What does this mean?

[RedHead33]

Hello all. Strangely enough, I asked my ex out to dinner on July 3. She said sure, and that she would get in touch with me that evening. She did. She called me and told me she would be ready in about 20 minutes and that she would meet me where we were going, and that she would call me again as she was leaving her place so that I could time my arrival and show up at roughly the same time. The evening went off without a hitch. We both showed up at pretty much exactly the same time. She was dressed so hot and sexy. Probably the best dressed I've ever seen her. We talked and laughed a lot. She was very open and very nice all evening, and while we were eating, we made plans to go out again to a fireworks show the next night on the 4th. To keep this part as short as possible, she acted like she was interested in me again. Talking about anything, making long sustained eye contact, touching and holding me, etc. You fellow guys know the signs I'm talking about. You can just tell when a woman is interested in you. Again, the evening went great. We hugged and held each other for a bit in the parking lot before departing.

 

The following day on the 4th(yesterday), I called her just once at about 6:00pm to make sure everything was still on for the night, and ended up leaving a polite message. She didn't answer, or return my call all night. Essentially I got dogged. I decided to send her one text message at 11:30pm saying, "I'm sorry if I frighten u and/or remind u of painful memories. I miss u. Good night & sleep tight." I haven't heard from her since the evening of the 3rd, and I'm certain I won't hear from her all weekend either. I don't push the issue with her. If I don't hear back from her, I just leave it at that, and don't try to get in touch with her again until I finally do hear from her. She's done this to me before a few times in the past. All nice, polite, and seemingly interested, and then all of a sudden she goes into a dodgy, unreachable mode for several days.

 

Can some of you knowledgeable, kind people help me try to figure out what might me going on inside her head? Is she scared of getting hurt again or something, or does she possibly enjoy leaving people hanging?

 

Thanks for any help,

Red

[leo_s84]

If she's done it before, she probably enjoys the ego boost you give her every time you guys meet. She knows you're still there, so there's no point in meeting again for a while, since she doesn't want to get back with you (if she wanted to she wouldn't leave you hanging). Cut all contact man

[rgm1266]

Give her some time to absorb and think about the wonderful time that both of you had. Don't be pushy. You did the right by sending an email explaining to her that you had a nice evening. Now the ball is in her court. You need to let her decide to see if she wants to see you again. The NC rule should apply for you right now. It will work out for you!!!

 

Plant a positive seed, leads to positive results!!

[gee]

Same has happened to me as well. Like leo said, cut all contact!

[BYOB]

Cut all...

[dream83]

Just out of curiosity did you do the dumping when the relationship ended?

[Lost4her]

It seems like you are her plan b. Something better came up. Sorry to be cold, but it was July 4th. Dont let yourself be second choice. You are better than that.

[deang]

if she does this again...don't set up any plans or anything else just have a good time and don't show her she still has you. Have fun but like she's someone you just met and don't initiate the next contact...let her come to you...sounds like you pull away and she has to see if you are still there for her...you've been there every time for her...try something different!

[annie24]

Red - i hope the ex you are talking about is not the same one as you were talking about in the previous post:

 

Anyway, I'm no saint, but she is the most deceitful, using, cheating, manipulative person I've ever met in my life thus far.

 

if so, i would really question why you'd even be pondering getting back with her.

[RedHead33]

Just out of curiosity did you do the dumping when the relationship ended?

 

Yes. I'm the one who broke it off with her. In the months that followed, I was unnecessarily mean to her while she still pursued me somewhat.

[RedHead33]

Red - i hope the ex you are talking about is not the same one as you were talking about in the previous post:

 

 

 

if so, i would really question why you'd even be pondering getting back with her.

 

Actually yes it is. I like to think what I wrote about her is the truth, but I'm not convinced of it. I feel guilty for being mean to her long before she ever pulled trickery on me that I know of. This whole thing is a bit of a messed up situation. ](*,)

 

But what I was curious about in this thread was what her actions meant, mostly diagnosed from another woman.

[annie24]

look - i see that your relationship was rocky. you said in your previous thread that you neglected her to some degree, but you also mentioned the above, that she's cheated on every man she's been with, etc..... i think it's a really toxic situation, and i think you deserve better! i would stay no contact with her, for good. you said it yourself, she's bad for you.

[dream83]

Yes. I'm the one who broke it off with her. In the months that followed, I was unnecessarily mean to her while she still pursued me somewhat.

 

BINGO!!! Do you really need to ask why she's behaving this way now? It's amazing how I guessed that, isn't it? Not really. This is typical "I'm going get revenge and show the ex what he's missing" behavior.

[RedHead33]

It seems like you are her plan b. Something better came up. Sorry to be cold, but it was July 4th. Dont let yourself be second choice. You are better than that.

