Advice or not?

[sleepers]

Dear one and all,

 

Throughout december, i have been relying on enotalone to settle some issues and i have been dealing with with my ex bf. I appreciate all those who have gave me advice one way or the other. It did help. I am writing yet again because it is 2004 - a new yr and a new beginning.

 

The situation is like this, I met with an accident on christmas day and My ex knew about it. 2 days after i was back, he came to my place, we spoke, i cried, he held me tightly and we started kissing each other after that. And after that, things were a bit strange. But the next day, 31st morning. I text him certain things. It told him of my feelings for him etc and how i felt about this whole thing which i doubt will not change and just said a lot of things that i never did say to him before when he was with me. It was something that i felt it was necessary to be told to him. 6 text msgs and he replied 'i am very touched by wat you said and did for me so far. I am doubtful if your wait is going to have any results. It is your decision now.'

 

The msg sends out conflicting ideas. It is good 'touched' but it is bad 'doubtful'. So what should i take it? Or should i just leave it as it is?

 

Then when it turned 12am on New years day, i called him. He was excited about the call and he told me i was the 1st. I was happy too. and i just asked, 'is it good i was the 1st?' N he said 'kinda' and then i was just being being flirty and asked 'if i could be first in his life in 2004' and he just laughed. But the tone of his voice sounded really positive. Wat should i imply?

 

He knows i wants him back (i accidentally sent him a msg i sent to my fren telling my fren that i want him back). But he's somehow doubtful of whether we will work out. As in he can't see the future. But i can see it. He still wants to play but yet at the same time, he wants me (without a bf/gf commitment). Wat can i do? Guys, pls give me some advice. its 2004, and i wish i hear something true. Pple say if i give it time, things will work out cos the conflict is with him now. He's not seeing anyone else right now, but back to the singlehood activities he used to do. So is that good?

 

i need some hope for 2004. Twice i got into accidents involving motor bikes. I am getting very scared already. I was so close to losing my life. The 3rd time i might not get away with it. Advice pls.

[vfunkera]

hey sleepers,

 

Happy new year. Glad you enjoyed it. I doesnt sound like your looking for advice, but rather for someone to tell you the future. And i and no one else can do that for you. I can only advise you on your next steps in this situation, most of which are based on experience.

 

No fate but what we make for ourselves.

 

Your motor bike accidents? Dont ride your motor bike, its probably cursed ( ).

Your ex? A bit more to say about this.

 

Wat should i imply?

 

Don't expect anything. He is an ex for a reason. Its his life, his decision. You cannot make that decision for him. You definetly know all of this, i'm just reminding you it.

 

Its so hard with ex. We chase them, and we will pounce on any small posotive hint that comes out of them. I've been there sleepers, and i know how we get our hopes high on something so small.

But the tone of his voice sounded really positive

Reading little signs and spinning it in our favour is very dangerous, and usually leads to high hopes which simply won't be fullfilled. It gets exciting when we think we've got a posotive reaction out of them.

 

Thats my experience on getting my hopes high on little things. It will probably be your experience too. How many times i have read here of stories where the person says at the same time they give up and start to really move, the ex comes running back to them is countless.

 

Regarding the first half of your post, i will give you a few more tips that are true. Everytime you initiate contact with them, you will just be decreasing the chances of getting the reaction your looking for out of them. With you still pestering that you want them back, they will have no competition for their spot, and so they will just keep you waiting, and give you responses like 'i am very touched by wat you said and did for me so far. I am doubtful if your wait is going to have any results'. The moment you start to run, is the moment they will start to chase. Its that simple. That incident at your place was a mistake, and will just slow down the time it will take for him to come back.

 

Its a new year sleepers! Rebuild yourself now with new knowledge and wisdom. Don't make the same mistakes you did in 2003, and you will not fail. Good luck

[Ash]

He'll have been somewhat affected hearing about your accident. It may have temporarily awoken feelings inside him he used to have, but have been subsiding. It likely isn't a permanent situation.

 

I think he summed up where he was when he said that he is doubtful your wait is going to have any results. It sounds like it might be difficult for you have him regain the feelings for you that he once did have.

 

What exactly was he up to on New Years? If he'd had a few drinks, he might have been in a happy, euphoric state already, and was being cheerful and friendly in general. If that was the case, be careful how much you read into it.

 

If he wants to be with you without a commitment, be careful, you stand to get hurt. You could easily get back together, think you're doing well and are strong together and then have him leave. He may also be seeking a new gf while he's with you, that will be a very unpleasant feeling for you.

 

He claims the decision is with you, which of course is partially right. But I also feel a lot of it lies with him. Unless he's willing to commit, I think you can likely consider he is not deciding for you. If he doesn't decide for you, is it something you really want?

 

As you said, consider starting out the new year on a new footing, seeking new challenges and a new partner, if you feel up to it.

[sleepers]

There's this thing.. He's made me really upset, disappointed, angry tonight. Cos of some things he said on the phone to me that is making me doubtful of Myself. Never have i doubted myself so much until wat he has said to me tonight.

 

First he said, 'i can cut off ALL contacts with you if it makes u feel better to forget me. We can don't say hi to each other in school at all. I don't mind and its better that way.' I was saying its bloody childish and immature if he said that.

 

Next he said, 'First time someone has made my blood boil. U r a two-headed creature. First you told me to give u something for christmas that money can't buy (because i have technically anything and everything that i need) and then, next you tell me i didn't even give u a card'

 

Well, he didn't even wish me Merry christmas when i went out to get his christmas present despite being hurt and limping all the way in a strange land. i wanted him to come back to me for my christmas present. N till now, he keeps saying he's searching. And well, even if he got me a plain card and wrote there, 'merry christmas' i would be happy too. BUt he didn't.

 

i told him i would give him half a yr to make up his stupid mind. half a yr will be my 21st birthday. by that time, he hasn't know wat is going on, i will move on. But after wat he has told me, i am doubtful of myself. I wonder if i should move on to another guy. He's making me wonder why on earth did i like him in the first place. Wonder if i m dat stupid to not see his true colours till today. Tell me what i can do? i m thinking of so many things. Including leaving the country to go somewhere and start fresh there. ALL these thoughts are going through my mind, as long as i avoid him right now. He's making me Hate him now and i doubt we can even stay as friends. Cos i am starting to cultivate hate within me.

 

Help me!

[vfunkera]

Sleepers, the ex's true colours always come out in this period. Trust me i know what your saying. My ex was so good and innocent to me, and now shes someone i can never take back! My suggestion is to move on now. Dont hang around, or you'll be hanging longer then you think.

 

told him i would give him half a yr to make up his stupid mind.

 

Its funny how someone else will usually always pop up quite recently after we break up and still have hopes on getting back with the ex. It happened to me and i turned her down, hoping to give a good 'commitment' impression to my ex. What happened. She still hasnt come back, and im now really just stranded. My point? If some one else appears, do not hesitate to link up with them. The ex is the ex, so dont let them stop you from going on a new adventure! Its a good impression to your ex too, you are no longer thinking of them, and that will make them regret letting you go!

 

Good luck, I've been where you are and experienced what you have.