SchecterGuy Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Broke up in October. Felt good. Wanted to reconcile in April to June. Didn't work. Feel miserable. She is with someone new. Here are my results after about 5 weeks in no particular order. Still having major anxiety and unable to concentrate. Mainly filled with a lot of regret. I have a decent appetite now. I lost about 15 pounds in the meantime. I can fall asleep now, but I cannot stay asleep past 4am. Started taking fish oil and a multivitamin to hopefully get some antidepressive properties. I cancelled my summer class. I can't concentrate well enough to do calculus based economics. Told my roomate I am moving out (he had a hand in our breakup). Have to live a month with someone who now hates my guts. Have a new roommate lined up who is essentially my only friend here. He is very social and has quiet a few friends, but I do not want to be codependent on him. My other roomate is moving in with us and another guy in a four bedroom house. My other roomate does not like the person we are leaving either. Failing at online dating. I started throwing into the mix of my anxiety all teh bad stuff that has happened in the last year other than the breakup (there are a few). Adds to my anxiety. This is stuff I could easily deal with her around, now I just realized how many bad things there were relative to good other than the relationship. I worry the future will mimic the past and this time I will not have a support base. Went to a link removed event to meet people. This made me more depressed. One I was the youngest. Two kind of depressing hanging with a bunch of lonely socially inept engineers. Three met a guy who seemed like kind of a sleazeball. Considering rotating in my company because I work with 4 guys my age and we never talk at all. I was spoiled when I first got here because I was with a group that talked and socialized all the time. Went to Synagogue for the first time in like two years. Here is some good. When I was there I felt great. Since this whole fiasco began I have not been able to cry. During the service I could not hold back the tears. And I am not even very religious. Before when I went I felt like I was just going through the motions. This time being there actually touched me. Started seeing a therapist two weeks ago. So far he is still in assessment mode. Just asking questions and guiding the conversation. In about a month I am going to Europe for 2.5 weeks. The trip was booked before I wanted the ex back. I am going alone for most of it and that is how I wanted it. Going to stay in youth hostels. I am staying with family in Italy for a few days. Social life not a complete lost cause. I was invited to my other roomate's coworker's going away party. Should be a few people my age. All in all I am an anxious wreck. I regret my past and I worry I cannot find someone else because a) we won't click and b) I do not have enough connections to meet girls. That which does help me (therapy, synagogue) are like narcotics. They help for the moment, but their good effects wear off pretty quickly and I am back to anxious self. Right now I am just very overwhelmed. Building a social life. Building a romantic life. Forgetting the wrongs of the past; the relationship and other life issues. Getting myself back into the mindstate to function again (no more anxiety and lack of concentration). Mainly feeling like myself again. If anyone cares for the whole story of my breakup I will post it. It maybe a little long and boring. Any single girls out there I got pics if you are curious. Link to comment
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