I want him to ask

[ImThatGirl]

Sounds like you are on the right path though and that he accepts you for who you are which is great.

 

I can be a little cynical too. Maybe that comes after dating a felon. lol Me too... dated a guy without him telling me so. He seemed to be more than just the regular badboy so I did a search and seen his prison term information. I try to not be too cynical and moreso positive too... More aware and less gullible and then I feel better about future relations.. lol

[tranquil]

that's not within a week now is it?

 

and stuff like this is extremely rare to work out. probably like less than .05%

 

lol good point Just thought I'd throw something in haha

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Honestly, before you are ready to link yourself with another man I think you really need to work on your issues and sense of what is appropriate. You wanted to return a gift to him after you have had it for a while not thinking about the impact that would have on him. Now you want the fairy tale of him asking you to move in with you so you can get some kind of ego boost from this and feel all mushy inside because he wants to be with you...on the other hand, you say you are not ready and you would refuse him. How do you think that refusal would go down with him! You think HE would feel loved by you if he puts himself on the line and says lets move in...and you say no. It sounds to me like you are nowhere near a solid, healthy relationship with him because in healthy relationships it is not "all about me"...the other person's feelings have to be taken into consideration.

[Applewhite]

Wow, I think that's a bit harsh. My post never seriously states my intent to really return the gift, but rather reveals my initial feelings of anxiety and being worried because he spent so much on me. Never have I even mentioned it to him, and I probably never will. So you took my words and feelings in the worst way possible. The only feeling there was that I was worried he was spending so much to make me happy. It is not needed. I love him regardless.

 

About being selfish and wanting an ego boost. This is not true and yet again an unfair judgment. Again there is nothing I'm doing or saying to him, but I'm sharing with others what my feelings are, how much I want this and how scared I am. I think your comments were nasty and unnecessary.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Wow, I think that's a bit harsh. My post never seriously states my intent to really return the gift, but rather reveals my initial feelings of anxiety and being worried because he spent so much on me. Never have I even mentioned it to him, and I probably never will. So you took my words and feelings in the worst way possible. The only feeling there was that I was worried he was spending so much to make me happy. It is not needed. I love him regardless.

 

About being selfish and wanting an ego boost. This is not true and yet again an unfair judgment. Again there is nothing I'm doing or saying to him, but I'm sharing with others what my feelings are, how much I want this and how scared I am. I think your comments were nasty and unnecessary.

 

 

You may not be saying it...we feel a lot of things that we don't say. It is a person's thought processes which are very telling about a person even if they don't necessarily say anything. So while you may not be telling your boyfriend this, these thoughts are very much in your head and that is why you are coming here to ENA to figure out if you should or shouldn't act on your thoughts. While it is good that you haven't acted on them, our thoughts and notions certainly do come out in subtle ways in the relationship. For example, people who are passive aggressive will not yell at their partner, will not say no to their partner directly...BUT, they will act out in certain passive aggressive ways to frustrate their partner...but it is so subtle that the partner doesn't clue in so quickly...this way the Passive Aggressive person can come out looking like the calm, nice guy even though he is angry and hostile under the surface. I am not saying you are passive aggressive, I am simply using that as an example of how our thoughts and feelings can be acted out in less direct ways.

 

Purity of thought in your case would be for you NOT to hope that he asks you to move in given your ambivalence and desire not to. You should really be hoping that he DOESN'T ask you so that you will not have to make him feel bad when you show him your ambivalence and refuse his offer like you said you probably would.

[Applewhite]

I don't really see how my thoughts are bad or evil. And I don't understand how you concluded I don't want to move in with him. I want to. I've sated that. I am just scared. It's not that I don't want to. I'm not sure why you are pursuing your hateful manner, but you are wrong about what I want and how I act, not to mention not very helpful.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There you have it in bold so I am not talking out of nastiness, I am basing my posts on what you yourself have written about your feelings and your personality.

 

However, since you have been argumentative to other people on this thread as well, not just me, I will bow out of giving you any additonal feedback and leave it to the people who will tell you exactly what you want to hear.

[Applewhite]

There you have it in bold so I am not talking out of nastiness, I am basing my posts on what you yourself have written about your feelings and your personality.

 

However, since you have been argumentative to other people on this thread as well, not just me, I will bow out of giving you any additonal feedback and leave it to the people who will tell you exactly what you want to hear.

 

Learn to read a sentence in context please. In my own words, I say I'm very enthusiastic about this and I want it, but I am scared so I couldn't say yes. Not I don't want to say yes. I couldn't.

[ghost69]

so you just want him to ask to put your mind at rest and reassure yourself that he is that into you. even though you will pretty much not move in cause you are scared.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Learn to read a sentence in context please. In my own words, I say I'm very enthusiastic about this and I want it, but I am scared so I couldn't say yes. Not I don't want to say yes. I couldn't.

 

 

There is a world of difference between WANTING something and actually DOING something. The word "couldn't" in my mind, means that you can't thereforee you won't. It doesn't matter what you WANT...if you don't follow through and instead say you CAN'T, then the answer is NO. WANTING and actually saying YES are two different matters. What actually matters is what your ACTIONS will be...and from the word "COULDN'T" it sounds like your ACTIONS will be that you would tell him NO. So your FEELINGS of WANTING would not match up with your ACTIONS of saying NO...and for someone who asks you to move in with them and you say "I want to but no I couldn't" then that is a rejection no matter how much it is dressed up.

