bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I have been with my gf for around 9 months now. About a month ago, I met a girl at a club who I talked to for a while - she liked the same music as me. I'm into rockabilly/psychobilly, and none of my friends like it - so I was happy to talk about it with someone. I got her number and msn, we flirted a lot on msn - talked a lot about sex - and ended up seeing a gig with her a few weeks ago. I was plastered, and hooked up with her. That's not an excuse as to why I did it, because I've done it again since, sober - and I quite like her. It has made me start wondering about my gf, and what to do. I really like/love her, and I dont want to hurt her. But at the same time, I dont know if I'm getting bored with the relationship, and it might be time to end it. Something like this happened before, where a hot girl liked me (so of course I wanted to bang her) and it made me less than happy with my relationship. I want to make sure that I wouldn't be ending it just because someone else likes me. But I feel that I just dont love my gf enough, if whenever I meet a new girl and we like each other, I get upset with my status. Does anyone have any past experience with this? Can anyone relate with what I'm feeling and decipher it for me? Am I unhappy with my relationship, or am I just being a desperate guy, trying to screw anything that will take me? Link to comment
melrich Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I just being a desperate guy, trying to screw anything that will take me? I think so. I don't think there is any great depth to this problem, it's just a case of you want your cake and to eat it too. I really like/love her, and I dont want to hurt her. It's a bit late for that. It will upset her but I think you should end it and at least let her start with the rest of her life. Link to comment
livefree Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Did you tell your girlfriend about your cheating?? Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 I havnt told her... I've told her about the girl, but not that we like each other or that we've hooked up. Link to comment
stella777 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Did you have sex with that new girl? well, the fact that everything makes you wondering about your relationship shows that your relationship is not the perfect one for you. But also sorry to say that but you sound like a unstable guy who is not mature yet. a hot girl liked you and you OF COURSE wanted to bang her?? yes, I agree with melrich, better to break up with her and let her find a guy who truly loves her. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 Did you have sex with that new girl? well, the fact that everything makes you wondering about your relationship shows that your relationship is not the perfect one for you. But also sorry to say that but you sound like a unstable guy who is not mature yet. a hot girl liked you and you OF COURSE wanted to bang her?? yes, I agree with melrich, better to break up with her and let her find a guy who truly loves her. Havn't had sex. Just kissed. Maturity has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with hot girls... Maybe following through does... What do you mean by unstable? Link to comment
livefree Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Maturity has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with hot girls... Maybe following through does... But maturity has everything to do with saying 'no' to hot girls while you're in a relationship! Link to comment
stella777 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Havn't had sex. Just kissed. Maturity has nothing to do with wanting to have sex with hot girls... Maybe following through does... What do you mean by unstable? livefree answered very well about the maturity. By unstable I mean you dont know what you want and let everything make you question your relationship. One girl is hot, one girl like my music... . I am sure it was something about your girl friend that you chose her too, right? you know what I mean? sorry if I sound judgmental. anyways, I really think if you feel like it you should let your gf go. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 But maturity has everything to do with saying 'no' to hot girls while you're in a relationship! Maybe following through does... I know that. I didn't follow through with the hot girl - though it did make me doubt my relationship. Thats the issue. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Does anyone have any past experience with this? Can anyone relate with what I'm feeling and decipher it for me? Am I unhappy with my relationship, or am I just being a desperate guy, trying to screw anything that will take me? yea, i've been in your shoes. back when i was 20 and had just gotten my first serious bf. i'm gonna say you just don't value your gf enough and don't respect what you have enough to not cheat. sure you like her, but enough to only want to be with her? no. apparently not. unhappy with the relationship? you didn't give any reason not to be, aside from being unhappy with your relationship STATUS. my conclusion is your not ready for a serious relationship and will just end up hurting your current gf, and maybe future gf;s if you continue doing this.. best to just break up with her if you don't want to be with only her (in my opinion). i agree with stella and the others too.. you don't know what you want, much like me when i was 20. it took me a while to be ready to be in a relationship where we both want something long term. that's not something you want or seem to be ready for Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 unhappy with the relationship? you didn't give any reason not to be, aside from being unhappy with your relationship STATUS. Whats the difference? Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Whats the difference? you didnt mention any reason to be unhappy with your relationship a.k.a. your gf. you do seem to be unhappy with the fact that you are in one. if you where unhappy with the relationship, it would all related to your gf and you being unhappy with her. are you? it seems you wouldn't be happy being commited to anyone at this point, not just your current gf. Link to comment
