This took quite a bit to type... so you should clicky.

[enkymion]

Let me preface this by saying I just recently posted in the healing section... but now I feel compelled to post in this forum. Uh oh! lol.

 

So I'm calling upon everyone to help me.

 

Let me start out by saying that my girlfriend and I broke up back in January. We then went on a break for several months. I must admit that I am guilty of the following laundry list of things:

 

Lying

Cheating

Invasion of Privacy

Clinginess

Weakness

 

I know. I fail(ed).

 

Judge me if you want. I can live with that. But I can truly tell you that I learned my lesson from all of those things. I have admitted all of my faults and transgressions to her. Things concluded for real about a month ago.

 

I must also say that I asked her that once I got myself together if we could ever work this out, she said no.

 

I think that this is a sufficient preamble. If more is required, I'll state it as asked. I'm not ashamed as I know that I have truly learned.

 

Ok. Here we go...

 

So after we broke up I felt like her and I shouldn't talk any longer. I felt like nothing good could become of it and I thought that it was in our best interests to just cease communication. So I did... I lost her number, blocked her on IM (which is good because most of our IM conversations led to problems anyways - IM is not a good way to communicate to people you're seriously into), and even altered my route to work so I didn't have to pass her place.

 

However, I started having nightmares. And I don't mean like once a week or so. I mean like 3-4 times a week. And I would always wake up around the same time... between 5:15 and 5:30. It wasn't the same exact nightmare or anything. It fluctuated. And I would never be able to go to sleep. I would always just lay there and think about her.

 

Well, this past tuesday I decided I had enough. I woke up again at 5:30... and I just laid there. Nothing but her on my mind. I decided I had enough. I realized that I cut her off because I was afraid of her and embarrassed and ashamed for my actions; not because I really thought things were futile.

 

So I emailed her... this is the exact email.

 

"You know, I really believed that me avoiding you was the answer. I thought it was the right thing to do; "for the best". I've had enough signs now and done enough thinking to realize that this isn't true. Notice what time I'm writing this? Yeah. It's because I keep having dreams/nightmares about you. I don't really care if you know that. I guess after all the lessons I learned, it took me more time to realize that I was still running away from a problem; I was running away from my mistakes, my frauds, and my shame. So I'm reaching out to you. In the only manner I know. I would have called but I lost your number in a feeble attempt to do the aforementioned. With all that preliminary stuff said, I just wanted to say hello. I hope you're well. I hope all your friends and family are doing great; even Max [her cat] I also hope you're having a great summer. I also want to say that I'm still as sorry for everything wrong and malicious that I have ever done to you. It still resonates with me everyday. If you feel compelled to write back, that would be great. I don't know how often you check this. Hopefully you will see this soon though.

 

Living the right way,

My Name"

 

I didn't get a response for 2 days... then I received this:

 

"for some reason I'm not understanding have you dont have my number.... its been the same phone number for the past 3 years... it hasnt changed since u met me and i have a hard time believing that you dont remember it. i still know yours without looking at my phone! doesnt seem likely."

 

I then responded with:

 

"It's true. I know your number has been the same for years. I can't remember the last 4 digits. But the point of me emailing you was to speak and see how you were doing... not to debate my memory So how about that?"

 

She then told me:

 

"im okay, leaving to hollywood on sunday, gonna be there for a month and im super excited to get the hells up outa here for a while. how r u?"

 

I responded with:

 

"Wow! Sunday huh? That's great. I bet you are excited. Well since you're leaving so soon, for quite a long time, I would like to see you before you leave. For whatever time allows for. Maybe we could get a smoothie or something.... How does that sound?"

 

She then said:

 

"well i dont have much time, im in asheville right now, but I can make a little time only if you can figure out my phone number... cause i don't believe you cant remember it"

 

At which point I attempted what I thought it was. And I was wrong. So we kept emailing. I don't think the next e-mails are too important since they were more just discussing logistics of my meeting. I, however, would like to share that she was very prompt in returning them.

