Am I too mean?

[phoenixgirl]

I just found out that my exboyfriend of two years, who broke up with me about 3 months ago, is already living with a new girlfriend.

 

I saw their pictures posted online. They look pretty happy.

 

Some information says that they started living together about 1 week after we brokeup. Some other info says that they got toghther 2 months before we broke up. I don't know what to believe.

 

Anyway, I find myself obsessed with wishing that their relationship won't work out. And I serectly wish they will be unhappy together, sooner or later.

 

It's not that I still want him to come back to me. I don't trust him anymore. But it just drives nuts to think they are happy.

 

Maybe it's the bad feeling about being replaced so soon, or my ego. I tell myself to move on with my own life. But sometimes I just cannot help it.

 

Am I too mean?

[brokenheart1]

no it's okay to feel that way. i feel that way sometimes too but what I think you should do is just focus on your own happiness.

[HellFrost666]

No, you aren't too mean. What you're feeling is human nature.

[Gratsy]

NO, you aren't too mean. He's probably not happy- you never knwo.

[phoenixgirl]

I told him when I broke up "I will always care about you. If you find a girl that makes you happy, I will be happy for you". I guess I over-estimated myself.

[Gratsy]

He might not be happy- you never know. But you need to move on.

[arwen]

I think very few people would feel unaffected by this. It's a slap in the face, and it's natural to wish they'd break up. He may seem happy, but you'll be happier.

[lapseinjudgement]

haha yep guilty of the same thoughts

[Dragunov-21]

I told him when I broke up "I will always care about you. If you find a girl that makes you happy, I will be happy for you". I guess I over-estimated myself.

 

I think everyone goes through that at some point lol, the important thing is for you to hide it, and *seem* like the noble one =P

[thejigsup]

Always try to be the bigger person, even if that means going against your instincts. I'm not a big believer in karma, but when I act generously with my feelings and reactions, I feel better about myself and more people admire me. And that's really nice. Wish them well and get on with your life. Wishing someone heartbreak is not nice. Do you really want to be like him?

[phoenixgirl]

Do you really want to be like him?

 

Hmm, that makes sense.

[phoenixgirl]

I am having a hard time sleeping these days.

 

Anyway, more to confess. My ex-bf never had myspace before. So I never bothered to look. Then one day last week, I suddenly had this impulse to google his nickname, and I found his myspace, and then his current gf's. At first I could only tell that they were together (no later than) about one week after we broke up.

 

Then next day I saw her blog. She mentioned something about being with him about 2 months before we broke up. That really shocked me, since I always trusted him. And he always claimed that he would never cheat. I was shaking when I read her blog.

 

Then stupid me sent him an email and called him liar. I think at least he should have had the decency to tell me the truth when we broke up.

 

The next day she added a lot of stuff on her myspace, like "I am the girl you will never be", and she bragged about how happy they are, how much they love each other, and how blessed that they found each other. I think it's to show me, since she quoted my words from my email.

 

I never went to their myspace again.

 

I also think God led me to their myspace just to show me what kind of person he actually was. Otherwise I will still be hoping that one day we will be back together. I am not a religious person, but sometimes, you have to believe.

[phoenixgirl]

I know what you are going through. My ex is not living with his new woman yet (as far as I know, but it's probably coming up) but he was with her RIGHT after me and possibly even before I was broken up with him. It hurts like hell and you just want the new relationship to fall apart. I am constantly wishing for this, even though he was a jerkologist and was so not right for me.

 

Do NOT EVER look at his stuff or hers on Myspace or Facebook. It will only lead to heartbreak. I'm avoiding that stuff because I figure there are oh-so-happy new romantic photos on there. My theory is he's doing it just to hurt me and to make others think he's oh so cool and popular. It's all so immature.

 

Good luck to you. I know where your heart is exactly.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Actually we did have some problems. He smoked too much, soooo stubborn, and terrible credit problem (he was trying to apply for bankruptcy), sweet in words but seldom really did anything for me.

 

And now he's the "best man in the world" acccording to her in her blog.

 

I will not go to their myspace again. I've had enough.

[jasper01]

It rarely works out when a relationship begins with the betrayal of a third party.

 

I have seen this hold true in my life and others.

[phoenixgirl]

 

 

Maybe she's a brat. Do all 20-year-old girls act like that these days? He's 30. So the mean side of me really wants to say that he's her sugar daddy now.

[imwaytoopolite]

Well the sugar daddy thing is possible! Ten year age difference is a lot, especially at those ages. I don't know how old you are and I don't want to insult you, but to me 20 is YOUNG and still fairly clueless. Definitely an age when one can still latch on immediately and believe someone has ridden in on the white horse and is ready to "save" one's life so it can now be perfect. And believe me the more someone builds something up to convince oneself it's perfect and ideal, the more it's gonna hurt when reality hits and the world comes crashing down. The more I think about it the more it seems doomed. I don't want to get your hopes up or anything, because I know reality is mean. But they probably won't work out.

[broken-hearted]

Hi, well regarding the feelings, dont worry its totally normal, my ex broke up with me in exactly the same manner your did. They are engaged right now and there is a 17 years age difference, so i say to my self that its gonna crumble down at some point. But i have realised that us sitting and waiting for it to happen, does not change a thing in their relationship, rather it stoppes us from moving forward!! i still think about her constantly even though i would not take her back if she came back, and its been over 9 months now!! my issue is that i will never forgive her for what she did, and that is somehow difficult to live with, but i have chosen that forgivness can justify the crime sometimes!!! My advice is move on, keep away from facebook and other similar pages. If someone looks at my face book now or even after the break-up, they would think i was having the best time of my life!!!

[phoenixgirl]

I just want to thank you all for reading and replying here. Maybe this forum has some magic. Last night after I confessed here, I felt so much better. I actually had a 7-hour sleep for the first time in days.

 

And reading Yellow Sweater's post helped a lot.

 

I am going to the gym now. You all have a great rest-of-Sunday.

[phoenixgirl]

Today I find myself not so resentful. It still hurts. But I remind myself that I always wanted him to be happy. Of course he's not the same person that I remembered. I don't know what part of him that I remembered was true. Anyway, none of my business now.

[phoenixgirl]

Feeling pretty down now. I just wrote some self-pity stuff to a friend I IM with on this forum. Let me also post them here.

 

I deleted all the emails and IM conversations right after we broke up 4 months ago, and deleted his phone number from my cellpone contact. But as you can understand, I remember his email address and phone number like they are engraved in my brain. I still have some pictures in my computer. I just can't let myself look at them. (it also eats me to see he took so many of pics for her, which is something he never did for me. I guess he really loves her)

 

I still kept some things he sent me (like the flowers, they are dried flowers now), some messages in my answering machine, and some jewelries (not expensive). Last week after i found out those myspace stuff, I finally listened to those messages for the last time and erased them, and threw those dried flowers to trash can. As to those jewlries, I don't know how to deal with them. I am not wearing them anymore that's for sure. It was so emotional when i listened to and erased those messages.

 

I changed some email passwords recently (this has nothing to do with him), and it's funny to see myself keep using the old passwords. It takes me weeks to erase my memory of bunch of old passwords, and took him less than a week to erase me. Ironic.

 

This evening i saw the rock band II commercial. I bought him rock band last year as christmas gift. He always tries to get the lastes video game stuff. I guess now he will toss the old one and get the new game. And I am just like the old game to him.