 

That makes sense, but would that be cause enough to not even have the decency to text me or something giving me an excuse why she won't be keeping her end of the agreement? What she did is a pretty rude thing to do.

[annie24]

BINGO!!! Do you really need to ask why she's behaving this way now? It's amazing how I guessed that, isn't it? Not really. This is typical "I'm going get revenge and show the ex what he's missing" behavior.

 

oh no...... look back and read his last thread! i think it goes far deeper than this.

[dream83]

I'll go read the last thread. But, regardless which of them is right or wrong, her behavior is textbook...Though I get the feeling that I'm probably about to find out that this just one of many immature events between the two of them (No offense, Red).

 

Annie, should I grab a giant bucket of popcorn and buckle my seatbelt before I start reading?

[RedHead33]

BINGO!!! Do you really need to ask why she's behaving this way now? It's amazing how I guessed that, isn't it? Not really. This is typical "I'm going get revenge and show the ex what he's missing" behavior.

 

That's kinda what I wondered too. If that's the truth. At this stage, revenge is stupid. It's been long enough that I'm way passed that. I would hope that she would be too. Hindsight is always 20/20. I realize that I probably shouldn't even have asked her out to begin with.

[dream83]

That's kinda what I wondered too. If that's the truth. At this stage, revenge is stupid. It's been long enough that I'm way passed that. I would hope that she would be too. Hindsight is always 20/20. I realize that I probably shouldn't even have asked her out to begin with.

 

Okay. Just read your first post. Yes, you shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. But, there's sooo sooo much that I could say about that which I won't say. But, I will say that just because you're over it doesn't mean she is. This is especially true of nasty, mean, manipulative people. She clearly was trying to get some sort of leverage over you, reel you in, then disappoint you. I think that's especially telling in the fact that she dressed the way she did (knowing how clearly hung up on her looks you were) and went out of her way to make you think you had a chance. She was screwing with you. Tried to make you want her, then reminded you that you can't have her.

 

Do move on.

[RedHead33]

I think I feel in my gut that you're all right about this. I should just go complete and permanent NC. It's easy to give in and talk to her. The hardest thing to do is usually the right thing to do. Agreed?

 

How ruthless should I be about the NC? I ask this because she absolutely will not let it go for very long before she'll get right in my face and try to speak to me. If I go absolute NC, within a week, she WILL speak to me or touch me. Anything to try to get my attention. It's very likely that sometime Monday at work she will try to give me some excuse why she couldn't go out with me on the 4th, and why she couldn't give me notice either.

 

If she tries to get my attention in any way, should I just completely ignore her and not respond at all?

[dream83]

If you respond, you're behaving as if you're willing to play her game.

 

Let me ask you this. WHY are you thinking about doing anything other than NC? What do you stand to gain from this? You said you didn't like anything except her body in the other thread. You said you didn't trust her. You said she's so bad, evil, wrong. Why do you want to remain in contact with her? Be truthful.

[RedHead33]

If you respond, you're behaving as if you're willing to play her game.

 

Let me ask you this. WHY are you thinking about doing anything other than NC? What do you stand to gain from this? You said you didn't like anything except her body in the other thread. You said you didn't trust her. You said she's so bad, evil, wrong. Why do you want to remain in contact with her? Be truthful.

 

 

Because I'm an idiot I guess. ](*,) That's as honest as I know how to be.

 

There's a tiny little voice inside my head that tells me that I'm wrong about what I think I think about her.

 

So are you saying I should completely ignore her no matter what?

[dream83]

Yes, completely ignore her no matter what, unless you like wacky rollercoaster rides (other than the amusement park ones). This woman has $9,000 of your money. What else are you willing to give her? Geeze. If you're being so generous, send me $9,000, and I'll even be nice to you! [kidding]

 

And as for that little voice, I don't know, but it might be your penis...just saying. You do seem to really, really focus on the way she looks and little else.

[RedHead33]

Yes, completely ignore her no matter what, unless you like wacky rollercoaster rides (other than the amusement park ones). This woman has $9,000 of your money. What else are you willing to give her? Geeze. If you're being so generous, send me $9,000, and I'll even be nice to you! [kidding]

 

And as for that little voice, I don't know, but it might be your penis...just saying. You do seem to really, really focus on the way she looks and little else.

 

You're so right. I know it. I can feel it.

[dream83]

Great, now keep feeling it and do it. You and my brother are a little alike. He's the only person I know who will stick his hand in a random animal's mouth then wonder why it bit him...then do it again!

 

Stop petting the pitbull unless you're willing to be the snack!

[RedHead33]

Great, now keep feeling it and do it. You and my brother are a little alike. He's the only person I know who will stick his hand in a random animal's mouth then wonder why it bit him...then do it again!

 

Stop petting the pitbull unless you're willing to be the snack!

 

I know. It's easy to talk, but much harder to put into practice.