Is my friend acting sexually/romantically towards me?

[jerk chicken]

I have a friend who i met at my part time job, hes training to be a lawyer and is 5yrs older and mature for his age it feels like hes 35. His new job is near my house and he calls me everyday to meet before he gets the train. Now i am confused weather he likes me..i think every day is too much before this we only saw each other like once every 2months ouside of work. Also the other day he wanted 2 get food i said im not hungry so u shuld wait till u go home or get take out, he insited on going into a resturant but i made him get pizza to go because i thought it was inappropriate to sit down and eat toghether (i have a bf of 2yrs). He also got enough for me and refused to let me pay.

 

My bf doesnt really mind as he knows i like intelligent company n the guy is really intelligent and doesnt talk about rubbish, but bf says stuff like "why is X calling u so much!?" when he sees my call lists, X asks me how my bf is but when we meet I see him looking at my body and soemtimes he reaches for my hand I know he wants me to hug him when we see each other but I do not feel that comftable with him so I never do. The other day he saw me near my house, I pretended I didnt see him because I was with bf having an argument at that moment n it would be really awkard, X called my phone but I didnt pick up. He wrote me a facebok msg saying I saw you looking sexy in shorts near ur house but u didnt see me. Also when he txts he sometimes puts Kiss x at the end. Also when I havent spoken to him for ages he says "oh someone took my wife away from me haha" I laugh it off but now the stuff is adding up and im not sure if I am over reacting???????

What do u think? x

[Batya33]

I think he has more than platonic feelings for you and if you continue to hang out one on one with him you need to make it clear that it is friends only, that you are very happy with your boyfriend.

[orangesoda]

yeah, sounds like he's attracted to you and he's trying to force his way into your life through the 'just a friend' tactic (since you've got a BF and are technically unavailable).

 

this is how it generally works: he tries to spend more and more time with you, tries to get your trust, then when problems with the BF come up, he tries to be 'the shoulder to cry on', and then he slowly starts knocking your BF, bring him down, then the 'you deserve better' line, then when you're vulnerable, makes his move.

 

to be honest, i've seen this strategy work pretty well.

[Konyak]

yeah, sounds like he's attracted to you and he's trying to force his way into your life through the 'just a friend' tactic (since you've got a BF and are technically unavailable).

 

this is how it generally works: he tries to spend more and more time with you, tries to get your trust, then when problems with the BF come up, he tries to be 'the shoulder to cry on', and then he slowly starts knocking your BF, bring him down, then the 'you deserve better' line, then when you're vulnerable, makes his move.

 

to be honest, i've seen this strategy work pretty well.

 

Well, I was going to try to give some intelligent advice but you basically said everything.

[Gratsy]

OBVIOUSLY he is attracted to you. It might make things awkward, but just stop answering his calls etc and ignore him. He'll get a clue.

[DN]

Well, it seems he is pursuing you because you aren't really discouraging him. You allow him to increase the number of times you see him from once or twice a month to every day, you allowed him to pressure you into going to a restaurant and you allow him to hold your hand (if I read that right).

 

I think you need to be much more clear that you view him as a casual friend rather than someone that you might be interested in if you didn't have a boyfriend because that is what he seems to think. The comment he made about 'someone took away my wife' would have been a good time to have said "Hey, I know you meant that as a joke but it isn't really appropriate - especially since I have a boyfriend."

 

Sometimes you have to be assertive in setting boundaries. Tell him you value his friendship but you have a feeling he wants more - and that isn't going to happen so he needs to back off.

[Gratsy]

I agree. I think you need to be tough and firm...a little mean. Its not hard for me to get a guy to stop pursueing if I don't want him to. You just treat them coldly, you ignore them. If they say something inappropriate, you say curtly, "Thats not appropriate, I'm not interested in you. I have a boyfriend so please stop".

[agent1607307371]

He's after you. You need to stick some hard boundaries up.

