Do you love your ex? Or the idea of them?

[Godwin]

Just realised I dont actually love her anymore! More just the idea of being in a relationship and having a comfortable life.

 

Do I crave her or the situation? In truth, the situation. I want my pride back, my confidence back, my dreams and life. Not her though.

 

Was looking at some old photo's and I suddenly realised what a stupid b*tch she really is? Her eyes were staring back at with nothing but selfishness. Yeah we had good times but when the chips were down she couldn't handle it.

 

When she left she took the following:

 

My pride

My confidence

My dreams

 

I want these things back. I crave someone to cuddle into, someone to kiss and spend time with. She is not that person though.

 

I need to think about myself now, about winning these things back. Only I can do that.

 

Yeah, I will have bad days, when I will miss her, or think about her all the time. Thats my brain dealing with it.

 

Ultimately I need to accept that the woman that I loved is dead and she has been replaced with a quarter of the kind loving person I once knew.

[riley123]

Yup, I've come to the same conclusion about my ex as well. I don't love her or miss her...I miss who she used to be and what she represented.

 

I'd say that your either at the top of the hill or coming up on it pretty quickly. Keep it up!

[barbielovesmac]

Yep --- I was in love with who I THOUGHT my ex WAS. Not who he really was.

 

My beliefs were based off of countless lies.

[Godwin]

Its like when I am lying around thinking about her. What am I missing? Her? No. I dont think it is. I am missing being happy. Being in control of my life. I am missing cuddling into someone. Missing some company, some joy.

 

If it was the choice between an attractive stranger and her I would choose the stranger, I need to accept that I actually have that choice in life now and one day that strange will be in front of me.

[gcollier2002]

I have been gripping that situation over not my last ex, but the one prior to her. -We had a family, a house, cars- The works. I miss the dignity in that. The dinner-on-the-table when I got home wating for me. -Knowing she was happy and that it was because of what I was doing. It was something I was proud of. -That's what I miss.

[Leezon]

I have also thought about that alot, if its actually her that i have so much pain about or is it just what we had together.. and most of what we had together was made by me anyway.

 

I have tried seeing other people since our split and it just made me feel worse, so im still not sure if its her or what we had together that i am in so much pain about

[Godwin]

I have been gripping that situation over not my last ex, but the one prior to her. -We had a family, a house, cars- The works. I miss the dignity in that. The dinner-on-the-table when I got home wating for me. -Knowing she was happy and that it was because of what I was doing. It was something I was proud of. -That's what I miss.

 

I agree, most of my friends are living with someone and have that full family experience. I would love that! My ex and I never lived together despite going out for 7 years, that was one of the reasons that we split.

 

Its something I would love now, to be with a good woman and someone who is my 'other half' not just a girl that I used to see a couple of times a week.

 

The more this goes on the less I think she was a soulmate. Soulmates spend time together, we never.

[j0shua]

I have been gripping that situation over not my last ex, but the one prior to her. -We had a family, a house, cars- The works. I miss the dignity in that. The dinner-on-the-table when I got home wating for me. -Knowing she was happy and that it was because of what I was doing. It was something I was proud of. -That's what I miss.

 

yep. my whole identity and sense of worth was wrapped up in being a father, a husband, and a provider.

 

take that all away and all of a sudden its like "who am i?"

 

and the incredible hit to your self-esteem and confidence is maddening.

 

i miss who i thought she was, where i thought we were going, not who she really turned out to be and the lies and betrayal she so readily embraced.

[musashi]

Yep --- I was in love with who I THOUGHT my ex WAS. Not who he really was.

 

My beliefs were based off of countless lies.

 

Same here. I was in love with my ex for who I thought she was. She turned out to be someone that I never really knew and that sucks. I do not have any happy memories of our relationship because every time I think of her it is fuzzy memories. All of her previous actions have become suspect based on how and why she broke up with me. It is really a shame that I cannot recall any good thoughts of us because that is all we had were good times together. Now that I know it was all a sham, those memories are destroyed.

 

I miss having a relationship more than I miss her. Physically, she was the most unattractive girl I have ever dated. Not that she was ugly, but my previous two exes were both models and she was rather plain. There were plenty of things about her, looking back now, that I did not like at all. The further away I get from the relationship, the more I shake my head in disbelief that I was such an idiot for jumping into it.

 

I have always had a girlfriend my whole life and this is the first time that I have gone this long (4 months in two days) without one. I made a promise to myself that I am not going to start another serious relationship until I get myself together. I am giving myself at least a year hiatus from relationships to do this. It was very hard at first to not go out and find a girlfriend right away, as is what I normally do after a breakup, because it felt so strange not being involved with someone.

 

I am actually starting to like being single. I miss the sharing and caring in a relationship but I am beginning to really enjoy having all of my time to myself. Plus, based on my relationships in the past, all the sharing and caring were illusions. I was the one doing all the sharing and caring.

 

To sum it up, I neither miss my ex nor the idea of them. What I miss is the idea of them that I had created. I miss having a girlfriend but that feeling is slowly starting to slip away.

[IMAbadman]

No, I love my EX. We parted on good terms but even though I love her and would like to have her back it's for the best. I wanted commitment and she didn't. So even though she's not the one for me I can still love her... of course I'll never tell her that again.

[helplesslyhoping]

OMG

 

You hit the nail on the head

 

I'm in the same situation and it's taken me a year to figure it out.

