LostInFlorida Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Well, here's a different take. Everyone offered the politically correct "get a divorce and then move on" advice, and that's great. But the truth is, sometimes that's just not practical. You alluded to "family" and "security" issues that would make a divorce difficult. So if the marriage is emotionally dead, and he's doing his own thing, then what is so wrong with you doing your thing (assuming all parties involved agree), until such time as you figure out your exit strategy? Sorry, I just don't subscribe to the "I'll just be alone and miserable for 6 months to a year while the divorce is going on, while he is out having his fun everyday in the meantime" theory. To hell with that. If the marriage is done, then go out, get some action, remind yourself of what it feels like to be a woman, get your ducks lined up, and ultimately get a divorce. This idea that you have to be a nun or a hermit or something during this process is actually silly. Discretion is important, but no reason you can't live your life....... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 ^she already slept with the OM and regrets it - see her post from 7/18... Link to comment
longway2go.123 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 wwoooww!!! its all messed up!! Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 to make things worse, I don;t feel well. I obviously caught something from the OM. I can't believe this. I am freaking out. i guess I deserve it for what I have done. I certainly know that I will not be with him again. Of course he swears that it could not be from him... I just don;t know,,..totally messed up is right. what an idiot i am... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 to make things worse, I don;t feel well. I obviously caught something from the OM. I can't believe this. I am freaking out. i guess I deserve it for what I have done. I certainly know that I will not be with him again. Of course he swears that it could not be from him... I just don;t know,,..totally messed up is right. what an idiot i am... So not only did you sleep with him, you had unprotected sex? Classy. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Also, what about this other man's feelings? How is he going to take it when you tell him he's just a fling and that you're staying with your husband? Are you sure he could handle that? I may be out of line here, but who gives a about the other man's feelings? He is willing to sleep with a married woman so he deserves whatever it is she is going to dish out to him. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 to make things worse, I don;t feel well. I obviously caught something from the OM. I can't believe this. I am freaking out. i guess I deserve it for what I have done. I certainly know that I will not be with him again. Of course he swears that it could not be from him... I just don;t know,,..totally messed up is right. what an idiot i am... I hope you get yourself to the doctor right away to find out what is wrong. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I hope you get yourself to the doctor right away to find out what is wrong. Hopefully she didn't catch herself a baby along with whatever else she caught from him. Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Moderator Note: Vanesa is asking for advice - not to be browbeaten. If you have constructive advice to give as to how she should deal with the problems she is having that is fine. But please be respectful and remember that we are here to help. Vanesa already knows she has made a mess of things, no purpose will be served by telling her what she already knows. Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Vanesa - you need a plan of action. Get yourself first to a doctor and get checked out for STDs and pregnancy. Then you will know what you are dealing with. Once you know that then you can decide how to proceed and what to do about your marriage - whether you want to repair it or end it. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Vanessa - are you going to tell your Husband about this? I think the guilt you are feeling is because you were unfaithful. Do you think you can come clean? I agree with DN though. The first thing is to get yourself checked out physically. Then you must address the emotional aspect of what has happened. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 Just to clarify things, I did not have unprotected sex...this is what is freaking me out. I would never do that. I am totally afraid of doing something like that which is probably why I didn;t do it sooner. I felt a little bit more secure that I have known the OM for over a year and talked about these things in detail because I am so paranoid about getting something. If I am pregnant that would be even worse. I really hope that it is not serious whatever it is. I am wondering if the infections could be set off from all of the stress, I have been on the net trying to get more info. I whave already scheduled an appt, so I will know soon. I don;t know how this is possible... I cannot tell my H right now, I just can't. Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I don't think you should tell your husband right now - not until you know what you are dealing with regarding STDs and pregnancy. But you should not have sex with your husband until you know - you run the risk of infecting him and confusion about paternity should you be pregnant. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 of course I will not have sex with my H, I would not do that to him. Although he had unprotected sex with the OW, but that is not the issue. Does anyone know if it is too late for "Plan B" some sites are saying 3 days and other up to 5. It has been five now. Should I just take the pills? Does anyone know if there are side effects, and then ofcourse depending on the infection, I might be given something else to take. So messed up I can;t even think straight. Not to mention we have the same doctor my H and I. Oh god I don;t even want him to do the Preganany test, then I will have to tell him what I did. What a dissaster.... what should i do, pls help... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I don't think you should tell your husband right now - not until you know what you are dealing with regarding STDs and pregnancy. But you should not have sex with your husband until you know - you run the risk of infecting him and confusion about paternity should you be pregnant. DN raises some excellent points in his posts. Spot on. ~Allie Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 what should i do, pls help... Call a doctor or planned parenthood clinic right now Use Google to find one in your area. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 the OM is really becoming a jerk. He tells me he can't have any kids because he had a vasectomy and thinks that I am freaking out for no reason. Do I believe him? why would he lie... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 the OM is really becoming a jerk. He tells me he can't have any kids because he had a vasectomy and thinks that I am freaking out for no reason. Do I believe him? why would he lie... Just take care of yourself...get yourself tested anyway. Who knows if he may lie. Better safe than sorry, right? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 You said you didn't have unprotected sex, did the condom break? Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 not that it was noticeable to me, which is why I cannot understand any of this. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 I am so upset with the OM right now I can't believe the way he is behaving. I mean to be a friend or almost one for well over a year, and all the talk and BS and now somehting like this, and he behaves like such a jerk.. I am so surprised and disappointed and just feel like a real fool.. My H treated me like crap and now this OM I guess I am just attracted to the A**holes of the world. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 not that it was noticeable to me, which is why I cannot understand any of this. well if the condom didn't break you shouldn't have any reason to think that you might be pregnant or sick. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 21, 2008 Author Share Posted July 21, 2008 Could be a hole in it I don;t know. I haven"t had to worry about this before. I have been married for over 10 years. I didn't really look closely, I was shaking I was not really thinking clearly, and did not really inspect the condom, instead got dressed quickly and got the hell out of there. Link to comment
Vanesa Posted July 22, 2008 Author Share Posted July 22, 2008 so i have been told by my doc that i probably have a yeast infection but did the full test to check everything. I also have abdominal cramps which is freaking me out right now. The doc said that it could be another type of infection, or gas, constipation, stomach issues, or possibly early signs of pregnancy. Oh my GOD what a dissaster. I am nervous and shaking right now. I won;t have the test results until the end of the week. I will have to wait about a week and half to see if I get my period for confirmation if pregnant or not. this was a HUGE mistake and not worth it at all. I not even on speaking terms with the OM. He is offended that I would think that he had something and just ended it. that's it. I'm not sorry about that I really don;t want to see or hear from him.. what a mess. I wish I would have listened to some of you. Link to comment
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