She's not coming back, theres someone else now

[Tears May Fall]

So after being broken up for 8 months, last night i finally called my ex back and told her everything I had to tell her. I told her that all those clouds in my head and all my issues I had been having, Ive resolved and see things a lot more clear now, that Im not the selfish, narcissistic jerk I was before and that I dont wanna mix thoughts of being single and being in a relationship anymore, and that I decided that she was the one I wanna give my all to, because she means the world to me and no other girl could even come close to giving the feeling I get when Im around her.

 

I did know all this in the past when I was with her, this is how I felt, but I was in a constant battle with myself about feeling too young to be tied down, wanting to go out with friends to clubs every weekend, etc and it would make me not completely happy in the relationship and so I would treat her selfishly sometimes because of such. She suffered a lot in the relationship, it was always about me, and that I wanted something right then and there. Although I tried to see things her way, it always ended up being about what I wanted.

 

These are the areas where I knew I had to grow up, and she couldn't fix it, I had to do it on my own. I was mature enough to realize that and I broke it off. So i spent the last 8 months working on all this, getting the single life enjoyment outta my system, learning to be more accepting of things the way they are, figuring out responsibilities, and figuring if I really do want to settle down into a relationship or not at this point in my life.

 

SO last night when I finally told her everything and that I really want to give this another shot, she said she doesnt love me like that anymore, and that she is seeing someone right now who treats her very nicely and accepts her for who she is (something I didnt quite exactly do - once again my immaturity). I tried and begged and did everything I could to make her try to believe again, to give it a chance, to find a place deep down in her heart to love again, but she said sorry she cant do that. That since the night that I told her two months ago when she came over one time, that I didnt think we were compatible and that we have many differences, that she took that as an indicator to move on and that this wasnt going to work again. I only said that because thats what I felt, it wasnt what I wanted, but I didnt feel as though I was 100% certain to be back in the relationship again. I was afraid of it not working out because I didnt feel like I had accomplished what I needed to, I was still confused and uncertain, and I didnt wanna give her any false sense of hope. We hung out a few times after that too (as recently as a month ago), and everytime, it felt so right, like this is the way it shouldve been, we would get physical and we even talked about how we still love each other and this and that, and that despite dating new people, no1 still compared (only about 5 weeks ago).

 

So now I dont regret whats going on, because if I told her earlier that I felt this way still and wanted to get back with her and make it work, it wouldn't have been 100% certain, it wouldve been my loneliness and heart speaking and not my mind. I wanted to be certain this is what I wanted, and that I could make it work and so I waited until I felt I had no uncertainty in my mind and heart. I guess I waited too long, but it is what it is. I cried my heart out last night, I feel like im at the bottom of the ocean, I feel miserable, and I dont know what to do at all. Im saying to myself "its okay, you have to accept it for what it is, timing is everything, and maybe this might provide closure"

 

But as much as I say that to myself, Im still hoping that she picks up the phone and calls me and says she would like to give it another try too and that she still feels it. I dont want to give myself false hope, but I cant control what my heart feeling. She asked if we could still be friends, and I told her very clearly NO, that there was no way I could be just your friend. Her voice got very mellow at that point but that doesn't really matter. I just dont know what to do or feel right now. Just needed to talk to someone...

[annie24]

hey - sorry about things. i guess this just comes down to bad timing. it happens. i say take your newfound knowledge and meet another girl you'd like to have a relationship with. good luck

[civilservant]

Oh mate I feel for you, I really do. Sometimes we don't realise what we've got until its gone, and she really has. I think youve done the right thing refusing to be friends, and its time to start NC and maintain it. Itll take time, and it'll be hard, but you'll get over her.

 

Your friend

CS

[tina-rocks]

I am really sorry that you have finally gotten to that point in life where you could have a real commitment in a relationship with her only for her to turn you down.

 

The only comfort is she did not say she was in love with this other person but that he was really nice to her. Maybe she still loves you but you hurt her so much she is protecting herself.

 

I know you are feeling really low about this right now but my advice is to leave it now up to her. She is with someone so you must keep away and allow that to reach it's course. To interfere with her new interest would be wrong as I'm sure you know.