 

It's a fairly harsh reality to realize that the person you loved with all your heart is really just a warm body you don't want to relaese because of your own fears of being alone and lonely.

[IMAbadman]

It's a fairly harsh reality to realize that the person you loved with all your heart is really just a warm body you don't want to relaese because of your own fears of being alone and lonely.

 

Wow... you mean I can't still keep her in the basement?

[WlknCntrdiction]

I wouldn't call my ex a * * * * * though, I would think that's kind of childish, you can't judge your ex like that, you can't judge anyone really. My friend is going out with my ex and I was talking to my other friends about him basically berating him and hating him vocally but they said I have no right to judge him, and they're right. What does it say about you when you can't get over the fact that your ex is/was a * * * * * ?

 

It's not on my mind whether she was a * * * * * or not, she's not on my mind period. You just have to get on with it and not hate people for things(that were at that time)out of their control. My ex forgave me, and I did some pretty bad stuff, you have to move forward and quit thinking about the past.

[Godwin]

I dont hate my ex and to some degree dont wish her any unhappiness.

 

I still think the way she has treated me is unacceptable and to label her a b*tch is my way of capturing these thoughts.

 

My ex has always aspired to be caring and unselfish. Her actions are nothing but uncaring and selfish. She cant see this and still blames me for this whole situation.

[WlknCntrdiction]

Then she's not worth your time spent on her being angry, just ignore her and get on with things. All that time spent thinking about how much of a * * * * * she is could be converted into something positive.

[ms.elisemarie]

I think it's kind of hard to say. Stepping away from the relationship I am able to better see the complete picture, both good and bad. I of course don't miss the rough times, but that's part of love sometimes. I do love my ex and think that he's an amazing person. It's the relationship I don't love (especially where we are now). If things were going great, we would not have broken up - so no I don't want that back. But I do/did (?) believe we had a chance to make it strong again. So I miss the opportunity that did not arise.

[Hopelives]

Each time I was with him, I was in heaven; each time he was with me, he'd say he was the luckiest man on earth. We'd laugh about having each won our respective lotteries. We'd smile and laugh... and then smile and laugh some more.

 

We never fought, we never argued, we never ever had a time where we didn't enjoy each other's company.

 

I loved him - his wit, keen sense of humor, kindness, generosity, support, ideas, interests, patience, passion and our chemistry. There was nothing to not love about him, nor him me.

 

Sometimes, breaking up isn't about a fight; it's about timing in life. Something I hope, and pray, brings him back someday.

 

If not, I'm fine being single.

[helplesslyhoping]

wow... You mean i can't still keep her in the basement?

 

lmao!!!!!!!

[Daddy Bear]

Some of the sentiments expressed in this thread remind me of an old Beatles song:

 

All I can hear

I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

Even those tears

I me mine, I me mine, I me mine

No-one's frightened of playing it

Ev'ryone's saying it

Flowing more freely than wine

All through your life

I me mine...

[LostThePlot]

I genuinly miss my ex girlfriend. Its about who she is not just what she is to me or who she was once. She is honestly the best person in the world. And before you say "I just havent reached the part where you get over them yet", well it's true of course you are going to miss the comfort of another. But I miss the comfort of her!

[Broken69]

I miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss the person I thought he was. I am still in love with the person I thought he was....I no longer love the person he truly is. So when I cry, it's for a dream and hope that can no longer be.

[helplesslyhoping]

I miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss the person I thought he was. I am still in love with the person I thought he was....I no longer love the person he truly is. So when I cry, it's for a dream and hope that can no longer be.

 

 

Well said....

[Catdancer]

I miss the idea of him. He knows me so well and that comfort is hard to walk away from. But I had to, so now I fill that void with the love of my kitties!!!

[jenna981]

I like thinking through questions like this.

 

I think I do love him. I do miss someone holding my hand, just going out to dinner and movies with, someone one to hug and care about, cook dinner for, I miss sleeping next to him, giving a goodnight kiss and saying good morning to each other.

 

I miss those things with him; and I'm sure if the feelings were there for someone else I could do all these things with someone else.

 

The thing is getting to that point with someone else; the searching, finding that deep of connection and closeness I thought the ex and me shared...it all takes time, and maybe even more time than it took before since I'd be watching my steps this time to make sure I don't get burnt again.

[Believeyoume]

I like thinking through questions like this.

 

I think I do love him. I do miss someone holding my hand, just going out to dinner and movies with, someone one to hug and care about, cook dinner for, I miss sleeping next to him, giving a goodnight kiss and saying good morning to each other.

 

I miss those things with him; and I'm sure if the feelings were there for someone else I could do all these things with someone else.

 

The thing is getting to that point with someone else; the searching, finding that deep of connection and closeness I thought the ex and me shared...it all takes time, and maybe even more time than it took before since I'd be watching my steps this time to make sure I don't get burnt again.

 

I entirely agree. I mean, my ex and I did everything together. Grocery shopped, movies, walks, watched the stars, dinners out, lunches out, everything. It's hard to go anywhere really now that it all reminds me of how wonderful it was to share it all with her, and now I only have myself and the pain.

 

And it's hard to think now I have to start from square one, getting to know someone and what if they don't laugh about the same things that were funny to just my ex and I and have all the little things like that. Also, like you said, now we have to be careful, not to trust so quickly or put all our eggs in one basket...but isn't that just human nature when you fall for someone?