livefree Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I didn't follow through with the hot girl - though it did make me doubt my relationship. Thats the issue. You kissed her, which in my book equals following through enough to become cheating. I guess another way to look at it is, would you consider it cheating if your girlfriend kissed another guy? You obviously aren't happy being in a relationship. If you stay in the relationship while always wondering what else is out there, you'll only become resentful of your girlfriend and end up hurting her (and you won't be so happy either). Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 i used to be like that too. even when i'm in relationships, if someone else i fancy come along, i'll want to be single and leave whoever i'm seeing currently. ya, it's not a nice thing to do, not in the least... i think it has to do with commitment issues and being immature. usually people grow out of it. don't worry about it. i think you'll grow out of it eventually. what you do need to do though, is to be fair to your gf. think how much it'll hurt you. would you appreciate it?! break it off with her and maybe take sometime to think about the whole thing over... think about what you want in a relationship and stuff like that. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 well, you just joined the unfaithful group of guys. congratulations. there is no crossing back. spare your gf and let her go. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 If you end it with your current girlfriend of 9 months, to be with this other girl, what are you going to do when, "another hot girl likes you, and of course you want to bang her"? Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 If you end it with your current girlfriend of 9 months, to be with this other girl, what are you going to do when, "another hot girl likes you, and of course you want to bang her"? I wouldn't leave my gf for this new girl. The new girl just got me thinking about my relationship, and how I feel about it. But I'm not sure how I feel about it... Link to comment
lady00 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I suggest you dump your gf so you can be free to hook up with whomever you want without being unfaithful. Sounds like you're at a point in your life where you value hooking up with new people on a regular basis over being committed to one person. Nothing wrong with that, just don't do it behind someone's back and give her the impression that you're committed. Link to comment
nicky8989 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 ive been on the other end of this(the gf end). If you care about your gf let her go. She may not understand or want to move on, but she'll be happier in the long run obviously. Link to comment
nicky8989 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I wouldn't leave my gf for this new girl. The new girl just got me thinking about my relationship, and how I feel about it. But I'm not sure how I feel about it... And, You ALREADY left your gf for this new girl. Emotionally and physically, she just doesnt know it yet. Your being horrible to a girl for what i can tell, no reason at all? Just move on. I agree with the other poster..nothing wrong with just wanting hookups. But dont be unfaithful while pretending to be faithful Link to comment
jessiesgirl14 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Honestly, it sounds to me like you are unhappy with yourself. You constantly need reassurance that you are wanted. Thats why when any girl comes around that remotely give you an attention, whether it be because you like the same music, or just some hot girl that makes you feel even better that she is attracted to you, you jump on the chance to be with that girl, whether in an intimate way or just a friendly way. The thing is, none of these short term relationships with these girls are going to make you feel good. I could be wrong, but I really think you need to step back and find out why you are unhappy with yourself. Work on that and then you will be secure with having one girlfriend and one relationship. How old are you anyways? I believe the other statements about you being immature and unstable are correct. Its ok though, just work on it!! Link to comment
megnic Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 well i hope your girlfriend dumps you because you can't just choose to do whatever you want then expect her to still be there when you get home at night. Link to comment
bhzmafia Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 That sounds about right. Finding out why I look for validation from other people is a whole lot easier when written on the internet... good luck actually figuring out a way to do it. I can see it stems from a kind of low self esteem - and I agree with you. Thanks for your help. Link to comment
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