 

So we arranged to meet this Saturday...

 

Well, I must say when I first saw her it was kind of awkward. At first for me anyways. I had butterflies. But after a few sentances back and forth, I eased up. She was with her best friend... they hung out the night before. So we had to take him home (he's gay) before we could chill. He was a block up the street so it was no big deal. I chatted with him. Made sure I engaged him in the conversation...

 

So we dropped him off. And then we rode around. Basically we went to the park and walk around. I made the suggestion. So we walked around and talked about quite a bit of topics. We talked about Music, Goals, People (in a general sense), the actual flora around the area, ducks we saw, family, etc. We had some good laughs. Like when I impersonated the ducks as well. Hahaha. It was like an hour. But then she expressed she had to go. Which was fine because I know its not a good idea for these meetings to be too long anyways.

 

Notables of the conversation in the walk:

 

- She said something along the lines of "I don't know you as well as I used to. Seems like things are different". I replied you should get to know me better and smiled. That's not the exact wording... but I'm sure it was along those lines.

 

- When we talked about video games, she was talking about how with her friends that they talked about my taste in them. She said "if there was one thing about ******, he had great taste in video games". But then, quickly, she was like "not that there aren't other good qualities about you, because there are. But, you know, I'm just saying."

 

So when I was dropping her off... I was expecting just a drop off and to be on my way. Well before she got out, I told her that I wasn't playing games about her number. I was genuinely mixing up the last 4 digits. She said I know... I believe you. That's why I let it go. I just think it's ridiculous that you couldn't remember it and you didn't have it anymore. I was like... I wont do it again. She then gave me the last four.

 

She then asked be if I was happy. She knew that I had gone through a lot with the breakup as well as my realization of who I used to be. I knew that she wasn't going to be getting out of the car immediately so I pulled into a parking spot...

 

I then told her yes and no. I told her that I had come to terms with all of the wrong doings that I have done as well as the person that I used to be. I then said that I know that I haven't learned it all yet but I feel like I've come so far and I aspire to learn more. I then said its just so painful to have to live knowing what I used to be. She then ask if I felt that I deserve the pain. I said of course I do. But I'm glad I have it because I know I will never default on the lessons I've learned. Now, the pain hurts, but at the same time, its embraced.

 

So basically she we then concluded things but I looked her dead in the eyes, and said that we should talk more. She agreed. Then we gave each other a hug and she got out the car and left.

 

So now here's the thing... I feel like I'm not afraid of her now. I conquered that and I feel good about it.

 

But now I'm confused because I wonder if I have a chance to get back with her and make it work.

 

What do you all think?

 

*Ask for more info or clarification as needed.

[Supa_gurl]

Wow What a long post. But I am glad that you have found the faults in your self and are well on your way to correcting them. As for getting back with her. I see a possiblity, she did afterall agree to see you before her long trip to Hollywood.

[Batya33]

I guess if I were her I would want to know exactly how you'd changed - meaning what actions you took (counseling?) why you did the things you did in the past and what you are doing to insure to the absolute best of your ability that they do not happen again. Then I would want time to get to know you again slowly - 6-9 months let's say - keeping things platonic perhaps.

[enkymion]

She knows why I did the things I did.

[pester1c]

You seem like a very honest person now. There is nothing bigger than to admit your mistakes and thats when you can get rid of them. Keep working on yourself and rest everything will follow you.

 

Best,

[enkymion]

Thanks. I am always working on myself. I love the person I've become. I just wish it didn't take so long. But I'm greatful that it hasn't taken even longer.

[Whiskers]

I think as far as getting back together with her is concerned, that it really needs to be her move. A text message in a few days to see how things are going couldn't hurt...nor the occasional email but it really does have to be her decision when she's ready.

If you continue as you have been, she'll see the changes, you might get your 2nd chance

Good luck

[enkymion]

Thanks for your everyone's input thus far.

