Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i'm in a relationship that i really really care for but the last boyfriend i had didnt treat me so well and cheated on my often. now i'm soooo incredibly paranoied and i ALWAYS bring up conversations that are just bad and they make the night horrible (its just on the phone as he lives in NY and i live in CT so i can only see him every couple weeks.) and things are a little difficult right now as he is trying to balance school, work, and me and right now he doesnt really have enough money and i am freaking out as to whether or not he can handle this relationship, so being paranoid i always bring up the same basic conversation and it just seems to bring us both down and he just keeps telling me to give it time but i just dont know how to shut those feelings off and to just stop being paranoid, because now he's saying that if it keeps up than he's jsut gonna run and that he cant take an unhealthy relationship....i know he's right and that its me doing all of this, i just dont know how to stop those "what if?" questions in my head...i'm desperate for help at this point. Link to comment
Russ Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 How hard can it be in a long-distance relationship to think about what you're saying prior to saying it? If nothing else, count to 5 before you say it, be it on the phone, wherever. If he asks you why you keep pausing, tell him you're doing so for this reason. If nothing else, he'll at least see you making the attempt to work on your issue. Link to comment
Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 How hard can it be in a long-distance relationship to think about what you're saying prior to saying it? If nothing else, count to 5 before you say it, be it on the phone, wherever. If he asks you why you keep pausing, tell him you're doing so for this reason. If nothing else, he'll at least see you making the attempt to work on your issue. and if i keep doing that, will those thoughts eventually go away?? Link to comment
Russ Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 That's really up to how deep the psychological trauma went. The only way to make something like this go away for certain would be therapy. This is just an exercise I used to help me get over a similar problem. And I did get over the problem eventually. Link to comment
bartels Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 An LDR is tough enough..through in paranoia and the ruminating "what if" thoughts into the mix and you are dead in the water. An LDR is not for you, in my opinion it can only work if there is a really strong foundation of trust between the two individuals as well as self confidence on both of their parts. You have neither. You should find someone close by. Link to comment
Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 unfortunately the other relationship wasnt that far off from this one, so its still kinda fresh in there. i jsut dont want him to end this relationship because of my paranoia. Link to comment
Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 An LDR is tough enough..through in paranoia and the ruminating "what if" thoughts into the mix and you are dead in the water. An LDR is not for you, in my opinion it can only work if there is a really strong foundation of trust between the two individuals as well as self confidence on both of their parts. You have neither. You should find someone close by. i am learning to trust him, slowly but surely so i dont want him to think that i'm not trying. this guys means so much to me i dont want to end this just because of the distance. Link to comment
Whiplash Girl Child Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Realize that your behavior is going to drive him away. Him and every other man you date. You need to fix this, ASAP. Every time you start thinking and worrying about what COULD happen / be happening, STOP yourself. Just don't think about things. Link to comment
Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Realize that this behavior is going to drive him away. oh trust me i have realized it and after the conversation i had with him tonight, i deff see it i just dont know how to make it stop Link to comment
greywolf Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Well, do you think your bf is a great person, or a horrible person? Do you think he's a guy that sleeps around? Because if you do then you shouldn't be with him. If you don't then you need to remind yourself of that everytime you feel paranoid. Link to comment
Underwater Thing Posted June 23, 2008 Author Share Posted June 23, 2008 Well, do you think your bf is a great person, or a horrible person? Do you think he's a guy that sleeps around? Because if you do then you shouldn't be with him. If you don't then you need to remind yourself of that everytime you feel paranoid. no he is a very open and honest person, and i dont feel that he is the type of guy that goes and sleeps around. he is an amazing person. and it scares and hurts me that by worrying all the time and starting up these conversations, that i could be the one to burn this relationship.z thats the last thing that i want. Link to comment
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