Dorkydoo Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I've been dating a man who is 31 for a little over a month now, we've been on several dates & get along great. He is very kind, courteous, calls all the time, etc., so all is going well. He has slept over twice (no sex) but we've had great make-out sessions, lots of cuddling before/after, etc. While I am very comfortable with the pace we are going, I do admit my curiosity has peaked in that we've had ample opportunity to go all the way but he has not "made any moves" in that regard (which I am totally fine with as to not rush into anything). Just wondering what are some of the reasons guys hold off? Is it a comfort level thing, nervousness, etc.? I don't think its because he "doubts" his abilities as he is extremely talented with kissing, touching, etc. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Hey, He doesn't want you to think he's only after sex. If you are ready for that step, just tell him. He'll tell you if he is or not. Link to comment
brian123 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I've turned down sex from girls I know are no good for me. Even as a guy, I will admit that I become attached after I have sex, so I like to hold off until I know that everything is right/we are in a relationship. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 yeah, maybe he wants to wait until he gets to know you better or you two are in a relationship? you can always ask him.... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Hey I think you have a catch there. If a guy is willing to wait to have sex, means he is usually after a relationship, not just a quick lay. Guys who wait is NOT a bad thing. It shows they are thinking with their mind and not just with their sex organ. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 1 - I don't sleep too early with a girl that I date. I was more open to this when I was younger, but definitely not now. Basically, I want to get a foundation up and form a relationship before sleeping with someone. Sex is the easy part, and can wait. Plus, I have been used by women before, and I am more than a piece of meat. If I continue to date you AND I hold off on sex = I really like you. 2 - Diggin Annies avatar. Any news on who Darth was here? Was it just a joke? LOL. Hilarious! Link to comment
SupaflyTNT Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 It could be anything really. You could try talking to him or you could make a move on him yourself next time you're making out and want to go further. Undo his belt or play with his zipper or something. He'll let you know if he wants it or not. I guess it really depends on how comfortable you are with either situation (talk or action). It might actually be easier to just make a move rather than have a possibly awkward convo. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I agree that maybe he is interested in you, so he wants to take things slowly. If I have a guy try something with me, before a certain amount of time, I just don't bother with him anymore. He may just be playing it safe and getting to know you. Besides sex has so many risks, pregnancy, STD's, etc, so just going straight at it after one month might be scary to some men. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I think its really nice to have a slow build up to the first time with someone new, makes it all the more special when you do. I think it shows hes very interested and respecful of you, i mean if thats all he was after he would hve been alot more forward.xx Link to comment
Dorkydoo Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 No I def agree with all of you, but by no means do I want to rush into anything and I totally appreciate the fact that he doesn't either...I'm not going to ask him since we just started dating so no need to address it this early on. I was just curious is all, I'm very comfortable with where we are right now and hearing what everyone has said so far is very reassuring. Link to comment
SupaflyTNT Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Comfort is the key, if you're both comfortable then just enjoy what you have and let it take it's course. Good luck! Link to comment
Dorkydoo Posted June 21, 2008 Author Share Posted June 21, 2008 Thanks Supafly! (and everyone else) Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 My bf doesn't want to have sex right now either. It's a relationship. Sex is supposed to come after it's built on solid foundation. You got yourself a nice catch. =) Link to comment
JadedStar Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 I've been dating a man who is 31 for a little over a month now, we've been on several dates & get along great. He is very kind, courteous, calls all the time, etc., so all is going well. He has slept over twice (no sex) but we've had great make-out sessions, lots of cuddling before/after, etc. While I am very comfortable with the pace we are going, I do admit my curiosity has peaked in that we've had ample opportunity to go all the way but he has not "made any moves" in that regard (which I am totally fine with as to not rush into anything). Just wondering what are some of the reasons guys hold off? Is it a comfort level thing, nervousness, etc.? I don't think its because he "doubts" his abilities as he is extremely talented with kissing, touching, etc. There could be many reasons, we can't answer that. He could have an ED (erectile dysfunction disorder), or believes in getting to know a person better first, etc... We can't answer the reasons as to why as it could be any number of things. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 lol - this is one of those "men can't win" threads. he might want to be cautious on the STD front. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I tell guys upfront, if you want sex early on, move on. I waited 5yrs with the first guy and 1yr with the second guy, and now I am celibate . But if a guy waits, that's so respectable to me. lol - this is one of those "men can't win" threads. he might want to be cautious on the STD front. Seriously! I also think asking for a full STD panel is a great idea. You can swap results, it just gives peace of mind. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 [ Seriously! I also think asking for a full STD panel is a great idea. You can swap results, it just gives peace of mind. /QUOTE] except that early std tests are meaningless unless each person has abstained for about the past 6 months. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 So true, so if you hold out on sex for 6months, then ask for an STD panel, assuming they didn't cheat during those 6months, you are mostly likely ok . Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 So true, so if you hold out on sex for 6months, then ask for an STD panel, assuming they didn't cheat during those 6months, you are mostly likely ok . Well, unless they have not been with anyone - then you don't have to wait as long. But yes it's a matter of trust. Also of course before you're exclusive they "can" sleep with someone else. Link to comment
ginger007 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 There could be many reasons, we can't answer that. He could have an ED (erectile dysfunction disorder), or believes in getting to know a person better first, etc... We can't answer the reasons as to why as it could be any number of things. Exactly, the ED happened to me with an ex..then he would ask me WHEN did I want to have sex...I thought it was so weird...but he just needed to take his Viagra first so he needed to know...I didn't know about this until much later.. He could also have an STD which he would have to tell you about so he's delaying sex in order not to deal with telling you for now... Link to comment
newyorkpsps Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I think 6 months is not too long. I would wait at least 3 months. you can't really see what kind of person the guy is and what he's after from you in less than 3 months esp. when you're emotionally involved. so prevent yourself from being hurt, waiting 6 months is a good idea. if he leaves, he's not worth it. Well, unless they have not been with anyone - then you don't have to wait as long. But yes it's a matter of trust. Also of course before you're exclusive they "can" sleep with someone else. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 i bet he's scared to move forward. maybe make a further advance and see if he backs out. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Maybe he's not turned enough on by you. Who knows.... Link to comment
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