 

Wait and see what happens, in the meantime try to put yourself out there with your friends and family. Those who love you so it will take your mind of her.

 

I hope you work everything out

 

Take care!

[Tears May Fall]

It took me so much hard work over the past 8 months to come to this point, to work on myself and find ways to grow up and realize things, and I didnt want to force anything upon myself, I wanted to let time do its thing and let me realize for myself what it is that I want and feel. To be completely shut down (didn't really see this coming at all), im just lost all over again. I dont know how to move on at this point because im still stuck on her and I dont want to bring someone new in my life and not be able to give them a clean slate.

 

Thanks for your help guys, and yes, you dont know what you got till its gone, but in this case I knew what I had all along, I just didn't want to be in until I was ready to be the man she wanted me to be. It took alot of time and work for me to get to this point but I guess ill take this experience into my book and let time do its thing.

[l0velife]

My ex boyfriend was like this towards me. He didn't want to feel tied down etc so he broke up with me, told me it would be best if I didn't call him or text him. At that point I was bawling wondering what I could have done wrong to have someone I love and someone I thought loved me-break up with me out of nowhere and tell me to have no contact with him what so ever.

 

I told him I couldn't do it. I wanted to do whatever I could to be with him but he was too busy thinking about himself and wanting to explore other girls-I knew he had an interest in one girl but I didn't see it happening..I didn't see her going for him.

 

Anyways- I waited for him for a while-thought he would come back to me asking for me but he didn't. I was vulnerable and he knew I was waiting. I guess it boosted his ego to have a girl wanting/waiting for him. I thought I still loved him even though he didn't have the decency to even look/talk to me. I didn't wait long..while waiting however long it was...I had a lot of time to think. I thought I was the biggest idiot-waiting for some guy who broke my heart and told me to not contact him after being together a year or more.

 

He broke up with me and hung up as soon as he could-he hurt me and didn't bother to try to break it off easily. After a lot of thinking I was over him...so done with him and tired of being taken for granted.

 

I found a new guy and we were so happy. After my ex saw me with this new guy and I saw him with his new girlfriend (not flattering, not nice, not really anything) he started talking to me-telling me he wanted me back and he loved me and he was just confused at the time blah blah blah. I told him I was over waiting especially for someone who didn't respect me enough to let me off easily instead of throwing me out the door and never looking back.

 

I thought he was my first love and maybe he was but I'm over him. I asked myself so many times if I would take him back and every time I thought about it my heart never felt right--it just felt like it was in the past and not worth trying to work out again.

 

You can't someone for granted. They know when you do..everytime you don't say thank you for something or tell them how much you appreciate them..they know if you take them for granted or not. When a guy/girl realizes that they are pretty much done with. Everyone wants to be with someone who gives them their all everyday..not lay at their feet and pamper 24/7 just someone whos there to say your amazing, great, so good to me, thank you for this and that etc.

 

You took this girl for granted. She realized that and now she's with someone who doesn't.

 

I know it sucks. There's not much you can do. You can wait for her but she might only contact you when something goes wrong in her love life.

 

If she said no then it's no for now.

 

If she hasn't called you yet...dont sit there and wait for her call.

 

Go out and meet new people to keep you occupied. If your busy time will go by faster and she could call you and throw you off guard/which will make you excited that it's something unexpected instead of something you've been laying around doing nothing waiting for.

[Tears May Fall]

 

The only comfort is she did not say she was in love with this other person but that he was really nice to her. Maybe she still loves you but you hurt her so much she is protecting herself.

 

I know you are feeling really low about this right now but my advice is to leave it now up to her. She is with someone so you must keep away and allow that to reach it's course. To interfere with her new interest would be wrong as I'm sure you know.

 

 

I wouldnt know if shes in love, but the fact that we hung out just 5 weeks prior to this, and she was acting around me like she still wanted to be with me, but just wasnt sure, it would make it very strange to go from that to completely out of it (with me) in a matter of weeks but im not saying anything is impossible. This girl really really loved me with all her heart.

