I stood up for myself.

[knightingale]

I didn't say everything I wanted to say, but I finally told him today that I'm going to start living my life like we'll never get back together. That I get that he doesn't want a relationship right now, not a real one, not one that will mean something in the end. That I'm sick of hurting over him, I'll get over it, I'm on my way to getting over it, and I've learned my lesson.

 

Yes, it was over the internet on AIM, but he was unable to say anything afterward. I told him I had to go, that I'm glad his show went well last night (his band had a release party), and that I hope he starts talking to his best friend about everything soon because I have talked to her more since the breakup than he has. He said, "ok" and I said, "ok. take care. bye."

 

I have finally taken control over the situation. I don't know how much power I have now, but it's enough for me to feel liberated from his grasp. I was sick of his apologies and "if we work to be friends, this could happen again when the time is right" and "I don't want to hurt you (even though he's doing it anyway)". Yeah, he may do something stupid like make out with someone to spite me, but I know him well enough to know that he will feel like s#!t afterwards. If the opportunity arises where I can say things I didn't think to say until after, or things I want to say in person, I will. But this is enough for now. It may not be a lot, but it'll do.

 

I still love him and if he is able to be the man that I know he is capable of being before I have completely moved on, then we will see what happens. But if I have moved on by that point, it won't matter.

 

I feel really good right now. I hope this feeling sticks. We'll see tomorrow.

 

Stand up to your exes! Don't let them have the power! You can't control what they do or how they feel, only how you feel and what you do. Be strong and take control. Take that ball back and put it in your court.

[mr me]

Im really glad i was able to come accross this post. I basically felt like i had no power for a really long time. I hope as well that things can change for me as well. I dont know im kinda having trouble finding words to say towards what you wrote but hope things work continue to going in the direction that they have been going.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Good for you for putting your foot down. Many dumpers string along the dumpee and never have any intentions of making good on their suggestions and innuendos that things will improve and a reconciliation will happen. The only thing that counts is the actual move towards reconciliation...not empty words and suggestive comments. It is good that you took control of things and made it clear that you are not holding your breath. Just walk away and live your life.

[JadedStar]

Good for you Knightingale!

[pinkelephant]

good for you. i did the same yesterday. i cried my eyes out today. i wish i had read this sooner!

 

 

he broke up with me, wanted me back, asked for a 2 months break, then changed his mind and said all he wants is me and that he wants me back right now. that was on friday. saturday morning, he texted me with just "its not going to work"... roller coaster ride? understatement.

 

i told him i'm sick of the mind games and that we're over so leave me alone. i blocked, deleted him and all his friends off facebook/msn. i'm still sad though, but i feel better being in control.

[knightingale]

Thank you everyone!

 

I haven't written him out of my life, though. I kind of feel like if I delete him on myspace/facebook/AIM that I'm letting him know he got to me. If he wants to try and be friends with me, then so be it, but I'll do it when I'm ready and when I feel like it. Not when he's ready. I'll reply when I feel like replying when he IMs me and say however much I want to say when I feel like it. Plus, I kind of want to watch him watch me take control over my life. I'm also not ready to completely let him go, to be honest . . .

 

But I'll get there. This is the first step!

 

Good luck to you, pink. I'm sorry he played with your heart that way. But again, you've taken the first step and I think you, me, and anyone here will come out of this dark tunnel to a new world. There doesn't have to a train at the end.

[SpeedingCars]

I think it's a sign I stumbled accross your thread!

 

 

I've been trying to work up the courage to finally tell my guy (or is he my ex? I have no clue! It's THAT complicated...) how I feel, 100%.

 

I've always been walking on eggshells around him, because I'm scared if I upset him or something, I'll drive him away.

 

But now I know that by biting my tongue, I'm only hurting myself.

 

How can my needs or wants be met if I don't stand up for myself? How could he ever respect me if I don't grow a backbone?!

 

Thanks for your story! I hope all goes well with you & I hope I can stand up for myself soon!

[knightingale]

Good luck to you, Speed!

 

It's hard, and it probably would've been harder for me in person. I know you don't want to drive him away (the possibility terrifies me!), but really, once he sees that you aren't going to let HIM call all of the shots, your strength and independence might make him have a change of heart. No promises! I don't expect to see any real results anytime soon, but I know for a fact that I shook him up a little. He thought he was going to have his cake and eat it too, have me there in case what he decides to do now doesn't work out, but I've at least planted the IDEA that I have my own life to attend to and that I'm at least on my way to not having to have him in it.

 

In the end, though, whether or not he comes to his senses, I know what strength I do possess. I know that if I can take this one step, then I am capable of taking the next one, which means I am capable of living my life for myself and not for someone else. He can do what he wants, and so can I.

[SpeedingCars]

 

I'm so happy for you!

 

I stood up for myself once or twice and he actually ended up being the one chasing after me! He plays really silly insecure mind games and I'm getting sick of it.

 

I don't know if I can do it in person... he has the power to really make me weak whenever I see him, so I might text him or something! That way, the words are permanent and he can read them over and over again!

[knightingale]

Yeah, even if it's just an email.

 

What I expected to happen happened, by the way. He denied there was anything going on between him and someone my gut was telling me was trouble. He said he would tell me if there was. I knew that once I stood up for myself the truth would be revealed one way or another. Sure enough, one of my spies witnessed them being very affectionate last night and when they left, they held hands out the door. Granted there was alcohol involved, but that's just a factor, no an excuse. It can't mean anything serious, but it still hurts. They started hanging out the day after we broke up, three days later he told me he was still in love with me, a week and a half later this happens, even though I told him that if he falls out of live with me he needs to tell me. Two weeks, and he's already being something with someone behind everyone's back, even his closest friends.

 

It hurts a lot, but I mentally prepared myself for this as well as I could and I know I can get through this. I know he'll come to his senses, realize what a jerk he is being, and by then he will be too late, because I already have one foot out the door and the other is following close behind.

[ms.elisemarie]

Bravo! I wish I read this post earlier because I could never get the courage to stand up to my ex. I went along with the terms he set for taking it slow, and having us date again. Thought this might be a great situation for some, I was in no space to handle it. I was always emotional and wondering where this was going, etc. I knew I wanted more but I couldn't stand up for myself and walk away. So I stayed and now because of all my pushing and emotional outbursts he's pretty much done with me.

 

Good for you for standing up for yourself. I wish I had that strength when I needed too.