Do you love your ex? Or the idea of them?

[lapseinjudgement]

Ive really thought about this question long and hard over the past few months... sadly i still love the person. Im trying not to because of the pain im really trying to move on but right now as i sit even after the pain i miss the person and the love we once shared...

 

 

Im glad so many are making this step to moving on. But the girl i was with was really good to me until things became such a mess.

[mca1975]

I also like this question, its a good one.

 

I have to admit and be honest, that I don't love him. We were seeing each other for 6 months but it was never a relationship, or at least I turned it into one in my head, but he was never forthcoming. He does have some feelings for me, but he doesnt want a relationship with me. That hurts. But if I'm honest, I dont think I could have one with him, he would get on my nerves after a time I think and we are not totally comfortable with each other either.

 

I miss the companionship. I used to love him coming over, we would go out to eat, get some drinks, watch a film, have a laugh together and he would stay over. It was just bliss and he loved it too, but I wanted more, but I was looking for it in the wrong person.

 

Now it's decided to be left because it was hurting me too much, I just miss the company at times, someone to cuddle up with a watch a film, go out to eat with.

 

I know that I don't love him and just miss the idea of him because if someone else came along and offered me those things and I liked them, I would be doing that with them. I'm really starting to believe that the only way to get over someone is to find someone else, or get close to someone else, but thats hard work and requires patience. I find that I always hang on to the last person I was with and get real sad about them - until someone else comes along. Does anyone else find that? Obviously I dont believe in rebounds as such, I think you should definitely have some time to yourself afterwards.

[ImThatGirl]

I loved my ex.

 

But dang I really loved the though of a future with him. And the pampered chef can opener and pizza cutter that he snuck out the last time he visited.

[Believeyoume]

I've started to feel the exact same way. I can forget about my past relationship much better if I have someone to fill that void. And I also do not believe in rebounds, but genuinely getting to know someone new who can really love you back again. It does take patience though, and it's hard not to just reach out to the first person that throws you a smile.

[mca1975]

Are we all just trying to fill a void within us I'm wondering now! oh god...

 

Apart from one, I think im still trying to fall in love again, actually for them and not for filling a void in me temporarily

 

Where are all the good men? probably on here... lol

[SchecterGuy]

I can't tell.

 

In my situation comparing her to other girls then yes I miss her. She had just enough nerdiness and weird interests to not be shallow and she had just enough cool in her that a night on the town at a club was not foreign to her. She did not share the attitude that I kind of despise here. Now this may seem as unfair.

 

In a vacuum I probably miss the relationship more than her. It was very hard to deal with her emotional ups and downs. Her emotional state would change year to year. She was lazy as can be in all aspects of her life except for work. So I basically had to make all the decisions in the relationship. I remember going to Cancun and we went out only one night because every night I would ask her what she wanted to do and it was always I dunno.

 

I did not beg for her back because I did not know if her separation anxiety from her family/friends would ever go away or if her depression was deeper and I would have to deal with her unstable emotions for the rest of our lives. It was hard to tell. Its been 8 months and I have dated one girl for a few days. Thats it. I miss being in a relationship so much. No need to list because you all know what those things are. I want her because of the reasons I originally mentioned, but I do not know if her bad attributes have/would go away. I am also a relationship addict. I have had three relationships in 8 years with at most 6 months between. This was during high school and college though. Pickings are slimmer now and I hurt because of that. I think I put her on a major pedastol to get her back and it is hurting me now because I convinced my self of so many things that I cannot unconvince myself of.

[Hopelives]

I've changed my mind over last 24 hours... I don't love him at all. I could not love someone who would treat me so poorly - it is not how they treat you in the beginning that determines their character, it is how they are at the end.

 

He's cruel and a player. My love, he does not deserve. I'm sorry I wasted my time on him... and sickened that he played me.

[Believeyoume]

I've changed my mind over last 24 hours... I don't love him at all. I could not love someone who would treat me so poorly - it is not how they treat you in the beginning that determines their character, it is how they are at the end.