 

I know some people have expressed that it's indeed possible. However does anyone have the feeling that it's not?

 

Please keep fillin' me in. Opinions are wanted.

[Batya33]

Thanks for your everyone's input thus far.

 

I know some people have expressed that it's indeed possible. However does anyone have the feeling that it's not?

 

Please keep fillin' me in. Opinions are wanted.

 

I think you are taking a bit too lightly my comments and the impact of how you treated her on her and on the possibility of reconciling. Your response to me just paid lip service to what I wrote and if you take it that lightly with her, then no I don't think there's a chance. Giving her vague "I have worked on myself" is not going to be enough if she is a person with healthy self esteem. That's great that you did the work, but you're going to have to convince her of that and convince her through your continuing behavior to her over a significant period of time.

 

See what happens when she returns and let her contact you.

[enkymion]

But do you think that's a good look considering I stated that we should talk more and she concurred?

[Batya33]

But do you think that's a good look considering I stated that we should talk more and she concurred?

 

Do I think it's a good sign? It's not a bad sign of course. However, since you chose to do what you did and behave as you did to her you are in no position to force the issue or to be upset with her if while she is away she changes her mind.

[enkymion]

I'm sorry... I should have been more clear. Do you think that it is a good idea to state that we should talk more and not do things to follow through what I said.

 

And to help with your response, she is someone with healthy self esteem.

[Batya33]

I'm sorry... I should have been more clear. Do you think that it is a good idea to state that we should talk more and not do things to follow through what I said.

 

And to help with your response, she is someone with healthy self esteem.

 

That's a bit unclear, what you wrote. I think it's good to give her space for now while she is away.

[enkymion]

Maybe you're right actually... Besides, the absense would make potentially make her think of me more, yes?

[Batya33]

Potentially, sure.

[BrokenDuc]

you have done well

at least now she will re evaluate you in a different light

im proud of the progress you have made buddy.

[thekid55]

After reading this post, I feel like you can be at peace with yourself, no matter happens in the future. You were able to see her before she left on her trip. She could have just blown you off or made other plans. With all of the things you said you were guilty of, I think she feels like you know you made the mistakes, but I think she might be hesitant in the future to start things up again.

 

While you can't control how other people act or feel, you feel great with yourself that you were a man and were able to own up to your mistakes. It takes a strong person with a lot of character to do that.

 

Just go with the flow for now. Let her make the next move because Hollywood can be chaotic. It'll either make or break a person.

 

In the mean time, just work out and keep looking better for yourself. Who knows, maybe you'll stumble upon another cute girl around town.

[enkymion]

you have done well

at least now she will re evaluate you in a different light

im proud of the progress you have made buddy.

 

Appreciate it man. That means a lot.

[enkymion]

Perhaps? Who knows... I've met some so far and they haven't done much for me.

[enkymion]

Anyone else have any comments? Don't hesitate to express yourself. That's why I posted this.

[SpeedingCars]

I saw that you initiated the whole "I don't think we should talk", but who broke up with who?

 

....oh wait, nevermind. OK, so she broke up with you & then you worked on yourself. Right?

 

It's a start that you guys are on friendly terms. My guy (I'm not sure if he's my ex right now... but that's complicated) cheated, lied, etc. to me and he's not making much of an effort to really regain my trust or to work on himself.

 

I see that you've genuinely improved (although it does not make what you did OK, but you didn't post this to get criticism). I think she can see that... give her space for awhile & when you and her have time, try to talk a lot more. But do it very slowly...

 

Eventually, you should ask her if there's a chance in making it work.

And even if it doesn't work out, at least you guys are on good terms.

[enkymion]

She broke up with me.

[enkymion]

Would anyone else like to chime in?

[enkymion]

Last call for responses. I'm not going to bump it anymore after this one....

[enkymion]

The nightmares are back...

 

 

 

Comments welcome...