 

She said that HE was the one who has really been showing her a lot of interest and been treating her good, and she said she is finally opening up herself to new people in her life. She spoke nothing of her interest/feelings in him. Maybe you are right, she might be just protecting herself from being afraid of being hurt from me again. She has every right to.

 

And no I would never try to come in between her, im not that type of person, I'll just begin NC and keep it going, if anything changes, its only on her call at this point. I atleast said what I had to say, its her choice how she will take it.

 

Thanks for your help tina

[poloace]

so, here's my advice. and, understand that i'm coming from a relationship of 3 years that she ended with me 1 month ago.

 

at first... very hard. very hard. even thinking of her with someone else ( i don't know if that's really the case or not ) - makes me upset. however, i've been hitting the gym more, flirting when i'm out, and have been accepted well by the single women of the town. so, here's my feeling... a lot of what we go through are the memories that we made and shared with these individuals. but, those individuals that broke our hearts are people we probably met out at some point and allowed to get close to us. you'll love and be loved again. don't sweat it. i came to the realization that this girl is not for me. she's a beautiful woman who used to model... but, there's SO much more to a person than beauty.

 

there are so many chicks out there. dime a dozen. sure, the good ones are hard to find. but, a good guy is even harder to find. my advice... make yourself better. you'll end up dating someone who you thought was unattainable and be very happy after you start seeing your progress in your life as separate from the other person..

 

hang in there!

 

p

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I doubt very much that she is in love with this guy...but you hurt her so badly, continually rejected her, even 5 weeks ago, that she finally made up her mind to put you in the past and see if she can make a go of it with somone else. It is early days with that someone else so it could still swing either way...she could mull over what you said and want to try again with you, or she could have had enough and is not willing to give another chance. Who knows. While it is important to have an attentive, kind, partner, that doesn't mean that chemistry and love will necessarily follow. Right now she is caught up in the novelty of someone being nice to her...it may or may not translate into love..only time will tell. You learned some very important lessons from this and that will serve you well whether you ultimately end up with her or with someone else. In relationships you always have to consider the other person as well.

[tina-rocks]

You are being really brave about this and I commend you for it.

 

Take heart in the fact that she has not said yet she loves this guy only that he is really good to her. Not love but good. Keep that in mind it should help you understand where she is coming from I think.

 

Give it time as I know you will and things will work out I'm sure. You both had a strong love for each other which can sometimes be rekindled. Not saying this is always the case but I really think there maybe some hope left for you. At this stage only time will tell.

 

I'm here if you want to talk.

 

Tina x

[Tears May Fall]

Yeah Im trying to understand that and keep strong, keep myself busy and distracted from the thoughts of it....but nonetheless, the thought of her being with someone else is still killing me :sad:

[ponder36]

Hey! I am going through the same now. I love this girl that i have dated since nov. 06, lived with for 1 year, broke up and re-connected. then she broke it off 2 1/2 weeks ago out of no where.

Things were great the 2nd time around. Tells me that she falls deeper in love with me every day. a spark has re-ignited, we are growing together as one. Talked about getting married in two years. Then 12 days later, drops the 'something does not feel right.' needs a week to see if she misses me enough. tells me there is no spark, she does not have fun and i don't make her laugh. Which is all not true. I asked her if there was someone else, she told me no. There was someone after the first break up but he lied to her about breaking up w/ his gf.

Tells me that I am amazing and she does love me but that she is not attracted to my personality. Then sends me an e-mail

"thank you for all of your care and concern. You are truly an amazing person and I will miss our times together. I really am confused about my life in so many respects and I just need this time to step back and re-evaluate everything. I'm not saying that there will be no future with us, but I cannot commit 100% now. I hope you understand"

I am 36, she is 25. we meet when she was 23. maybe she is too young and inexperienced for a real commitment. maybe she found someone and can't break my heart again.

I am really struggling with this one. It hurts so much to be in love with some one and have that person fall out of love with you.

I to keep thinking about her being with someone else. and the worst part is that if it is the case, it would be one of two guys that i know. I just hope that is not the case. But then I really need to feel that she will never come back. Very hard losing someone you invested your whole being to.

I am afraid I will never get to feel that love I feel for her again with anyone else.