 

Other than being single, I just had to drop someone I thought was a friend for pretty much the same thing. Nothing makes me angrier that someone trying to launch a date by stealth.

[jerk chicken]

No he hasnt held my hand he tries to but i pull it away, i did increase the number of times i saw him because he called so much i felt bad that he was coming past my place everyday, however i have told him that i couldnt make it some of the times.

He invited me to church last week but i actualyl couldnt go because i had really bad widsom teeth ache, but he wants me to go tommorw, I said i may come, he called my phone today while i was at work (and he did not have work near me) leaving a msg and called again, Im not sure if i should go, i really wanna visit his church but not if im going to feel uncomftable, also should I TELL bf about worries or not bother.

If i say "that is inappropriate" etc i think he will be like oh come on u know im joking haha,

I forgot to say earlier that when i went to the club with other work friends i danced a bit with this guy i work with because we r much closer and we know inside out that theres no romantic feelings and we have a laugh but when X tried to dance i kept moving away as i would have felt uncomftable dancing with him.

[DaBladeRoden]

Ummmmmmm, you have told him you have a boyfriend right? I mean, you told us, but you didn't yet tell us if you told him.

[agent1607307371]

Take your bf with you.

 

This guy is pushing you, you need to have the backbone to tell him to lay off.

[jerk chicken]

Yes he knows, hes seen pics on facebook, heard stuff about where he took me for my bday etc. He even asks how its going which is why i am confused.

[Gratsy]

Thats not backing off...don't let him touch you. Just b/c he asks about him doesnt mean he has ulterior motives...what he says vs. what he does.

[daintree]

Yes he knows, hes seen pics on facebook, heard stuff about where he took me for my bday etc. He even asks how its going which is why i am confused.

 

i dont think there is any confusion over *whether* this guy is interested in you.

 

I think maybe the issue is that you like him as well.

[jerk chicken]

Sorry no, i do NOT LIKE HIM AT ALL. I am CONFUSED as to why he is making a move/if he is making a move because he knows the whole deal with my bf.

[daintree]

Well because some guys dont care if the girl has a bf or not, they will just move on in anyway.

 

And yes, he is getting close, so that he knows how close you and your boyfriend are, so he can assess the risk.

 

its not that confusing. Males are hunters. You are a challenge. he might not be as interested if you didnt have a bf

[jerk chicken]

Its just that he is the LEAST LIKLEY person i would ever suspect of coming onto me, he has good morals etc so i wouldnt think he wuld try get inbetween a relationship. I just want to make sure i am not over reacting, but everything i have written here is facts. He even called me 2 more times today after i finished work (im guessing about church) but i havent returned the call.

[daintree]

Its always the quiet ones you have to watch out for....

[daintree]

sometimes morals get confused in matters of the heart or sex. I'm guessing he is fairly mixed up too. He probably doesnt know what he is doing

 

However it would be kind if you actually set him straight. You could be giving him signals without realising

[DN]

If you don't like him at all why do you spend any time with him at all?

[daintree]

Exactly..

 

i think she likes him and doesnt even realise..

[DN]

Well. let's be sure that 'like' means like as a potential romantic interest or like as in like him as a friend.

[daintree]

Well. let's be sure that 'like' means like as a potential romantic interest or like as in like him as a friend.

 

 

Like as in likes him as a romantic interest

[Gratsy]

I can understand the confusion with the morals. You need to realize that just b/c a guy seems religious and goes-to-churchy doesn't mean that he's not capable of being a jerk. Both good men and bad men go to church. Besides, a boyfriend isn't a husband--- thats probably what he's thinking.

[jerk chicken]

I mean i dont like him at all romantically, not one bit, i knew him when i was single and no attraction or consideration of anything more than a friend, and the morals bit is not just because of church its because of his assessment of every life situation and when i ask him advice on stuff he is always really fair and proper about things.

What is the best way to show him im not interested ( i would have thought i do that already because of no mixed signals on my part at all)