Friends GF screwing around

[george237]

Backround: friend ® was married, divorced, and has a kid from his ex. When he married her everyone knew is was a horrible mistake but nobody said anything to him. Fastforward to today. He is dating an old fling ,(S) that he was on and off with for years. Now S is a knockout but also one of the biggest flirts you can imagine and R is just an average joe. Problem is she goes out everyweekend with her single girls and has pictures of her dancing with guys all over the websites of the clubs she goes to. She tells R that she is only dancing and of course he believes her. There is even a picture of some guys kissing her neck.

 

Now here's the thing I didn't really care that they were dating because I figured he just liked having her on his arm but now they bought a house last week and he has told me he is going to propose. I need to say something this poor kid has gone through too much already and doesn't need another divorce.

 

My question is what the hell do I say. I know there is a pretty good chance it will ruin our friendship but I am willing to take that risk. Oh also his GF hates me because I was talking to my ex (friends with S) about how much of a flirt she is and ex told S. Now S gets mad at R whenever I'm with him.

[SapphireNoir10]

how much concrete evidence do you have on the matter? Id you dont have real proof your risking a lot.

 

I dont know, its tricky, guess you gotta look at your morals and values, weigh up the pros and cos of telling and go from there.

[george237]

I don't have a used condom but everyone knows whats going on and I am clueless how he doesn't. She goes out every Friday and stays overnight most times. And the pictures I see on the internet are like she is almost fing these guys on the dance floor.

[SapphireNoir10]

Wellll show him the pics? and let him make his mind up? If he wants to be with a girl like that, his bad!

[george237]

He's already seen them. That's why I want to talk some sense into him.

[ImThatGirl]

He has seen pictures. He knows.

 

He's choosing to ignore it.

 

Sometimes, people choose to ignore the facts even though they are clear.

[Snoopy24]

so all you know is she goes out dancing and flirts with guys? It seems he knows, and doesn't have a problem with it if he saw the pics...

[george237]

I am going to feel horrible not saying anything a year from now when she leaves him. He is so damn stupid and blinded by her beauty. She has complete control over the poor kid and everytime he questions her actions she gives him some bs excuse.

[jettison]

Don't do it. This isn't your place. Let your friend make his own mistakes if that's what it is. You may think that he's just being naive, but you may be surprised that he knows what he's signing up for. He's obviously really attracted to someone that would openly flirt with other guys and might hurt him. He chose her after all.

 

What if he did break up with her, got involved with "a good girl", married her, and then later realized that he was bored, not in love, had made a mistake.... he'd end up in the exact same place. As these boards clearly demonstrate, there aren't any guarantees in relationships. Unless she's cheated on him already, this is a hands-off situation.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Its none of your business

 

He is aware of what is going on - its not like he's in the dark.

 

as his friend... the only thing you can do is ...support him with his choices- celebrate the ones that work out... and let him lean on you when they don't.

[george237]

Well I have no proof she has cheated on him but everyone who knows her is sure enough to put money on it.

[melrich]

Well I have no proof she has cheated on him but everyone who knows her is sure enough to put money on it.

 

You may be surprised. This is not something to put your nose into, not yet anyway. He already knows what you know.

[george237]

I guess I'll let it go but I know this is giong to turn horribly in the future.

[keenan]

I agree with the others. He's a grown man, he knows what he's getting into, and the knowledge is not stopping him. Also, I'll add that you're more valuable to him as a friend than as a protector. I don't think that your advice would be constructive at this point; it would only seems as though you're questioning his ability to live his own life.

 

His choices don't have to be your choices. Our friends' partners are often mysterious to us, but unless they're truly clueless about what they're walking into (not the case here, it seems), one of our jobs is to stand by them and let them live their own lives while being as supportive as possible, whether the chips are up are down.

[george237]

I agree with the others. He's a grown man, he knows what he's getting into, and the knowledge is not stopping him. Also, I'll add that you're more valuable to him as a friend than as a protector. I don't think that your advice would be constructive at this point; it would only seems as though you're questioning his ability to live his own life.

 

His choices don't have to be your choices. Our friends' partners are often mysterious to us, but unless they're truly clueless about what they're walking into (not the case here, it seems), one of our jobs is to stand by them and let them live their own lives while being as supportive as possible, whether the chips are up are down.

 

I know I wish I could just smack some sense into him.

[keenan]

I know I wish I could just smack some sense into him.

 

I suspect that she'll do that herself.

 

In a year or two you can let him sleep on your couch while the black eye mends.

[george237]

I suspect that she'll do that herself.

 

In a year or two you can let him sleep on your couch while the black eye mends.

 

yeah I know right. I just don't get how he can make such a stupid decission after going through this once already. Looks are everything, I would have kicked her to the curb a long time ago.

[kyriel]

Fact is by saying he's seen the pictures, you've already admitted to the fact that he won't listen to you. Follow me here. You have no evidence that he hasn't seen already other than a gut feeling. He doesn't have or is ignoring that gut feeling. You also (I know this burns a bit) may have to admit that you could be wrong here. She could just be outrageously outgoing and uses her flirting to channel it.

 

It does sound like she is on the fast track to sleeping around if she isn't already. BUT, you have no proof. That being said, he knows about what she has definitely done and is okay with it. Telling him what you suspect will come with these:

 

1) You are jealous of my happiness.

2) You want to have her yourself (you did say she was hot).

3) You probably tried something with her and she turned you down.

 

Or best case scenario possible

 

4) My past back luck is making you paranoid for me.

 

Other than number 4 coming up, you will lose a friend. At least temporarily. Just suck it up, keep quiet, and be there for him when/if this crashes and burns. Who knows, maybe him proposing will cause her to settle her wild oats. Or he'll get your couch like someone else already mentioned. LOL

 

Sorry, I know it sux.

[mikem]

You might consider having one last conversation with him. It sounds like he is going in with his eyes wide open. Talk to him one last time. If he doesn't take your advice, then he's accountable for what he heard. After that you did your job. It's ultimately his decision, even if it's the wrong one.

 

Keep your buddy in prayer...

[crosstownTraffic]

I'd do what the last poster suggested, have an honest sensitive conversation with him just for the gipper. If he's still gung ho on this babe, well, you gave it your best shot. I know you want what is best for him, and good on you for being a true friend, but some people will just not listen to reason, and your friend sounds a bit like this. Pray for him, it's about all you can do, after you speak to him.