 

He's cruel and a player. My love, he does not deserve. I'm sorry I wasted my time on him... and sickened that he played me.

 

amen. Now you are where you need to be.

[mca1975]

I've changed my mind over last 24 hours... I don't love him at all. I could not love someone who would treat me so poorly - it is not how they treat you in the beginning that determines their character, it is how they are at the end.

 

He's cruel and a player. My love, he does not deserve. I'm sorry I wasted my time on him... and sickened that he played me.

 

Dont feel bad about being played, we all have, thousands of people. Even celebrities get played. One that sticks out is that Christiano Ronaldo (who I adore, so nice looking) dumped that beautiful girl because he got bored with her, and she was really gorgeous!

[Hopelives]

/hugs Believe... I needed that...

 

he was a doctor... family practice guy no less... I thought he was above being a player; I trusted him... guess all those years of "practice" made him perfect at his "craft"...

[civilservant]

I don't really know what love is, so I guess that means I wasn't in it with her. I do think that maybe she was my soulmate. It seemed that whenever we were together I felt more complete, she brought out the best in me and the qualties that I think are my best.

 

Since we split I know that ive put her on a pedastol, made her into this wonderful being which dosent exsist. She has serious issues surrounding an attack, and while I feel terrible it happened to her, it was 20 years ago and she's never processed the experiance. For that reason I know logically that she's too damaged, she lives being alone, and for that reason I couldn't stay.

 

I'll always carry a tourch for her though.

[jojesse]

I wish I knew the answer...either way...because then at least I would know.

 

On days when I am angry, I think I just miss the idea of him...but on days that I am reminded of the fun/sentimental times, I think I miss HIM.

 

Maybe I do miss him and I'm just too afraid to admit it to myself?

 

Maybe I miss the IDEA of something? But what that thing is is still a mystery to me.

[fivespot]

I miss and love the ex that was in my mind.

 

But in reality, she never was this person.

 

I loved her for who I wanted/imagined her to be, not for who she was.

 

Because in real life she was a cold, twisted and selfish egocentric a$$hole.

 

But when we were together, I looked the other way. I forgave her for so many hurtful things she did to me. I was constantly being walked all over, my friends and family all saw it...I did to, but I let it all go because I "loved" her so much.

 

I even knew all about all the red flags before we even got together. That didn't stop me...I ignored them all.

 

We were friends for so long before we ever started dating. I thought I loved her and I thought she was my soulmate. She said she loved me, but you don't treat someone you "love" they way she treated me.

 

Yes, I miss the idea of being with someone close, but not her specifically. Not anymore. It takes a long time to become comfortable with someone else. And that's what I miss the most. I miss her for that reason only. I finally realize and accept this. I'm still not over it, but at least I acknowledge and accept it.

[Karmageddon]

I love and miss him for who he was & I am not with him now for who he has become.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I've struggled with this since I was friends with her first. I really had no interest in her from the start but to have her as a friend, and then I got really attached. That's why I struggle with this question. I do know that even though I am miserable by myself, I still want her to be happy. When I see she has a new boyfriend, or is single and still doesn't want to be with me it hurts like hell. I still want her to be happy though because I think love is not about being selfish and maybe I just gave too much.

 

If you really love someone then of course when it's over to cope you need to tell yourself they aren't perfect. I really don't the answer for sure yet, but I've never cared about a girl that much before this one. If that isn't love then I don't know what is. I mean I'm talking about 3 years since we first met and I still am here when she calls to talk. The answer to this question is I really wish I didn't ever have to consider it.

[ladyachika]

I love my ex, but I'm not in love with him anymore. Especially after the way he broke up with me...he shunned me aside and treated me like garbage when I did nothing wrong. He broke up with me on MSN messenger and wasn't even man enough to face me when I demanded that he break up with me to my face. Can you believe I went so far as to fly to where he is (an island in the Caribbean) just to get closure, and he refused to even see me? He even threatened to call the cops if I came to see him. I came anyway, just to prove that I could do it, and I was more of a man than he was to face the break up (and I'm a girl!)