[Applewhite]

There is a world of difference between WANTING something and actually DOING something. The word "couldn't" in my mind, means that you can't thereforee you won't. It doesn't matter what you WANT...if you don't follow through and instead say you CAN'T, then the answer is NO. WANTING and actually saying YES are two different matters. What actually matters is what your ACTIONS will be...and from the word "COULDN'T" it sounds like your ACTIONS will be that you would tell him NO. So your FEELINGS of WANTING would not match up with your ACTIONS of saying NO...and for someone who asks you to move in with them and you say "I want to but no I couldn't" then that is a rejection no matter how much it is dressed up.

 

So other than insisting I don't REALLY want this, and all I really want is to reject him, do you have anything further to add? Thank you for your new insight but I don't think you are right and this is not helping me. Do you have anything more to say? If you will repeat the same insight, please refrain from doing so as it really is not helping me. Thank you

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

My head is now making a whirring sound- you've broken my head, thanks people. I admit I haven't slept well in a couple days; but this is the most brain melting thread I have ever viewed! hehe

 

In the interest of staying on topic, I will add this:

Give it time. Moving in with someone is an extremely huge decision. You are hesitant. That in itself is enough of an answer. Want whatever you want, but know that it's not wise to hand your future over to someone you don't fully trust yet.

 

Slow down. Enjoy him, be happy, communicate, get to know him.

[Applewhite]

Well he hasn't even asked yet! And I don't even know if he will anytime soon, maybe not.

 

I just wanted to share how much I want this. I think about it. Waking up together, getting ready to head out together, coming back home, watching TV on the couch, falling asleep together. We do most of these things anyway, but still its not the same as living together.

 

My confusion comes from the fact that as much as I want this badly, I am so scared of letting myself go like that financially and emotionally.

[ghost69]

you are in a huge rush for some reason. it's crazy.

[Catdancer]

Well he hasn't even asked yet! And I don't even know if he will anytime soon, maybe not.

 

I just wanted to share how much I want this. I think about it. Waking up together, getting ready to head out together, coming back home, watching TV on the couch, falling asleep together. We do most of these things anyway, but still its not the same as living together.

 

My confusion comes from the fact that as much as I want this badly, I am so scared of letting myself go like that financially and emotionally.

 

It all sounds so great. Read my latest thread for the freak out of moving in after living alone..lol. I cant even enjoy those things because I'm too busy not liking living with someone else! Ugh....It sounds romatic, and it will get to that stage for me, I'm sure....just right now....it sucks!! It's great to fantasize.....

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

mmhm. nvts nuts.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Wow...it doesn't sound like you want any advice or feedback from anyone because all you do is contradict previous posts and are argumentative insisting everyone has misunderstood you. I guess nobody will really be able to help you unless they pat you on the back and say good for you, think away.

[Applewhite]

Wow...it doesn't sound like you want any advice or feedback from anyone because all you do is contradict previous posts and are argumentative insisting everyone has misunderstood you. I guess nobody will really be able to help you unless they pat you on the back and say good for you, think away.

 

Well there's nobody else misunderstanding me other than you really... And clearly your aim is not to help or talk, as it is very clear from your last post. I asked you kindly to please not continue this way since it is simply wrongfully criticizing and not helping. I guess some people get a kick out of hurting and annoying others. Oh well...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Well there's nobody else misunderstanding me other than you really... And clearly your aim is not to help or talk, as it is very clear from your last post. I asked you kindly to please not continue this way since it is simply wrongfully criticizing and not helping. I guess some people get a kick out of hurting and annoying others. Oh well...

 

 

Actually, no, I don't get a kick out of hurting others...I am on this board to help people and to open their eyes to the possibility that perhaps they can view things differently that might help them get a handle on their fears etc. The people who tend to take offense at what I say tend to be the people who don't actually want help or any alternative ways of viewing their situation, they want to stick to their way of thinking even if it is ultimately driving them crazy. They would rather have their thoughts drive them crazy than be open to changing how they view a situation.

[Applewhite]

I am open to other ideas. Except you are giving me only ONE other idea, and continually insisting after I say thank you, but I don't think this is it.

 

You think I don't really want this, it's an ego boost for me, and I want to have the thrill of rejecting him.

 

I really find it odd that you keep posting with nothing else to offer. As in any case, you could be right, you could be wrong. I expressed my thought that I think your insight is wrong in this particular case. But I find it odd that you keep insisting and posting multiple times with the same idea. I wonder what's the motive. Especially since you declare that you don't get a kick out of hurting/annoying, attacking others.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I do feel as though there is a specific answer you want out of everyone. I don't think you're going to find it. People are just giving their insight.

 

Any idea of what you would like to hear? Think about it and you might answer your own quandry.

[Applewhite]

No such thing. I just don't think it's appropriate for someone to express an opinion over and over and over, even once they are told thank you, but that is not it, any other ideas? I especially question the intent since the opinion involves nasty things about my intent such as I am looking for an ego boost...