exploding head Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I feel like im making progress in healing. I have an appointment with a psych. on Friday. Hopefully, I can get some sleep/anti-depressant meds. it will be good to actually talk to a professional about all thats happened in the last few months. I find myself seeing my ex for who she really is. It makes me angry that I ever got close to her. I really should have seen it from the start. All the red flags were there, but I just didnt see them. And Im feeling angry now. Angry at myself. Angry at her. It would satisfy me greatly to know she is in a lot of pain today. I havent spoken to her in 2 months. Don't know whats going on in her life and I dont want to know. I'm slowly getting to a place where I just dont care what she does. At the same time, I feel like wishing her nothing but pain. This is quite a change from how I was feeling. "please come back, I miss you, etc..." Now, I dont actually want anyone to hurt. But lately im having dreams about her getting into a car accident (which wouldnt surprise me with her driving) and she ends up horribly disfigured and an amputee. I go to the hospital room, tell her she deserved it, laugh and then I ask her if "Sloth wants a Baby Ruth?" There are other dreams too, but I think describing them might scare most people here. (pretty vivid and scary, even for me) I suppose this is a normal part of the healing process. Dont get me wrong, Im not wishing this on her. Does anyone think these dreams are normal right now? I feel kinda relieved that Im feeling something other than sadness. Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 lmao sloth want a baby ruth...hahaha dude enjoy the angry stage- you are halfway there... Link to comment
photogo Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Wow...I never been at an angry stage before. That is pretty powerful stuff you got going on. I dreamt my ex going out with some guy and being sweet lovey dovey to him (rarely sweet to me) then me and her are in bed cuddling back in love -______- Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Sloth wants a baby ruth? LOL>. Too funny. Yeah, I think it's normal. I had weird, angry dreams too early on. It faded with time, played itself out. I'd have dreams that I was going all martial on him, with crazy roundhouse kicks and everything. lol. Just strange stuff. One time, he was tied up and stuck in a room with me and I got to enact my revenge on him in the dream. It helped me, actually, in a way. Let me get in touch with some of the really raw anger that even I didn't want to see about myself. Who likes knowing that about themselves really? It's not pretty, but it's human. And too, it makes you realize that in the real world, your wish isn't really to hurt anyone. If the person was seriously injured, or died, or something really horrible, it wouldn't feel good to you. I guess in a very strange way it can bring you back to your compassion. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 I want her to suffer like I have. I'm kinda thinking that karmic retribution will eventually get her in the end. She hurt me bad. I know I did not deserve what she did. Link to comment
wizard71 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Ive had horrible dreams too, and the ones where it was all perfect again. Not sure which was worse Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I want her to suffer like I have. I'm kinda thinking that karmic retribution will eventually get her in the end. She hurt me bad. I know I did not deserve what she did. You'd better hope there's no such thing as "karmic retribution", because wishing disfigurement and life long disabilities on others is going to come back and bite you. For me, the anger stage was the very first stage I went through and it was pretty short lived and not too incredibly intense. I was angry at the situation and not really directly at my ex. I kind of wish it would come back, because I'm way more productive around the house when I'm angry. It may even be a benefit for me if I asked someone to get me angry before a vacuumed, then no inch of carpet would go untouched. Link to comment
ahop Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 I found out who my ex is dating now ( a guy I know ) and had a dream I ran into them at a pool party.. I was going off on my ex and I kept turning around to see him walking towards me. Then all of a sudden he comes up and grabs my head from behind... just as I felt it, I jolted and woke up. Needless to say it wasn't a good morning. Link to comment
COtuner Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Anger brought me bad karma.... I was utterly furious with him after our last fight (me submitting, him being aggressive) and was telling my best friend repeatedly I should leave him or that he should go find someone else. I didn't mean it - I was just really angry and regressing. Well, he (my ex not my best friend) left me suddenly, not too long afterwards. Karma happens. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 Yeah, I know it happens. I think that simply thinking or talking about it is different from actually wishing it on someone. For example, thinking about shoving her hands into a vat of liquid nitrogen and then smashing her fingers with a hammer is not the same as wishing it to happen. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 9, 2008 Share Posted September 9, 2008 Forgive me for this, but it reminds me of a Simpsons episode. Remember, when Homer was fantasizing about bringing Flanders down? He pictures him losing his business, laughs. He pictures him losing his house, laughs. He pictures him dead and Homer standing over his grave dancing or something... starts to laugh then thinks, Ehhh Too Far. LOL. That's how it was for me when fantasizing of revenge. The person had to be alive, because the whole weird-pleasure was in seeing the person acknowledge your power. When someone hurts you so bad, it can make you feel helpless to prevent such horrible things from happening. Like the person has snatched away, for a time, your feeling of a certain right to control and power in your life. Once you get that, it's a matter of taking back your own power and coming to terms with the whole deal. Anger is a normal part of it when someone imposes and hurts in such a place so close to your sense of self. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 For the first time, I actually feel good about the idea that I'll never talk to her again. I've had a number of other tragedies in my life recently. She was kind of the catalyst, so I see what you are saying. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 9, 2008 Author Share Posted September 9, 2008 dancing around.... "I am evil Homer, I am evil Homer" Link to comment
phoenixgirl Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 I was angry too last week. But after a couple of days i realized that being so angry and hateful was just not good for me. Link to comment
phoenixgirl Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 At least the anger stage is more fun than the sadness. I would just go with it because it's probably a sign you're moving along with healing, and as long as you're not really going to do anything scary to anyone who cares? Last week I was wishing for one of the hurricanes to hit my ex's state head-on. No such luck. I felt bad about it but I still get happy every time the Weather Channel reports they're going to have a rainy day. You've gotta celebrate something! Actually it's gonna rain there all week. Hahahahaha! You crack me up now girl Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Heres a little funny slice of Karma for you Exploding-i found out a couple of weeks back that my ex had gone away to Ibiza.....well, ive just found out that hes had food poisoning the whole time hes been there and couldnt wait to get home! Forgive me for letting out a rather large cackle! He treat me terribly and was a complete jerk to me, broke my heart so thank you karma i love you! Hehe! I had the funny dreams too i think theyre just something that happens when your brain is trying to deal with all the stuff thats gone on. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 I should start a thread about creative forms of revenge against our ex's. List em all! Link to comment
phoenixgirl Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Ok, for entertainment only. My confession: i hoped that she would cheat on him with a 20-year boy. That would really be karma, since he cheated on me with a 20-year old. LOL. But seriously, too much of this kind of imagination is not helping. Link to comment
Nearwater Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Okay, I am in. I want SO BAD for her to get DUMPEd badly by this married loser she is dating. Have him go back to his wife or better yet tell her he is busy some weekend and then bust him with some younger hottie. She has major issues with her age and skin and body and younger, prettier built girls make her crazy. When I get sad late at night I think of that, and then her grief overwhelming her as mine has me, and then have her start where I left off, with the needy texts, the heartfelt love poems, the outpouring of deep true love... Desperately trying to apologize and win me back... Anyway, I had anger a month ago, sadness seems to creep back in... enjoy it while it lasts. Link to comment
phoenixgirl Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Anyway, I had anger a month ago, sadness seems to creep back in... enjoy it while it lasts. That's true. I don't have much anger left. Only sadness. Link to comment
exploding head Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 ok, so revenge my ex gets both oral and rectal herpes. She gets her heart broken by someone even more shallow then her She loses her looks and has to depend on her "charming" personality Link to comment
Nearwater Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Nice, rectal herpes. But then if you made up... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.